A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My birth name is Sarah, and it makes me sick. This is a trivial problem compared to some of the things people are dealing with, but I REALLY hate the name. I'm not a kid going through a phase. Ever since I can remember, I have always resented having to share a common name with others and furthermore, it feels wrong. I don't feel like a Sarah. I love my parents, but I'll never forgive them for naming me that. It makes me feel worthless that my parents just pulled out a generic name at random. How much love and thought and consideration went into choosing a generic name? I feel like no one thought I was worth investing consideration and love into choosing a name for me, and it makes me feel like less.There are way too many damn Sarahs! I'm always getting mixed up with another Sarah. "Not you, that Sarah over there." I feel like I have no real identity. I feel like I'm forgettable and insignificant. All my life I've been one of many Sarahs and it makes me feel like I'm easily replaced. I feel like if I were raped and dumped off somewhere, that my life wouldn't matter because there would be another Sarah to replace me. I also can think of at least two people named that that I can't stand. I'm upset because I have ALWAYS wanted a nickname. When I was a kid I told my parents I didn't want to be named Sarah and they refused to call me anything else. Why should I have to go through life as someone I'm not? I feel so disengaged and disinterested in my birth name. Part of me feels guilty because I don't want to hurt my parents, but I feel like they just named me a generic name because they didn't put any thought into a name for me.I would like to be called Rose or something like that. I think Rose is such an elegant and classy name. I have asked my family if I can be called Rose, but they still call me Sarah. I REALLY hate the name. What can I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 December 2016):
 You are being a drama queen. However taking that to one side. Just change your name legally, get the documents, change all legal avenues. Then tell all your friends and family. Stop answering to the name Sarah and live your life.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 December 2016):
 While I get not liking your name I find it a little "over-dramatic" to have such resentment for your parents for choosing a name like Sarah. I could understand if they had named you Applebutt or something people will either make fun off or can't spell.
And you can LEGALLY change it or... GIVE yourself another FIRST name and leave Sarah as your middle name.
I have NO doubt that you parents didn't sit and think up the most horrible and boring name EVER! just for you.
My oldest daughter has what turned out to be one if THE most popular girl's name that year. She isn't the biggest fan of the name, ONLY because she says there are a million of girl's at school with it. So she has a nickname instead. Her teachers use it, some of her friends - but she is fine with us calling her by her given name. IF she wasn't I'd call her whatever name she would prefer.
Changing your name won't change your life or you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 December 2016):
 Legally change it. You can do that. And then work on why you are so angry. How can you release that anger and use your mind for something useful, rather than destructive?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (18 December 2016):
 I don't think it's strange to want a different name, but I do think you need to consider therapy to figure out why you can "never forgive" your parents for choosing a common name and why you feel you could be "replaced by another Sarah" if you were raped. They are very worrying statements, OP, and a name shouldn't bring on that kind of irrational thinking - no matter how much you hate it.I changed my first name to my nickname because my mum chose a very common name. That said, I resented the way having that name made me feel, *not* her. She chose the name because she loved it. She was even a little upset when I changed it, but she understood. Common names are rarely chosen out of "laziness" to find something else.OP, go ahead and spend a couple of months thinking about a new name for yourself, but who you *are* determines how memorable you are, not your name. For example: John Wayne (who chose John over Marion!), Anne Hathaway, Jennifer Lawrence, Mark Ruffalo, Michelle Obama, Michael Jackson, etc. Those are all pretty common first names, but the *people* stand out.Please do change your name, but I think you need therapy to come to terms with the fact that it won't magically fix your feelings, when the novelty wears off. Also, you should "forgive" your mother for choosing a name she liked, that happened to be common.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (18 December 2016):
 I doubt you will ever get your family to call you anything different. After all, they have called you Sarah all your life. Going forward, there is nothing to stop you introducing yourself to new people as Rose, or any other name you would prefer to be known by. I work with a Jack whose name is actually Alexander John. He prefers Jack so that is what we have always called him. We only found out his real name when someone saw it on his pay slip. Or what about hyphenating it to Sarah-Rose? I work with two girls called Emily and, to differentiate, one is Emily and one is Emily-Jane (her middle name). I do feel this hatred of your name is just a symptom of deeper issues but, obviously, cannot speculate on that as that is what you are focusing on.I do feel this hatred of your name is just a symptom of deeper issues but, obviously, cannot speculate on that as that is what you are focusing on. After all, as Shakespeare famously wrote, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2016): Hello Rose.
