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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Why show the picture, to show me she looked like that porn star?
Q. Why would my guy show me a picture of a porn star and say, "before I knew you, a woman who looked exactly like this asked me out" ? Is he trying to make me feel insecure or point out that, "hey look I can get a woman sexier than you" ? What's hi...
A. 10 April 2017: Honeypie and YouWish had me in stitches, these ladies are EVIL. Particularly YouWish who, I think ?, sings or used to sing in a church choir. YouWish, WHAT do they teach you at choir rehearsals ,LOL.
Anyway, I concur , I'd chalk it up to HIS inse... (read in full...)
I'm a teen and I'm feeling insecure about the size of my penis. Am I normal, in size?
Q. Hey guys. I'm 15. First question - is my dick size good. It's around 6.7-6.8in. or so in length fully erect. I'm that's a good size, yet I still constantly feel like it's small. It could be the girth. I have a problem with. I don't really have a ...
A. 10 April 2017: First, don't be so sure you are through with puberty. Puberty last longer in males, it's not unusual to have 17/ 18 years old boys not at the end yet of stage 5 ( the final of the 5 stages of puberty ).
Anyway even if you don't grow anymore- you ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend likes to ejaculate on my boobs and face and he finds this "adorable". Is this normal guy behavior?
Q. Ok I need some other perspectives on this. My boyfriend is just my second sexual partner, so I'm not sure what to make of this. He's also 11 years older and way more experienced. Anyway, he's really good in bed compared to my first boyfriend. He ...
A. 10 April 2017: That must be some sort of cultural thing ; I can see from similar questions to yours, that this a sexual behaviour that's often seen as " degrading " or " perverse " in certain countries.
In my decadent, hedonistic Southern European cult... (read in full...)
Why wouldn't he want an emotional attachment? I feel discarded, by him.
Q. Ive been seeing this guy for over a year and it has been a FWB situation due to our inability be together because of our jobs and his current relationship. (long story about that ) We deployed to 2 different locations in which he kept in contact ...
A. 9 April 2017: The option, OP. It's all about ego, and the pleasure of knowing one has options. He is in control. He gets to pick and choose, he gets to pursue or discard. Plus, he may not want an ongoing sexual relationship, but - why throwing away a good lay ... (read in full...)
I don't seem to have much luck with dating. Should I message him one more time?
Q. I'm quite unsuccessful in the dating game. I havent had much experience . Over a year ago i tried online dating and i got chatting with a lovely man and we met up had a great date . We agreed to meet up again but didnt exchange numbers and his memb...
A. 9 April 2017: No way.
Do you think that a guy with the tiniest little bit of interest would have let responseless your message of " Sorry for making an idiot of myself, I won't message you again " ? Never. He would have run to reassure you ;" Don't worr... (read in full...)
Can intercourse make a woman tighter?
Q. Ok my wife is usually is avrage tigjt like not too tight but no loose. We has sex this morning and she was tight. She has cheated in the past amd she a lier for sure. If u have sex with someone can it cause ur vigina to be tighter ...
A. 9 April 2017: Nonsense : of course not !, sex cannot make you tighter . It cannot even make you looser. But if you had believed in this other misconception, at least it would have made more sense. Sex can't stretch out a vagina, which is too elastic and ... (read in full...)
How should I start the conversation with the baby's father?
Q. The baby's father and I only knew each other 3 months prior to me getting pregnant. I am currently 29 weeks. He was 100% aware of the possiblity of me getting pregnant and we had even talked about it. He had said he wanted to have a kid with me ...
A. 9 April 2017: No ! Don't put black on white that you do not want child support.Now ,I don't know the laws in your State and I have no idea how legally binding would be such declaration waiving away your rights ,in a private , informal conversation- anyway ... (read in full...)
Why wouldn't he want an emotional attachment? I feel discarded, by him.
Q. Ive been seeing this guy for over a year and it has been a FWB situation due to our inability be together because of our jobs and his current relationship. (long story about that ) We deployed to 2 different locations in which he kept in contact ...
