A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have a question about what constitutes friendly behavior and what constitutes bad behavior. My boyfriend has started asking his son often when his son's new girlfriend is coming over to our house. Now, My boyfriend thinks I am jealous of his son's girlfriends. I am not. Since he is adamant that my feelings are wrong I decided to ask this question of you folk? I am aware that this may sound like normal behavior for most Dad's but this one was obsessed with his son's previous girlfriend. I think it may be a pattern.Let me explain. Son is 23, Dad is 61. Son's prior girlfriend was super cute. Even lived with us for six months. Every morning Dad would go downstairs and watch them sleeping. He would stand in the doorway while they were in bed together. He claims that it was because he was worried about his son but it felt weird to me so I started shutting the door and put a stop to it. He talked about the last girlfriend constantly. I counted once and he brought her up 6 times in one day in separate conversations. he never even talks about his own son that often. He stared at her chest. He used to always ask when she, lets call her Brenda, was coming over. When she didn't he would say dinner was boring with just the family. He once tried to go out and get in a hot tub with her and his son because he felt they needed "chaperoning". Even after they broke up, he was asking the son whom Brenda was dating and where does she live now? He asked for the address and if she was a couple with the guy she moved in with. Seemed like a lot of interest in a 23 year old girl you only knew because of her dating your son for a year.So fast forward to the new girlfriend, spunky, smart and educated. For a year they have been dating. Not once has Wayne asked if she was coming over. Until after the other day when she wore a low cut mini dress. Now he asks about her. Doesn't ever ask by the way if his daughters boyfriends are coming over. So I calmly asked him to stop. I reminded him that the son already tells us when they are coming and that I do not want to go through what I went through with Brenda. It is obvious to me that he developed a crush on Brenda and I don't want to go through that again. So he got really angry. I am just being friendly etc etc but the problem is he is never friendly to any men. Just women. I like the new girlfriend and would like everything to be normal. In my gut I sense there is more to his interest than friendliness. So wise folk, friendly behavior or crushing on young girls?I plan on sharing your responses with him.
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broke up, crush, jealous, moved in Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2014): He is perving on her...no doubt. And I bet if you started to do some snooping, you might find somethings you don't like. I don't know what this man is like, but this aspect of him is creepy (esp. the address part) and very inappropriate. He has no filter or respect of boundaries. Re-evaluate your relationship, especially if you are not happy overall. You can do better, believe me, at any age!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know it has been a long time since I wrote this question but I wanted to not only thank those who took the time to answer but to give an update.
After this we had a deal that he would not say anything sexual about his son's girlfriend, relatives or anyone we actually know. On mother's day he asked me if I had noticed how big the current girlfriend's breast are getting? She has gained some weight I guess. I was flabbergasted. It is like he cannot control himself. Not only does he have to check them out but he wants to tell me too. When I reminded him of our arrangement and told him I was mad he said "This is why I don't tell you anything." We all look at attractive people but I don;t need a play by play.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): Yep, it is inappropriate.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, his son was a typical 21 year old when this happened. And he was asleep! It is not like I am going to go to both of them and say, oh bu the way. your Dad watches you when you sleep. I stopped it. That was my method of protecting them. Bu the way son your father is a pervert.I have talked to the old girlfriend and she did feel uncomfortable sometimes but she ignored it because it is not like he grabbed her or backed her into a corner. As a lot of women do, she wanted to make nice. That was her decision. We are sometimes raised as women to accept that men will stare at our breasts. She accepted it. She did not know about the watching her though or the ridiculous amounts of time he talked about her. And why should she. It was me he was talking to.The reason I wrote this letter is because I needed impartial people to tell me if I was over reacting or not. I see that I was not. That is indeed creepy behavior and I am going to make damn sure it does not happen with the new girlfriend.
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reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (11 May 2013):
 You have described what YOU have seen and observed. What I don't see included in your post is what his son or his girlfriends think. Surely if he was acting like a creep, everyone in the situation would be very aware of it. His son must have said something to the effect of "Dad you're a creep! Either you're going to stop or I am never bringing any girlfriend over". Or he must have shared his concerns with you or someone in the family. Likewise, if your boyfriend was this weirdo, why do the girlfriends come over to your house? Most twenty somethings won't entertain hanging around a boyfriend's house if they feel their father is creeping on them. And one even lived under the same roof for 6 months. What did she say about your boyfriend? How did she feel? And why are they visiting if he is leering at them or obsessing over them? It makes no sense to me.The thing that doesn't make the most sense is this: if you feel this way about him and you have seen all the things that you have seen, why are you with this guy?
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reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (10 May 2013):
 Yea thats creepy as f###. Wow. Yuck. He needs to stop or I guarantee he will act on his lil fantasy.
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reader, myboyfriendsacnt  +, writes (10 May 2013):
I'm 26... This is creepy!! If my boyfriends farther acted like this and I was aware I would feel uncomfortable with the whole situation. The fact he has no interest at all in daughters boyfriends hits the nail in the coffin & proves that this is not simply being friendly but an unhealthy attitude that is disrespectful, mostly to yourself, then to "Brenda" & his daughters.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 May 2013):
 Not to fuel your fears, but..yeah, senile crush.
I mean, watching his son and gf asleep in bed it's just creepy, IMO. And a big invasion of their privacy !, they are not newborns that you can lovingly hover by their cradle.
Plus, as you mention, if it is just friendliness and being " one of the guys " with the younger generation, how come he does not do the same with his daughters' boyfriends ' ? How come he only took an interest in the life and whereabouts of Brenda, and not in those of the young males dating his daughters ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): Yes, this is VERY inappropriate behavior. It's actually worrisome when he is asking for her address. That makes me feel like his crush is really headed towards something more sinister:stalking, peeping, or god-forbid worse.
And watching them sleep? That's not normal unless his son was an infant. That makes no sense in any way, other than he is checking the girlfriend out while they sleep. Yuck, sorry, but it's gross for an older man to be acting this way especially with his son's girlfriends. I get it, she young and attractive, but get a grip and get another outlet.
I think you are right on the money with this one, and he needs to stop because the girls are probably sensing this and not enjoying any of it. It's just disgusting, inappropriate, and evident behavior. Get a grip!
You are so right on. NOT COOL!
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