If you cut out the o you get 'hellrose!'
Thus an unwanted name grows so fast unless of course you are a motorbike chick and then of course the name is most suited!
If you hate your name you go see a solicitor and get your name changed by deed poll.
It costs under £100 but you have to remember to pay to change your passport and your bank account names and your credit cards.
Your folk are going to look like dinosaurs if they dont move forward with you or alternatively you can keep your name change just for official purposes and leave them in the dark.
I called my daughter a name I thought was beautiful.
Unfortunately the teenagers decided it had another meaning and tormented her for it.
If I had been able to see that in advance I wouldve picked a biblical name like sarah or stephanie but i didnt and i lost my daughter although i now think there were other things involved.
If your name is getting on your nerves then change it. Sometimes familiarity breeds contempt and a name change can be refreshing but spare a thought for mum, because after birth, and in the pressure to get things right, it is so easy to get things wrong!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 December 2016):
 What's your middle name ? ( And if you also dislike your middle name, ... you can always make one up yourself).
There may be a lot of Sarah around, but I am sure there are less Sarah Jane, Sarah Marie, ... Sarah Jessica ... Sarah Michelle etc.etc. Sarah-Rose actually does not sound bad at all !
Also, did you ask your parents why did they choose that name ? Give them some credit, I doubt it was just because they were lazy. Generally there's a reason behind a name. Maybe they wanted to honour a favourite relative or friend, - maybe they knew Sarah means " princess ", or some other reason. But , more likely than not, there's a story behind your being a Sarah.
Also, keep in mind that simplicity can be a precise, conscious choice.
I gave my son an usual, simple, short first name not because I did not want to bother picking a " better " name but :
- because I know for personal experience how frustrating and annoying it is having a " weird " name that nobody can spell right or pronounce right
- because it sounds very nice with his longish, unusual-ish last name ( I think that if you are, say a Fotheringay-Phipps, you are better off as a John that as a Gengulphus ).
Finally, I understand your wish to be " special " , I guess everybody deep down wants to be special, but you are as special as you make yourself. I mean, JOHN Lennon ?... DAVID Bowie ?.. ELIZABETH Taylor ?..... You surely do not need to be an Eustacia or a Melisandre to develop your own unique style and personality .
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 December 2016):
 The name Sarah came from Sarah in the bible who's name was originally Sarai. Sarai means "my princess" (denotes belonging) wheras Sarah means basically "princess in her own right" i.e. she needs no kingdom to be a princess, she is one by nature. So change it subtly to Sarai (SAIR-EYE) It will still keep the beauty of the name while making it somewhat unique.
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A
female
reader, Nittynora +, writes (18 December 2016):
 Well why don't you change it? Here in England we have something called Deed Poll and you can legally change your name. But like you say you can change it but they may still call you Sarah. Why don't you try just not answering your family, when they call you Sarah. tell them first say I would like to be called Rose if you call me anything else I will not answer.Why don't you ask your parents WHY they called you Sarah and that may give your name more personal meaning for you, you will still not like it but it may give it more meaning for you. For instance my son is called Andrew, my husband chose it but I wasn't too keen. I then looked up the meaning of the name and realised that Andrew was the first disciple that asked to follow Christ. Being a very religious person the name too on a new meaning. With any new people you meet ask them to call you what ever name you like. I think though it may not JUST be about your name perhaps you have been made to feel worthless in other ways and have never been listened to and you have attached this to your name. Look into legally changing it. Good luck ROSE xxxxxxx
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