A. 9 April 2017: He won't give you the space to heal and move on from this, because if he did, then he would not be able to keep you on the shelf intil he feels like taking you down. He's looking after his own interest- not yours.
He does not focus just on his ... (read in full...)
He wants to take me as his second wife but my mother doesn't approve
Q. my name is mathapelo and im inlove with a married man and now he wants take me as a second wife and he has proofed himself to me he cant live without me in his lfe but my mom doesnt approves what do i do because i we really love each other pls help...
A. 8 April 2017: I am afraid that this forum is not the most equipped to give you un unbiased answer.
A huge majority of Aunts and Uncles is either Eurpean or Northern American, and in our cultures a polygamous marriage is an absurdity ( in fact, it's some... (read in full...)
My husband wants us to stays friends with the woman he cheated with!
Q. My husband cheated on me years ago. He hid it and never told me. When I found out he lied and said it was before we met and I should have asked him about her. But it wasn't. So he lied about his lie. He kept her as part of our friendship circle, but ...
A. 7 April 2017: Are you saying that your husband had an affair within your circle of friends, and after he got busted , he insisted to stay friends with that woman and for you to apologize to her ?
That's otrageous. He Leaves you no alternative than leav... (read in full...)
Coping strategies would be appreciated for bad office situation!
Q. Not a relationship problem but hoped you guys could give me a bit of advice. I work in a small company of just over 20 staff, most of us working in a large open plan office. One of the women, who is in her 30s, has taken to wearing short SH...
A. 7 April 2017: The only coping strategy that I can suggest is that you learn to pick your battles , to focus your attention, and indignation, on more deserving causes, and to keep your opinions to yourself, if the attire and behaviour of your colegues do not ... (read in full...)
I prefer staying home to attending his family gatherings! Is this going to be a problem?
Q. Dear all, I am married to a wonderful guy and yet I've always been a bit of a loner. We always joke that we love being loners together. He comes from a large happy family and they meet every now and then for a huge meal. I have no issues with his ...
A. 6 April 2017: Be flexible. It's all about working out reasonable compromises. Like , go this time, and skip the next.
You do not have to attend all the family events, particularly if they happen frequently. Your husband knows that you value your " me time... (read in full...)
Should I write another letter to my ex?
Q. We were together for 2 years. He was very special to me. He was my first everything. Our breakup happened in very complicated situation , i went through a miscarriage. I thought he was not giving me the support i needed . He thought i was very ...
A. 6 April 2017: No , please.
Why do you say that " you are afraid he won't come back ", if you just wrote hin a " goodbye forever " letter ?!
What's the point of writing someone a " Get lost, you mean bastard " letter for writing him back, right after, a... (read in full...)
Do I stand a chance of things working out for us?
Q. Dear agony aunts and uncles, Can you give me some advice? I'd appreciate any thoughts on this. I have been seeing a great girl for about 4 months. She and I have had a passionate and very lovely time together, I would say we were a great team i...
A. 6 April 2017: I may be doing a lot of reading between the lines, here, but I feel I am not too far off the mark, because there IS a code in relationship-speak.
You now, like " It's not you, it's me " which in fact means " No, it's actually you, you are too ... (read in full...)
I have a chance of a full time job but feel guilty about leaving my supervisor in the lurch!
Q. I guess this is sort of a work relationship question. Basically I currently have a part time job where I work 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. However, due to the first quarter of the year being our slowest time,I've now been cut down to 5 hours ...
A. 6 April 2017: Yes, of course your supervisor has no say in hiring new people, she is an employee like you. The decision and responsibility of hiring or not hiring pertains to the management and / or owners of the company :
SO WHAT.
Do not try to microman... (read in full...)
Should I stay? Am I ready to move on? Please help me
Q. I have a boyfriend who I have been with for about a year and three months, I can honestly say I am so in love with him it's hard because he is 5 hours away because he is in the navy. He is from where I live, since he came into my life he because so ...
A. 5 April 2017: I am not sure I understood how did he break your trust , doing what. Maybe there's more to the story, other episodes that you do not mention ,to make you so hurt and upset.
Otherwise, if we have to go strictly by what you mention in your post... (read in full...)
