A
female
age
36-40,
*aro87
writes:Hi guys,Well I have this problem. And I appreciate you not judging me nor laughing.I have been with my bf for 7 years, we break up several times and lots happened but we still come back to each other because we do luv each other.But lately I’m sensing that he is very cold with me and doesn’t hug me like before. When I confronted him and we were nearly to break up by his request and then said nooo o don’t want to break up, he started crying and saying that you do not know why I’m going under, I explained to him that I do ( he doesn’t work now therefore he can’t afford to get married now and he is feeling guilty capturing me with him all these years and that I deserve better..) He was shocked because those words were mine and I understand him, and I assured him that I luv him and everything will be better soon. Then he said also that I luv u but since we have been with each other since we were 20 years old he feels that he wants to try other girls not for love just sex, he is desiring every girl he sees even though he see me very beautiful but he got used to me, therefore if he goes to a party with a new girl he will be very excited to see her though he knows that I’m pretty but he can draw me with eyes hidden. But he never cheated on me plus even when we broke up, he used to go out with girls but couldn’t bare the fact of touching them .and now his desires and the fact of him not wanting to cheat on me is hurting him. Me for the first time I listened without judging .even though I was hurting but asked him to go and see other girls and sleep with them since what they can give him I can’t (we come from a background that mo sex before marriage, he also doesn’t want that) please don’t judge because I need serious advices because I know how other people thinks about this issue. And I told him I was willing to give him space but he said noo and maybe just talking about it with u releifed me and please don’t take what I said negatively ..What I did was right ?!! I luv him and don’t want to lose him !!! But I can’t be selfish !! And I’m afraid that I he had sec with others he won’t come back!
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broke up, cheated on me Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Caro87 +, writes (8 May 2013):
Caro87 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u !$
A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (8 May 2013):
 He will get away with whatever you allow him to get away with. This is a conversation you will have to have with him and tell him exactly how you feel. You are not ready to share your man so don't do it this will only damage,hurt and end your relationship. Im sure that most married or committed men their mind wonders in having sex with other women but leave it as a fantasy or a dirty dream and not turn it into reality because the love they have for their wife/GF is worth more that they will not risk losing them.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 May 2013):
 I think that your B/F sincerely believes that he simply wants to copulate with any/all women who will consent to do so with him.....
What your B/F doesn't believe - or, understand - is that there IS a "love" component to sex for most people.... YOU, included!!! AND, that "love" bit has an implication of FIDELITY. AND, that taking any consenting woman for a test drive is flagrant infidelity.. (and, P.S. Why even BOTHER to mention his increased risk for exposure to STDs????)
So.... it's simple to conclude that your "B/F" has a wildly mistaken notion of YOU.... and what YOU expect from a "B/F"...
SOOOoooooo, make your conclusion(s) as you wish....
1. Being this guy's shill and available penis holder, or,
2. Deciding that you want a REAL "B/F"... who understands what being a "B/F" means.... so you pass on him, and keep your eye out for a REAL boyfriend in and for the future.
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 May 2013):
 Of course it's fair ! it would not be fair if you too had told him that you are going to sleep with other men just for fun and curiosity, but since you are doing without that, so can he.
And, btw, the rules of no sex before marriage in your society, are valid , at least from a religious point of view, for both sexes, they apply to him TOO. So what's he complaining about ?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 May 2013):
 If he loves you then he would not consider having sex with other women.
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A
female
reader, Caro87 +, writes (8 May 2013):
Caro87 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEven if he is not cheatting but he shared his ideas with me sinve he cant have sexual relatiosnship with me and he doesnt want to cheat but the idea can we prevent a guy from noy having sex notin that he has been with me fr 7 years. Am i being fair ?! Or not ?! Isnt it only about sex !? Cuz he said he luves me
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 May 2013):
I'm sorry to say you have already lost him.
He may be there physically but emotionally he's not with you.
So he's going to be able to have sex with other women even though it's against your background (and his) So it's ok to have sex with women you don't respect or care about.
BTW, expecting someone who loves you to be faithful is not selfish.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (8 May 2013):
I don't judge and I don't laugh, yet I still think yours was / is a very,very bad idea.
Basically, you gave him permission to have sex with other women, even if this idea hurts you and worries you ? why ? are you a masochist ?
I know there are couples who willingly opt for an open relationship, or simply people who do not feel hurt by physical only escapades, and can turn a blind eye easily and naturally.
BUT, you are not among them, otherwise you would not even be writing to us.
So, why do you have to be the one to suffer for his whims and impulses ? Why can't he be the one to " suffer " and just suck it up and stay faithful ?
Do you think it is selfish of you to prevent him from going out and having his fun with other women ? .. Maybe, but isn't he as selfish ,and more ,in putting his wish to scratch a sexual itch before your happiness and peace of mind ?
So, why would it be necessarily you the one who needs to adjust and make him happy ? Isn't he supposed too to make you happy- by staying faithful ?
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