A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Question mainly for girls. I am an older guy, who is quite lucky as I still get plenty of attention from girls, smiles and signals on the street, at bus stops, shops etc. Also plenty of offers at work. Although, I have issues getting an erection(especially due to medications), I have a very strong libido and love cuddling, giving and receiving massages etc. etc, but not interested in having or even trying to have penetrative sex. I also have a good personality.So girls, if someone like me asked you out in response to your signals, would you enjoy your time or would you be upset because of lack of penetration.By the way, I am not asking about forming a relationship, just a one night stand or short affair.
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affair, at work, erection, libido, one night stand Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): OP responding to Cindy cares: to tell her it is only a one time deal is a bit ridiculous, no one does it. Whether you say one time deal or the opposite could be enough to put her off. She could think you're weird just mentioning it. It would surely invalidate the survey. And can't a warm person give warmth and companionship for a night? That is one reason my guy friend gave as to why I would invalidate the poll. At work, there are females who tell me they feel good just being around me. If I am absent for a while, they tell me how upset they are and how they miss me(they know my strict policy of not dating from work). I hope I don't sound too full of myself. But I am definitely not dreaming.Although I would never do it, if a rare guy like me picked up a girl and went with her to his or her home and only told her about his ED and no penetration when they were already in bed or halfway there, offering cuddles etc., do you really think she would just get up and leave? I don't. She would surely accept 2nd prize and try to enjoy herself as best she can.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): Personally, I wouldn't be interested.
For a one-night/short affair situation, it would need to include a lot of sex.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't like cuddling, being overly affectionate or recieving/giving massages to men that I am not in relationships, or emotionally intimate with.. I mean, what's the point?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): Personally, I wouldn't be interested.
For a one-night/short affair situation, it would need to include a lot of sex.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't like cuddling, being overly affectionate or recieving/giving massages to men that I am not in relationships, or emotionally intimate with.. I mean, what's the point?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 May 2013):
 No, I don't think the reasoning would be the one you mention, although of course it's not excluded . IMO, it's much simpler : from a steady relationship, you hopefully get your wants and needs fulfilled. Not at 100% ,perhaps, but hopefullt most of them. Since nobody is perfect , you can probably accept good - naturedly that you won't get all you want. So, I guess that if the deal is : love, companioship, security ,etc.etc.- no dick , it's still a fair deal. No love,no companionshi, no security and no dick ? Uhm, thanks but no thanks. It still depends from personal tastes, of course, but , as you have seen, the mainstream taste goes in favour of sex with penetration.
I think that you holding back relevant infos totally invalidates the nature of your poll, or experiment. Why don't you mention it IS going to be strictly physical only, or an one time deal, then see what they say ? I am pretty sure the response would be quite different. I think your friend is right, as long as they assume or think or hope ( maybe naively ) that you are going to want more, or that they can make you interested in more, why they should have a problem ? Even in this evil times :) of random, drunken hook ups , yet most women won't be OK with intercourse on a first date, and they would NOT be having / expecting penetrative sex on a first date, even with a fully functional guy.
Anyway, it seems to me you have solved your quandary, OP- you have found two willing participants, how many more do you want ?! ( Although, if I were you, I'd tell them before that this is going to be an once off , or very short term at most. Just so that there are no misunderstandings ).
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 May 2013):
Male anon : it is what it is , and females DO complain often that they feel like they have to trade sexual performances in change of some physical closeness / attention / tenderness.
But, remember that we are talking in a context of an one night stand, or short meaningless fling. I think that no woman would be surprised at all ( although she might be wistful or disappointed ) that ,with this premise, the man would not be interested in just only providing fondling and human warmth.
Plus, this is not about " cuddles " - as in, say, two young teens hugging and holding hands . This would involve total nudity, and BJs -
the OP wants sexual activity, although not extended to full penetration. Nothing wrong in his wants per se - but, probably, there's just not much market for his kind of offer and what he wants will not be what he can get.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): OP again here. I am reading that most girls here would be ok without penetration, if it was a more serious relationship, not something short. Would I be correct in thinking that this is because cuddling would bring them to emotional attachment, and then they would feel let down by not seeing the guy again? Otherwise I can't work out the reasoning.