Are there any signs that he still loves me? I caught him cheating
Q. i recently broke with my ex. he was having an affair with another girl and when i asked he denied it. we broke up and he said he is not a suitable guy for me and my family. but we still do video calls and talk for the whole night. actually we talk ...
A. 5 April 2017: She says he is her boyfriend and he denies it ?...
Then, unless the girl is completely crazy and delusional, there must have been something going on between the two of them.
Otherwise ( unless she is mentally ill of course ) why would she be u... (read in full...)
I want to stop comparing my life with others. How do I learn how to slow down?
Q. How do I learn how to slow down? I have been with my partner for a long while and we want marriage. But all of my friends are getting married left right and centre and I can't help but want everything at the same time as them and I put all this pre...
A. 4 April 2017: Generally I am not one to advise pushing for marriage, nor I think that marriage is some ultimate, accomplishment in a woman's life.
But, there's something in your post that makes me curious.
You are 26 to 29 and he will be , I guess, a... (read in full...)
How do I end things without hurting him?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 45 year old woman married for 18 years . The marriage has been more of a business relation tand there has been no sex or romance...there were a lot of family issues....i never thought of a divorce since i had basically accepted...
A. 4 April 2017: Oh he can't be that hurt if he is able to carry on a physical and emotional relationship with another woman while he is so , supposedly, attached to you.
He can wrap it up in tears and dramas, Bollywood style, but at the end of the day what... (read in full...)
Are there any signs that he still loves me? I caught him cheating
Q. i recently broke with my ex. he was having an affair with another girl and when i asked he denied it. we broke up and he said he is not a suitable guy for me and my family. but we still do video calls and talk for the whole night. actually we talk ...
A. 4 April 2017: Didn't you say that you broke up ?
Treat him like someone you have broken up with, then ! Treat him like the EX who he , supposedly, is.
No more video calls and no more whole night talk.
This will dispose of the need itself for asking ... (read in full...)
I'm ok with my sexless relationship but my friends think it's weird
Q. Hi there , I have been with my partner a year and a half yet in all that time we have only had sex 10 times we cuddle kiss hold hands but nothing more he was honest from the start and said he wasn't very sexual, this is ok with me however my friends ...
A. 1 April 2017: 10 times in 18 months is not sexless. It means having sex approx. once every 50 days. Not a lot, but not even total disinterest - just , a rhytm compatible with a low sex drive, of which he warned you anyway from the start.
Maybe you have a lo... (read in full...)
My partners family are ruining our relationship and I don't know what to do!
Q. Hi, just looking for some advice please My partners family are ruining our relationship and I don't know what to do. Background info- we've been together 2 years, live together (against their wishes). I'm 25 and he's 26. I have never given ...
A. 1 April 2017: I think you have underestimated the challenges and difficulties of an inter-cultural, inter-faith relationship.
If I have to guess, I'd say that the difference in country and religion is not because, say, you are a British Anglican and he is a... (read in full...)
He wants us to get married but to keep it secret!
Q. Ok here is my story. My boyfriend of 7 months is asking me to marry him secretly in summer and not telling anyone because he wants to give his 14 years old child enough time to feel more comfortable. we want to buy a house as I don't want to move ...
A. 30 March 2017: I don't know about the simple band vs. engagement ring- some people may choose to do without an official engagement ring , due to finances or whatever reason.
But, a secret marriage ? Why in the world ?! What for ?
His reasons make no sense, -... (read in full...)
We still see each other and its just like before, but without the romance. Is there any hope for us?
Q. Hi everyone, I've never written on here before but I kind of have ran out of options. A little over two months ago, I was placed in an art class at my high school. I noticed a guy in the class who I had never seen before in school, he was very att...
A. 30 March 2017: Yes, I know that you wanted this relationship to work- but HE did not. It takes two to tango. You can lead the horse to the water but you can't make it drink. Or, as we say here, you can't go to Heaven if the Saints don't want you in.
I think the ... (read in full...)
I have a chance of a full time job but feel guilty about leaving my supervisor in the lurch!
