A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was married for 15 yrs. my ex cheated on me with his best friends wife. I was a very loyal wife when I was married to him. After my divorse I fell head over heals in love with his brother. we have been seeing one another in secret for 4 yrs now. About 6 months ago I ltold his parents the truth. I have not spoken to them for about 5 monhts. My kids have dicided that they want nothing to do with there father.The two brother have not gotten along for yrs. My ex would always steal from him and try turning him into the cops telling them things that were not true. I have been seeing my ex-brother-in law ever since my divorse. We both want to stay single. But one day I really am hoping he will come oout in the open with it. I would have also thought if he was getting revenge on his brother by seeing me secretly that it would have ended along time ago. I just wonder if anyone out there has had something si....smilar happen to them. I am in love with this man and I just wonder if I am wasting my time...Or if later down the road things will change and he will want to be with me...I mean we have been seeing each other secretly since the divorse and he has remained single. I am thinking that maybe he has feeling for me or we would have stopped seeing each other a long time ago.I cant help it that I fell in love with him. He is all I think about. any advice most appreciated!:)
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best friend, cheated on me, divorce, fell in love, friend's wife, my ex, revenge Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 May 2013):
 I don't think this is a good scenario.
Why are you still keeping it secret after 4 years?
I can see keeping it quiet till you two knew it was serious... but after four years a decision needs to be made.
I sense he's not as committed to the relationship as you are.
A
female
reader, khot  +, writes (6 May 2013):
 Tjo......dating brothers. This will definitely make their brotherly relationship worse and pple will surely think u guys were attracted while stil in e marriage. Wen u marry into a family you not only marrying yo husband they all become yo relatives and divorcing yo hubby then gng to e brother yoh thus jus....(Yah not common). But in this day and age wat e heck...I jus personally thnk you would be better off if u had found some one else not one w complications
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 May 2013):
 I would be wary and worried about his need and want to still keep it secret.
I realize it is an unusual , sensitive situation that could create embarassment and friction in the family, but, if we look at it closely :
- there's no particular loyalty , affection or affinity between the two brothers and I doubt that your lover is ridden with guilt
- your children don't want to have anything to do with tehir father anymore, so I doubt that they'd be outraged by your " shifting of alliance " .
- your ex in laws know already, they did not take it well, perhaps understandably,but anyway the cat is out of the bag already so no big changes on this front.
All in all, if your lover is keeping your story a secret, it does not sound as this is because he feels he just could not handle the backlash, the social ripercussions.
It must be because he LIKES things this way, and why does he like them this way, is something that you have to ask yourself, if you don't want to ask him. I guess yyou are aware that one of the most likely answers would be, because he wants to look single in case something better comes along, or because he knows that , although long lasting , this relationship is a transitional one so no need for a big " coming out " when it' can be over anytime soon.
Anyway, the outlook is not so positive IMO, for the simple fact that's very hard to keep something secret when you have a big emotional investment in it. It's just innatural, people in socially "inappropriate " relationships eventually break down and face the music....if they care enough. But if they don't ,...the secret suits them fine.
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