A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am just wondering if the number of people you sleep with has any psychological or emotional effect on you later. I am not talking 3 or 4 partners. I mean, like, say 50 partners. My best bud is dating seriously a girl who has slept around quite a bit. Many times it was not love, just curiosity or even for gifts or the thrill.She seems like an awful nice girl. And hes head over heels. But I wonder if someone like can become a suitable marriage partner?Please dont say dont judge! I am not judging her as a person. I am just lookin out for my bud and just wanting him to get the stable and loving partner he deserves. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2013): 50 partners isn't that bad. I think it's normal.
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (7 May 2013):
 Yea man dun matter how many if one matures n finds wat they like personality wise they are capable of settling down.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 May 2013):
 One of my good friends had a lot of partners prior to getting married. She's been head-over-heels in love with her husband and has been for over 20 years. They have 2 gorgeous children who are both heading off to college this fall. She's gorgeous. He's handsome. It's a match made in heaven.I know of at least 3 divorces in my neighborhood. I believe they met each other early in college and got married afterwards, suggesting a low number of partners. They turned out to be dismally matched, at least 2 of the 3 involved the guy cheating. I think the guys got a bit, um, bored? or mid-life crises hit or something and they decided to up their own numbers.Basically, my point is that the marriages didn't fail because they had X or Y number of partners. The marriages failed because the guys turned out to be creepos.If she's a nice girl, and your friend is a nice guy, it'll be fine.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 May 2013):
 The "number" of others who you shared intimacies with will have a MAJOR impact on your life if one of them happens to be infected with the HIV virus....
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (6 May 2013):
What we do on a regular basis, tells a lot about what we are going to do in the future. We, humans, keep doing usually the same thing. And changing is hard. But isn't impossible.
I'm pretty sure from a statistical point of view, that someone who has had sex with 50 persons, has little chances of having a long lasting relationship. Of course, it isn't a law and your friend could be in front of a strange case. Who knows?
Maybe it isn't a matter of guessing what this girl is going to do in the future. But asking what lead her to do that in the past. What she did is not to be judged as good nor bad. It's something useful to infer her values and compare them with your friend's values. And reach some conclusion.
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (6 May 2013):
 It is not logical in the least to think that the number of sexual partners a person has had in any way affects their ability to be a compassionate listener, giving sexual partner or any other good quality that makes an ideal partner.
To think so is like saying "Can someone who wears a lot of purple shirts be a good Mayor?"
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): As the number of a person's sex partners goes up, the odds of them being faithful and having a long lasting marriage goes down.
If you have not found data pointing this direction then you must be trying not to find it. 5-10 minutes on google will produce plenty. Some of the data is biased but a lot of it is very fair.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 May 2013):
 NOT your worry or your place to worry. He's a grown up and can make his own choices. AND you are not privy to their private moments... just what he tells you or you ferret out.
FWIW I have slept with more than 100 people both male and female and more than one at a time.
I am currently married to my fourth husband and I am hopelessly devoted to him and love him madly and could never consider another person in my life sexually.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 May 2013):
 I don't think her previous 50 partners make her unsuitable for a stable and loving relationship with the 51st.
I guess you are sort of implying that ,having had a lively sexual past, she won't be able to stay faithful, sooner or later she will have to give in to her powerful lustful urges.
If she were a nymphomaniac, maybe. But for a "normal " woman having sex is a choice,not a compulsion, and also deciding to indulge a lustful whim is a conscious choice. If she commits to be exclusively with just one man, it is because she feels no more desire or curiosity for other men, AND she knows that, even in case she SHOULD feel a twinge of curiosity or desire for another man, she will be able to handle it as a passing ,fleeting sensation, and to be true to her promise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): I'm the same as person12345 I'd rather a woman who had slept with 1000's of men for fun than one who has cheated even once.
OP it's not the number that's the issue but the circumstances and whether they're relevant still.
Sounds like she expressed herself sexually quite liberally OP, that's not a bad thing.
It sounds like your friend's girl was just liberal and enjoyed sex a lot.
I had a pretty long promiscuous streak about 70-80 one night stands, multi week flings, FWB's, fuck buddies etc. I was just out of my worst break up, devalued women as relationship material and decided it would be a good idea to just hunt them, bag them and leave them. Not nice of course even if I wasn't an asshole about it but it was all my mental state at the time. That's not the guy I am. I've never abused, cheated or deceived women as to my intentions with them. Just saw no need to offer that info either, up to them to protect their own feelings and ensure I will give them what they want.
I'm with my fiancée 7 years now and find no other woman in any way appealing. I never hated myself or women when I was doing that. It was a rage against the idea of relationships and as my fiancée so eloquently put, a means to assert my masculinity after having it so savagely torn away.