Q. I guess this is sort of a work relationship question. Basically I currently have a part time job where I work 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. However, due to the first quarter of the year being our slowest time,I've now been cut down to 5 hours ...
A. 30 March 2017: Misplaced guilt. I am sure you are valued and valuable at your part time job- but you are not irreplaceable- nobody is.
If you leave, they'll just hire somebody else. And with the tons of young people looking for employement, it should not ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend doesn't make any real effort to lose weight despite wanting to
Q. I've been in relationship with my girlfriend for about 7 months now. I liked her for her personality and character but her weight had always bothered me right from the start. She was actually slim just under 2 year back(she looked amazing) but gai...
A. 28 March 2017: OP, this is going to sound bitchy maybe, but I'll say it anyway and with your interest at heart :
before tryng to fix your gf's weight , or anybody's weight , you should set about to fix your own.
53 kg. for 1.80 M. is... crazy. It's about 20... (read in full...)
Please explain medical issues of virginity
Q. i had sex first time before one year, in a day about 3 times and i lost my virginity , i bled a medium... and want to know that if i will sex after two years.. should i bleed again or not? and what should i do to bleed again?...
A. 26 March 2017: No, you won't bleed again ( unless he is super rough or he scraches you accidentally ). After having had intercourse 3 times, resulting in " medium bleeding "- most probably your hymen is gone.
I think you have two options : the moral one ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't want kids but I do. My friends say that I should "trap" him. Is that my only option?
Q. Me and my husband have been together 8 years now and married for 2. Everybody that knows us have always said we are the best couple they've ever met as we love each other A LOT and would do anything for one another. It really is the perfect ...
A. 25 March 2017: Option? What option ? If you love him ( and if you are a decent person ) trapping him is definitely not an option. Going behind someone's back and tricking him into making him accept or do something that he clearly does not want to, is definitely ... (read in full...)
Please confirm my doubts
Q. I've been with my bf for 2.5yrs (living with him 1.7yrs).I've noticed that on his Facebook, he has lots of females "friends" (as he calls). I haven't used FB and had shut it down years ago as I prefer Linkedin. His account has been open to me but ...
A. 25 March 2017: Most relationships are like this ?... Gosh no , they aren't, and tbh it's strange that you ask, Ot would make sense just if, not only you had grown on a dysfunctional family, but also had been totally sheltered / kept apart from any other ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend didn't contact me and I'm angry
Q. My bf was at a lunch at a client today and then they went to a hotel bar with the guys for drinks. He hardly contacted me during the lunch nor told me they were going to a bar afterwards. I had to contact him and ask him what he was up to because he ...
A. 25 March 2017: No.
" He hardly contacted me during lunch " means that he did contact you a little bit,- and this would be already seen as rude and unprofessional in many business/professional contexts, and by many clients.
As a matter of fact, whipping... (read in full...)
Should I give romance a miss and focus on my mental health?
Q. I don't know why I keep blaming myself for this, but I do. I dated my on and off boyfriend ( he is now my ex) from October 2015 until January. During that time, I became friends with someone who worked in the pub that he went in. He was always there ...
A. 24 March 2017: I think that the professionals advising you are perfectly right and you should follow their advice. You should focus on your mental issues , and on feeling healthier, better and happier before adding the investment of emotional energoes , and / ... (read in full...)
Why am I getting mixed signals from her?
Q. This girl at work is giving me mixed signals, seems like mostly negative. On the one hand someone asked her if she likes me ( in front of me), to which she responded "of course I love him". On the other hand she's always telling me I talk too much, ...
A. 24 March 2017: It was a joke, OP. Maybe a benign , goodnatured one, or else a snotty, sarcastic one, according to her facial expressions which we cannot know ; still a joke, I strongly doubt that if she loved you, she would have chosen this way and occasion to ... (read in full...)
Is he interested in me? And how do I get over him if he's not?
Q. This man I have had a crush on for the past six months seems to have been playing hot and cold with me. (Or maybe I am just reading too much into it). He's been flirty one day and then distant the next. He recently hugged and kissed me on the cheek, ...
A. 24 March 2017: I have said this on DC a few dozen times alreday, but once more will not hurt :
mixed signals = no signals.
