A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I went on a date with a man i met on a dating site. ( i dont get many ) He gave the lines how he's not connected with someone like me in a while and hes very open with everything.We get on so well i could see a future with him . The other day he told me hes no credit on his phone to make calls but had internet access . The thing is ive not heard from him in 3 days ( we would usually 'chat everyday ) im thinking hes lost interest , he hasnt been online in these 3 days either . I am careful not to put all my eggs in 1 basket but i really did think it was getting somewhere . Am i just being daft worrying . should i give him a couple of days to get in contact or should i just send him a message saying let me know if hes interested ? i know there are others out there and im still looking but id just like to see if this is worth pursuing ( ive been in the dating game too long waiting for someone nice to come along ) do i message or do i just wait ? thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2016): iF i was in your shoes i would give him a couple of days . U say he hasnt been online for 3 days the same length of time he hasnt had credit ! is he on a contract phone and his minutes dont renew yet until a certain date ( maybe ) ? do keep an interest in other people on the site , u may think u could see a future but if he is really interested in u , take your time . I understand u getting fed up with dating but relax and if he is the ' one ' you will both know . good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2016): This guy sounds like a guy I meet online. He to was a single dad. Said the same line about a connection. He too contacted me everyday, he was very open with everything. Was seeing him for about 5months turned round and told me his talking to someone else. Looking back he was abit flaky, he never had money he didn't know what he wanted.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 December 2016):
 Yes, wait for him to contact you, 3 days of silence do not signify much either way, so you'll have to wait and see for a few more days. But, if and when he does contact you - pls. slow down. Hold your horses - you can see a future with someone you have met once ?? How come ?
When people go on about how well they connected on a first date and how alike they feel they are with people they don't know from Adam, I can't help being reminded of a
" Friends " episode, the one where Phoebe Buffay meets her biological mother for the first time in about 30 years. The two women are strangers to each other ,they live different lives and move in different circles, and at first the meeting is, understandably, awkward and stifled, they don't know what to say . Then, one of the two says : " I love pizza " - and the other " Wow... Me too!" . ".. And I love puppies... " " Me tooo !!! " " Oh mother ! " " Oh daughter !" and they instantly fell into each other's arms.
Of course you can always find, if you really want, something to agree about in the limited time of a first date. That does not mean that you are soul mates. I am a big Rolling Stines fan... like other MILLIONS of people . It does not mean that every single Stones ' fan is the right match for me, even if he were someone who , say, had Mick Jagger's autograph ( which, I would be impressed with:), but still...) So, for instance, the fact of being a single parent just like you would not make him necessarily compatible with you.
Another thing that says red flag to me is the phone credit thing. I mean, how broke can you be for being unable to top up your phone credit with just a few bucks ?. If you are THAT broke, well then probably you should not be dating at all- you should put your time and energy first into restructuring your finances ( and being able, for instance, to make a normal, moderate, but unrestricted use of your phone ) then into your social/ love life.
I don't mean to rain on your parade, and for all I know everything may be fine and progress wonderfully and make you both very happy . Just reminding you that you may feel that there's something there, but ... he has to feel the same too, not only, he has to show that he feels it with consistent behaviour.
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A
female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986  +, writes (3 December 2016):
Which dating set did you meet this man at? Because you should be careful with most of them. one bad website - a woman who signed on that website lost her life because the man killed her because she refused to kiss him after one date. I would send the man a message if he doesn't respond after a couple of days. Lose him and find someone else who is intereste enough to date you and talk to you on the phone
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 December 2016):
 The lines he gave you sound cliched. After one date it seems that he may not be as interested as you are, I mean yes he is telling you all you want to hear but he is not exactly showing it.
It scares me that after one date you can see a future. At your age should you not be more wary about meeting people and taking your time to ensure that there is a connection?
When talking to someone over the computer they can be whoever they want to be. No contact in three days is not a great sign. Also giving the excuse he has no phone credit to me either says he is backing off or else he is trying to get money out off you. Either way I would steer clear. If you are vulnerable he will be able to see that, especially if you can see a future after the first date. Please do be careful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2016): im the op , forgot to say he did pay for the date . I have met him we have been talking a while hes a single dad as well and im a single mum so understand the children come first. he also works full time . i might sound a bit 'desperate' but sometimes you just have a feeling theres something there and worth taking a chance on . ive not got on so well with someone so much and we both have same outlook on things ( as many people would ) and have so much in common . i will wait and see if he contacts me . thanks
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2016): My bad. I forgot you've haven't actually met, you've only been chatting.
Remember, men read your profile; and can invent a perfect match of themselves based on that. You said you were in the dating game too long. This is an indication you are growing weary and may be willing to settle. Don't allow frustration and loneliness to push you to use poor judgement.
You can't read into the future, and you certainly can't determine if anything will come of a mere conversation.
Only that he was great to talk to. Which is one good point, but there are far too many other points and factors to consider. Avoid drawing any immediate hopeful conclusions about any man you've met online; or by any means you've met.
In any case, you've got to meet in-person to have any feelings. You don't even know if he matches his profile picture yet. If he even offered one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2016): First, let me stop you dead in your tracks. You don't see futures with people you've only just met. You're mature enough to know better than that. You have too much to learn about someone you only had one single date with. A good conversation and hearing what you want to hear from some stranger who read your profile, doesn't mean squat.
He can't even afford a phone to contact you; and has limited access. So he claims. He may be lying; because he doesn't want you to call him.
Don't start attaching your feelings to strange men you've just met. That's desperate, sweetheart. Feelings shouldn't emerge for someone until you know something about them, and that takes some time. You learn about their ways and emotions, their values, their past, and their faults. He can put on airs, and a perfect act on a first date. You shouldn't be so easily charmed in one date anyway.
He hasn't contacted you because he has limited access. Remember? Possibly because of a girlfriend or a wife. Being online, he has too many options to begin with.
Move on, and keep your feelings in-check. Being desperate will make you use poor judgement, and you'll overlook red-flags. On-line trolls smell desperate lonely women from a mile-away, and will play with your emotions. The guys with sob-stories are looking for money; and I guarantee you he's broke, and up to his eyeballs in debt.
You aren't seeing the warning signs, only that he isn't contacting you. Well, a guy who can't afford to call you is a deal-breaker to begin with. Bid him toodles!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 December 2016):
 Do you really think he is in a place to be dating? I mean if he can't afford to put minutes on his phone.... then transport costs and dinner/date (even if you go Dutch might be more than he can actually do right now.) If he basically lives a little paycheck to paycheck or hand to mouth dating might not really be an option for him.
Now he COULD have mentioned the no credit on his phone to see if you would bite and offer to pay and since you didn't, you haven't heard from him. THAT could be another option.
Personally? I'd just leave him be a bit. IF he is interested he will find a way to contact you. I know when I was dating my husband long distance my laptop broke down while I was on vacation and I drove to the nearest library to e-mail him.
Where there is a will there is a way.
So I'd cool my heels and give him a little time and in the MEANWHILE I'd consider if dating a guy who seems to be in a financially strained situation is "worth" it or if THAT will just add stress to a budding relationship.
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