A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This is a question about FWB (friends with benefits) or a FB (f**k buddy) situation. There is a man that I have this type of relationship with. He confuses me because he is very affectionate with me around his friends, invites me to gatherings at his friends homes when loads of people are there. This one particular time at a gathering, he walked up to me from behind, hugged me and kissed me on cheek in front of everyone. It was a surprise, but confusing too because I thought this was all about sex nothing more. I didn't even know there would be a party going on btw.The last time I saw him when I arrived I walked in his house and he had a friend with him. He hugged me very tight, kissed my cheeks, ears, then my lips. The longest hug of my life. I have never displayed such PDA so it again surprised me. A little later that night we had sex, but this man was unbelievably passionate like he was making love to me. I don't say that lightly.It was the best sex of my life. He is a very, very sexual person. But I thought a situation like this was just about the sex, no passion.He also kisses my forehead often. That type of kiss, to me, means something. "The forehead kiss."Is this normal for a situation like this? Does his actions seem like he may like me more than sex? I am crazy about him but I am okay with this relationship too. I am not a conventional type of woman, I don't follow norms. I just like knowing him because he is great. Am I reading too much into this? What do you all think? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2016): I can understand why you might think it could be more, what with him inviting you to friends gatherings and all. However, it could also be simply the fact his friends know you're just a fwb. It seems to me if he liked you more, he would have ask you out for a one-on-one date with no sex. If no, it's just a regular fwb situation in my opinion.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 December 2016):
 PDA is a cultural thing more than anything else, as far as I am aware. For example, take my Spanish neighbor. He's all hugs and kisses on the cheek when we meet, although I hardly know him, he's just my neighbor and I don't even remember his name. My other Norwegian, or even my Russian, neighbor have NEVER tried anything of the sort, lol.
Some people just grew up in families or cultures where hugs and kisses in public, and between friends and/or family members was more common than in others. In my family we hardly ever hug each other, except a brief "bump" when we meet after not having seen each other for a year.
I found this boring, so I've become more touchy feely myself just because I like it more. So I force-hug my family members and friends and try to get the Norwegians to warm up a bit, haha, they can be so stoic. I have been accused of flirting, but most people learn pretty fast that a smile and a hug from me is something I give out frequently and sometimes even to perfect strangers. Which is why I am not surprised if your FWB is touching you this way simply because he likes to do it, not because he has developed strong feelings for you.
It's quite the opposite really. The ones I do have feelings for I get too nervous around, and get scared of touching and hugging :p
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2016): OP here
Thanks for all your great responses. Whether he is seeing other people I don't know, and I don't ask. I am seeing other people and I enjoy that.
I have simply never met a man that was freely passionate and didn't mind PDA. Accept for my high school boyfriend. It is refreshing and fun. And something I needed in my life at this moment.
I guess I was reading too much into it! It makes so much sense what you guys said. Thanks again :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2016): It does not cost him anything to try to keep you all for himself. The real question is whether he is giving up other women for you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 December 2016):
 He kisses you in public gatherings so that other men know you are "his" so they don't approach you. It's his way of keeping you off the sexual menu of his acquaintances. It also keeps you in the mood and sweet on him. It takes no energy or effort to have PDA or forehead kisses and it obviously is keeping you guessing.
Do you have other men in your life? Does he have other women in his?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 December 2016):
 I think you are reading way too much in this.
In fact , maybe is a generational thing, but I am always puzzled when people your age draw the line so visibly between sexual and sensual.
If you are FWB it just means you have no committment, no exclusivity , no future together- it does not say anywhere that ANY form of tenderness or affection or human warmth is excluded. Even cats or dogs, when they are coupling, they too will nuzzle each other, nibble the partner's neck and ears..so much for " animalistic " sex :)
Using physical gestures of intimacy does not equate to feeling feelings of love. While some people, particularly the very young ones, I suppose, see sex like a mechanical exercise which will only involve genitalia within a very specific time frame, many other people just enjoy the whole atmosphere, the whole sensuous climate they can create with a partner, no matter how occasional. It's a matter of habits and personality. And of being lazy too :)_ they like the whole GFE experience, in small doses,...without actually having the hassle of having a real GF.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 December 2016):
 I agree with Chigirl, if you want more OR less, talk to him.
Seems kind of pointless to make such effort if all this is, is a FWB. But each to their own.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (22 December 2016):
 I think he's a lucky guy and he knows it.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (22 December 2016):
 If you're fine with it then why are you even asking? What does it matter if it's okay?
It's not normal to be 'crazy' about someone in a fwb. Hence why I think you're just trying to convince yourself you're okay with it.
How are you going to take it when you find out he has slept with someone else?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 December 2016):
 I think you are HOPING all these signs mean he is into you more than a normal FWB.
Why do you only have a FWB arrangement? I am guessing this was his idea? Why have you settled for it when you obviously want more? Have you had a discussion with him recently to tell him you want more?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2016): @ChiGirl
This is OP. thank you for your answer, I never looked at it like that. good points.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (22 December 2016):
I think it sounds like you have the perfect arrangement, unless you are uncomfortable with the PDA and meeting his friends. There is no rule to say that FWB should only meet in secret and never show signs of affection or be passionate. Such little things can all play a part in the sex, and be the reason why the sex is so great.
On the other hand, it's not a relationship because you're not exclusive and in an official relationship. That's the only difference between a FWB and a relationship, really. The level of commitment. Having you over for a party or giving you long hugs isn't showing commitment. So no, I don't think he likes you as more based on this alone.
But if YOU want more(or less), you should talk to him about this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2016): This is OP
@N91 I asked a very specific question. I already informed you I don't mind the situation AT ALL. Not one bit. I asked if I was reading too much into it and if it seems like he has feelings. If not, fine we have a great time anyway.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (22 December 2016):
Look, you don't want a FWB it's quite clear. If you want more, ask for it or you'll just end up hurt if you carry on this arrangement.
FWB rarely work.
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