When there's real, actual interest, the signals are strong, clear and consistent. When the signals come and go- the intentio... (read in full...)
Her past bothers me, though I do like our sex life!
Q. Hey guys, I've been dating a girl for a few months and it's going really great, but her past has come up more than a few times (mainly by me) her lifestyle bothers me a bit she's 22 and loves to club. Has had 12 sexual partners her last dude wa...
A. 24 March 2017: I agree with Celtic Tiger. What you say could perhaps make sense, as a sign of a big incompatibility in moral values, if yourself never had had an ONS, never engaged in casual sex, and thought in general of " non- vanilla sex " as something ... (read in full...)
Do you think I have the right be upset since technically he is still married?
Q. I moved to a new town and got a job as a server at a local restaurant. One of my co workers is very cute and a lot of the girls like him. They are always going out as groups and hanging out with each other outside of work. We became really ...
A. 24 March 2017: Aunty Bim Bim, the OP DOES say that she is raising the son she had by an EX ( so, single mother ) and that her only family is her brother.
Not that this warrants " slanging matches " of course.
But, without slanging anybody, I think that wha... (read in full...)
Am I being hidden from the ex and his kids?
Q. Hello. I am hoping you are able to put my mind at rest really. I've been in a relationship with a guy for five months and it's all good. He lives about an hour away, and he has three kids who are another couple of hours away from him with his ex,...
A. 20 March 2017: I think he is being reasonably prudent. 5 months IMO would be early days anyway to introduce you to the kids, but, never mind that. The point is that if he is going through a messy , not amicable divorce- wisely he does not want to give his ... (read in full...)
Should I admit I messed up and try one last time?
Q. My ex and I were dating on and off for the good part of a year. There was a period where I was speaking to him as well as another guy and chose to be in a relationship with the other guy for three months – this really hurt him. Months later, we ...
A. 20 March 2017: If you want to send your sincere apologies- I think it can't hurt, it's never wrong taking responsibility for having messed up and apologizing for the hurt or discomfort you may have caused.
BUT- keep your expectations low, very low. Just send it i... (read in full...)
My friend doesn't know if he likes her or not or if she has a chance with him
Q. Just wanted to say thank you for taking your time to read this first. This has nothing to do with me, my friend is having problems reading this guy she likes and I thought asking here would help as I understand a lot of people here give out go...
A. 19 March 2017: No, your friend should let this go. He HAS made very clear about what he feels , she just does not want to hear it. If she persists, she WILL come off as pushy or desperate.
So, why did he accept to go out on a date, and a longish one too ? Well... (read in full...)
Can someone explain bisexuality to me? GF and her best friend are but I don't understand it
Q. My girlfriend's sexuality is what she has stated to be bisexual, but she has no "love-connection" with females, just attraction wise. Now, her best friend is also bisexual in the same way, and they share sexual experiences constantly and w...
A. 18 March 2017: They STILL share sexual experiences constantly ?! I mean, even now that your gf is supposed to be in a relationship with you ?...
That's not good, - unless you have both agreed to have an open relationship and both can have sexuaò experiences with... (read in full...)
Can a true relationship be achieved without the affection and the touchy part?
Q. our sex life has slowly deteriorated. He blames it on my weight gain but many people including male friends and family have advised me that the weight is not the problem. He won't see a doctor cause he blames it on me, however he is 11 years olde...
A. 18 March 2017: " True " for whom ?
Yes, in general I think it is possible to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship even without plenty of PDA or physical contact . Some people are just not touchy feely, or are naturally shy, or have been raised in an envi... (read in full...)
Is he scamming me?
Q. Hi and thank you for your advice I met a male online approximately two months ago. He is very charming. We've talked daily. He tells me his wife died in an accident and he doesn't communicate with his family and he has one son who stays wit...
A. 18 March 2017: You bet he is scamming you !!
He says that he is in Nigeria with no shelter ? tell him to enjoy the sight of the star studded African sky at night, I've heard it is an impressive view.
Contrariously to Honeypie, I know very little about ho... (read in full...)
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