A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend for already four years. The second year into our relationship he was not working and it aggravated me because it brought alot of problems. Eventually I got so annoyed, I went back to NY (we had moved to California) to just get away from everything. I had hoped he'd open his eyes and get it together. It didn't. It took me cheating for him to develop some motivation. Two years later, were at another problem. I come out of pocket for alot of things and it bothers me. I understand he has a financial dilemma, but he's not doing anything about it. He would literally rather play Sim City than handle his business and find an additional source of income. It really depresses me and it turns me off. I haven't been eating and I'm just getting more and more ugh. Like it bothers me to be around him and I'd rather just not be with him. He clearly is not demonstrating the necessary tools to build himself and I don't like it. How can I walk away from this relationship without hurting me? I'm sure he loves me but this whole I have limited money bit is getting played out. I try and tell him. I even tell him he's depressing me. Nothing changes.Ugh. Please advise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2013): Think of it this way: "what happens if you do stay with him?"
You could be missing out on real love and a better relationship.
It will hurt, it always does, but the alternative of staying with him could potentially be much more hurtful and draining.
Good luck:)
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 May 2013):
 As I see it... this predicament started when you were 17 YO..... a mere child.... AND, you've given this "boyfriend" all sorts of "passes" believing that HE might grow up (and "catch up" to you!).... He didn't....
Soooo, WHAT is the question???? You dump his sorry, childish a$s..... and get on with YOUR life... not caring a whit about what happens to HIM, in HIS life.....
Good luck.....
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (12 May 2013):
Do you think you will be hurt then if you walk away? You sound pretty fed up and very unhappy with this relationship anyway. You might feel some sadness because you’re leaving some-one you’ve been with for a long time and he may be hurt by this, but you can’t avoid that I’m afraid. If your relationship has run its course then you just have to get on with it, be honest with him that you no longer wish to be with him, and walk away. It doesn’t sound as though, from your viewpoint, there’s much you can see is worth staying for.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 May 2013):
 My advice will sound banal and predictable, but I really think it's nonetheless valid : cut your losses ASAP and leave him to his beloved Sim City. You don't want to be hurt, and maybe leaving will hurt a bit... but nothing compared to how much it will hurt you , emotionally and financially, if you just go on like this and let him mooch off you indefinitely. It will soon dry up your resources, and your self esteem.
Your post shows your age at 18-21 and ... really ? Do you want to start a sugar mama career at such a young age ?
It's 4 years this goes on, you have tried your best and nothing changes. Persistence is good - up to a point where it becomes foolish stubborness.
I suppose he's young too so maybe you think that he just needs to mature, to grow up, etc.etc. and that sooner or later it's bound to happen. Possible, but not certain, some people do not ever really change. And some other people need a really long time to become full title adults- who knows, maybe at 35 or 40 he'll be where you want him at. But , is this relationship worth all this waiting, all this patience ? .. I doubt it, and I guess that all in all you doubt it too- I am sure that you realize how a relationship that ends up with either party cheating at the first frustrations, shows quite a few chinks in its armour...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2013): "How can I walk away from this relationship without hurting me?"
Sorry, but you're asking the impossible. You've invested too much effort in this relationship (moving a continent away from him, cheating on him, harping on his lack of motivation and financial irresponsibility, blaming him for your depression) to just walk away and somehow think you'll be immediately better off without him.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (12 May 2013):
 Hes selfish. Bottom line. Hes lazy too. Why do u choose to wait around any longer to see if he will wise up? Leave him.
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