My point is OP you just can't know whether this makes her more of a risk and so you should not worry about it or think she represents a greater risk because of that. In fact there are a lot of positives and she's probably an animal in bed.
Stay out of it OP, don't dig too deep this is not a red flag.
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reader, Yos  +, writes (6 May 2013):
 " But I wonder if someone like can become a suitable marriage partner?"
Yes someone like that can be a very suitable marriage partner. And a person with three previous partners can make a very unsuitable marriage partner.
It depends on the person. You said she seems like a very nice girl. That's great. I wouldn't worry about it.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 May 2013):
 If your best friend knows the sexual history of the girl he's seeing, then he has made the choice to accept that, and his feelings about the matter may be different than yours are. In this case, it's about compatibility. I totally agree with Person12345 in saying I'd rather date someone who had 50 casual partners as opposed to someone who cheated on 1 long-term partner.
There are countless men who chased skirts and sowed wild oats in their younger days only to settle down and make good husbands. It's safe to say that it's possible for a woman to do the same.
Unless you see her CURRENTLY doing something disloyal towards your friend, don't start digging your doubts into his ears. That's a good way to lose your friend, because if they are in love, it's a special kind of indignance that rises up when someone, even a friend, puts down someone they love. He knowingly has made his choice, and it may be different than yours.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): If she's been straightforward about it and he doesn't mind it, it's really no business of yours...
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): Hey there are a number of studies done at some of our prestigious universities in the country. These are actual facts but women who have slept with as many partners as you might of indicated and women who were in the sex industry and got out alive without any sexual diseases and mental conditions were found to have been better husbands and wives. This goes for both men and women. Studies showed that they were better listeners, more patient and had a greater degree of empathy to give to their partners. They also made superior parents and they had the lowest divorce rate of any group out there today who are legally married. Again the test case involved I believe about a total of 800 people. .700 hundred of them were female and the other 100 were male. Oh yes, they ranged from 18 years old to 35 years old. So does that ease your conscious any? What do you want to say about the men that slept with her? Nothing? Or were any of these men you knew personally or causal acquaintances? Really depends I believe on the individual. I have a girlfriend who had slept with as many or not more men that you hinted at. It wasn't a orgy or swinger relationship. She thought nothing of it until a couple years ago when she felt that doing what she was doing served no greater purpose that feeding her lustful desires. Also when she finally met the man of her life he didn't want to proceed any further because he found out about her past. Listen unless you live in a city of more than 100,000 people it is not going to take long for anyone to find out if you have had multiple sexual relations. Yes it is the dreaded I phone and all it can do. This kind of gave her a wake up call and yes she went to see a psychologist and get help. She is better and about a year ago she moved up here with me as a roomy while I was going to grad school and first getting serious with my present boyfriend. She is better now emotionally and my boyfriend set her up with a friend of his he has grown up with and kept friends during undergrad and grad school. These two seem to be hitting it off fine and you know that when you see their eyes light up when they first see each other in the morning or evening. I hate to say this but I truly believe they are in love real love. They are great communicators and you can always hear them talking about whatever when they are together. I didn't really like the idea of setting them up but my fears were just that it is working out great. My boyfriend doesn't know about my girlfriends past and I will never say anything about it. So to finally answer your question. The number of people you sleep with may effect you later in life but what I just told you was in the big picture it all worked out. Nobody is perfect, I don't have a right to judge anyone who has multiple partners. I know of one example and I detailed it to you to the best of my ability. If you are looking at judging people you have to look at the whole picture. And yes both men and women do it. I believe your concern is questioning the moral fibre of the individual who does that. Do you know men who do this and if you do you have to ask yourself this question. Why do men brag if they do about multiple partners? If they do I bet the number they claim to of slept with is a lot lower. Also are lots of these men actually like predators who go and scout out drunk women and give them the business in their car or apartment? Listen I attend a university which has thousands of people in their student body. I have spoken with hundreds of women and men during the course of my six years in this institution. I am no angel nor am a I slut if you want to look at it that way. But read my lips on this one. I have yet to hear anybody talking about having multiple relationship outside of group sex and swinger parties or arrangements. I would never nor would any of my girlfriends come out and talk about any of this stuff. Excluding the swinger orgy combination where who you are is going to be revealed. Do what you will with this info, I hope it clears up some misconceptions. Good-luck..
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reader, person12345 +, writes (6 May 2013):
 I would much rather date someone who slept with 100 people than someone who cheated on a long term partner even once. As long as she's not a drug addict or something, I don't see why the number of sex partners would make someone unsuitable as a long term partner.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi this is the OP.
I just wanted to know in general what people thought.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 May 2013):
 Do not go there Buddy. Do not get involved in that aspect of your friend's life. It will bite you in the butt. Let him make his own decisions and choices regarding his love life. This is truly a time to mind your own beeswax.
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