I just want to make it clear that I would never set up a casual date without making it clear to the other party that it will involve very passionate nude cuddling etc. but not penetration. I would feel bad if I let someone down, even someone I would never need to face again. I did try a few girls last night, explaining the conditions after taking their numbers. They did not have an issue with this(excepting the ones that rejected me outright, before I got into any details). One said she "would love just to cuddle", another "anything for you". :-)
A guy friend I was with, who watched me, said it seemed to him that maybe it's because the girls seemed to be a lot more comfortable with me than with the standard "picking up" males. He also said that maybe they thought there was a chance of a longer term relationship(casual or other is not usually discussed when picking up).
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): Suppose a woman was asking this question:
"I want to find a temporary man for a bit of affection and cuddling, but I don't want to go all the way and have casual sex with him. Is it hopeless? Do I have to 'put out' to any man just to get some cuddling?"
Not only would the answers be different, they would treat of guys who just want to cuddle with a completely different attitude. Female aunts giving the answers would be complaining about how rare this kind of guy is. They would be saying its so frustrating sometimes when they can't get a guy to spend a few hours with them without having to fuck him to keep him interested.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): Wow! That sounds amazing.....before and after actual sexual intercourse. I haven't meet a female who would state that she would not want some form of intercourse.
Good Luck.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2013): As a college girl. I'm not interested on one night stands, but maybe a short affair. I do not think that one night stands require penetration, but maybe it would be expected. Maybe you can offer oral, manual or oher kind of stimulation. It could be a welcome change for some women used to in , out and done.
In a short affair, I think I would be okay with no penetration, if you would stimulate me another way, maybe toys or somthing else? fingers, tongue, you name it. Not everything has to be penetration with a penis. So yeah, just dont be a douche and have her suck you off and leave her hanging! Maybe 69 would be a good deal for you! :p
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2013): Can only speak for myself here, but considering the whole point of a one night stand is sex with no strings or emotional connections, were I in search of a one night stand I'd want a partner who was able to have hot dirty sex with me. Period. One night stands with guys who turn out to be lousy in bed are bad enough, but no sex at all? No thanks ;)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2013): Um...No. You are offering a grope, plus a BJ for you. And no Sex. Sounds like a crappy deal to me. Id be ok with that in a long term relationship, if as you say, medications make penetration difficult...but as a short term thing. No. Way.
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female
reader, R1 +, writes (9 May 2013):
 So you aren't offering a relationship or sex you just want me to lie there while you grope me a bit... Hmm... No.
I think you have to pay for that kind of thing.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 May 2013):
 So the results are: Try and see what happens. Bring a girl home for a one night stand. See the results. Report back to us if you please.
I think she wouldn't care too much, not if you can give her an orgasm. However any woman who goes home with you for a one night stand will want more than cuddles and hugs, no matter how hot you are. Unless she's a teenager who's playing the "saving herself for marriage" card and still wants to do everything else in bed. Find yourself one of those and you'll have the perfect arrangement.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2013): I`m not by any means being conceited or bragging, but I`m a model for a very popular magazine. I am approached by both men and woman romantically and continually. I am single, straight and lonely. Why, because I have yet to cross a man who could accept that I want a relationship exempt of penetrative sex. I do not desire to be penetrated by a penis, ever. Don`t misunderstand, this lack of desire has nothing at all to do with past sexual abuse or a dislike of the male sex organ, penal penetration is just not my desire. You are the type of man I am seeking BUT void of the one night stand, affair, quality. DAMN!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (9 May 2013):
I don't know , OP... maybe a girl like the skirt lifting one would be OK with everything - in the sense that she was probably so drunk that she would have passed out as soon as she hit the bed, making the debate penetration vs. cuddles irrelevant :).
Why don't you just try and see what happens , OP ? We only have our opinions and guesses and they are just as good as yours, in lack of specific stats on this subject. If it's an one night stand, you don't have to worry about looking bad or disappointing her or not being her best- you are never going to see her again anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2013): Guess I'm different to other posters on here so far. If I wasn't in a relationship and was looking for a short term fling I wouldn't want sex either. I don't understand how people can just have sex when it's not a relationship if you consider that condoms do not protect from all stds, but if there was a way around that I would go all the way, but as there isn't as far as I'm aware? Then yes for me kisses, cuddles and nudity with a hot looking guy YES!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (9 May 2013):
I think Chigirl is right.
I am not questioning your hotness, but ED IS a downer. If it shows up in the context of a loving, intimate relationship, were not only your oral and manual abilities but also the cuddles, affection, closeness etc. make up for the lack of full intercourse, I guess it can be worked around .
But for a one time deal ? Waste of time.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (9 May 2013):
To each his own, but I would say most people would want to have a penis go into a vagina.
Maybe there are alternatives to your medication? Some natural options?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, Intrigued 3000. I know men have a sense of worthlessness if they can't get it up. I am different. I never enjoyed sex so much. By me the "main course" is the caressing, cuddling etc. And if she gives me a bj after an hour or two of cuddling, that is cream on the cake. Those girls I have had relationships with and a fling with a workmate or two, they couldn't get enough. I am just wondering if a girl who doesn't know me would have the same reaction, if that is usual.
I could give you many examples of how desperate they are to get me to pick them up(not literally). E.g. just two nights ago, I was walking past a bunch of girls, and one of them separated from them and stood in front of me, lifting her skirt. Wouldn't someone like that be happy with any playing?
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (9 May 2013):
 I absolutely agree with chigirl. A one night stand or short term affair requires penetrative sex.
Do you feel that you have less to offer a woman if you can't have penetrative sex, so you are setting yourself up for a short term affair?
I beg to differ. A few years ago, when I was in my 30s, I dated an older guy who had the same issue as you. He was a very handsome, successful, sexy, nice guy, but couldn't maintain an erection. I dated him for just over one year and was never tempted to cheat on him. I was in love with him. He ended it with me because he felt that he was wasting my time or holding me back. He wanted me to find someone younger. Not being able to have an erection affected his sense of manhood so badly that he felt he was not good enough for me. What he did not realize was that his sense of worthlessness was the main factor in our relationship not working out. It had nothing to do with his Erectile Dysfunction.
For me, and I guess for a lot of women, Relationship sex is more about emotional connection and it's more fulfilling than a one night stand or short term affair. I would rather a night of kissing and cuddling on the couch with a long term partner I can depend on, than a wham bam thank you mam night with a stud.
So, to answer your question, NO a woman would not be interested in having a one night stand with a guy who has ED. However, if you were offering a loving relationship with massages and cuddling and lots of TLC, a woman would say YES to that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Chigirl. Yes, my hands are very good (on her body). Due to other guys being rejected by those girls who are trying very hard to get my attention, I would have thought they would rather have this than not having me at all. I am not being arrogant, but I know from experience that girls find me very hot looking as I write above.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (9 May 2013):
No, sorry. For a one night stand or short term affair I only want one thing, which is sex. If I wanted cuddles, massages, all of what you bring, then I'd get a boyfriend. If I want a one night stand I am doing it because I want sex.. pure and simple. That's the entire point. Unless you're amazing with your tongue and perform miracles with your fingers, then I wouldn't be interested.
Why aren't you going for relationships instead?
Btw, if you're looking for one night stands then there is no point in asking a woman if she can get by without penetrative sex. You just bring her home and do your thing (no massages though, there needs to be sex or else it's just a sleep over). If she's disappointed then who cares, it was just a one night stand anyway and you aren't going to invite her over again.
I'd have a dildo ready though, so you can use that on her in addition to your hands. If you know how to use it then I don't think there'll be any complaints.
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