A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:okay, awkward subject:I've been dating a girl I really like for the past 5 months. We've been having sex on the regular basically every time we see each other.Only thing though, last month (the 25th specifically) she was on her period and was saying that I could "fire" inside of her because it did not make a difference... I now realize how dumb that really was after looking online, but she seems to think it's fine. I'm basically being paranoid, but I'm afraid that we might have gotten her pregnant, and if so, we need to prepare for a clinic visit for plan b. Would it be incredibly rude for me to ask her if everything is regular for her to be on her cycle?? Should I ride it out? I really want to make it clear to her that we need to have safe sex from now on, no ifs ands or buts, but also need to be prepared for anything that might have occurred. Life lesson.
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male
reader, toooldforthis +, writes (10 May 2013):
Thanks for the replies everyone. Going to chat with her tonight about it... I posted earlier but somehow my answer didn't populate here.Anyways, yes I normally use condoms, but that was a slip up that in retrospect I'm really worried about as I now realize how foolish it was. Never again though.Sorry for sounding cold, but yes I think this needs to be brought up at least. I've learned my lesson, but am just hoping no further action needs to be taken. If anything I think it needs to be said that she needs to be put on some sort of birth control, the reason she is not on it now is because it makes her moody. I would take some myself if I could.To be honest I think she (and I) were just incredibly naive. Full disclosure is that we had sex with a condom, and afterward in bed she said 'you don't have to use one if you don't want to as I'm on my cycle.' and despite my better judgement a I went along with it anyway... Don't necessarily feel better about the situation after reading these responses, but reaffirmed that I need to at least bring something up for communication.
A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (10 May 2013):
 OP you don't need to "tactfully mention" the need to be more careful. In this case it's better to just be very straightforward and honest. Tell her how worried you are and that together you have to make sure that you are careful every time. That means condoms and the pill, if she is prepared to take it.
Is it possible that she could be trying to get pregnant? You can still get pregnant if you are on your period, especially as conception can occur several days after sex. I'm not trying to put ideas into your head but maybe find out how she feels about having children.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): Zippy I said 'Gods' not god; Zeus, Thor etc. And it's pointless telling someone worried about having made a girl pregnant that he shouldn't have blown his load, hindsight is worthless here.
It is out of his hands now.
She's not pregnant yet zippy, I was talking about the not knowing part he's currently going through being the lesson. One that plenty of us guys have gone through.
Of course it's not simple but women do still have that option, we're 100% at the mercy of what the woman wants as its her body. Rightfully so too but they have that option we don't is the point I was making, and it's just slightly patronizing to tell someone what they should have done as he's more than aware of what that is. No need to rub it in his face.
I was speaking about his situation as is, not about responsibility, not about what he should have done and not under the assumption that she is pregnant.
I know from experience what it's like to be in his situation, broken condoms, failed pill etc. and its no picnic. He just has to wait and see. It's pointless bringing it up with her until she knows herself when she gets her period or not.
The anxious wait is enough punishment for this kind of mistake, I see no reason to throw it in face how stupid it was.
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A
female
reader, maisy1 +, writes (10 May 2013):
cerberus thats a crazy and adolescent response! its no good ejaculating inside a woman and saying its in the lap of the gods!
yes us women can just flush a baby away no probs...not like its a life or death desicion cerberuseh? must be hard for a man to simply walk away from a pregnancy while the woman only has to deal with an abortion, or birth or bringing up a kid alone!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): You just have to wait really. There's no point in asking because you'll see when her next cycle appears.
I know how you feel, the joy of being a man is that we have zero control after we blow our load and it's all up the Gods to decide whether we're condemned to unplanned fatherhood.
I've been through this more than once, yes mistakes happen, and it really is just about waiting now. You'll know in the next fortnight what the deal is if her cycle was just over 2 weeks ago.
You just have to wait in anxious hope that this isn't going to be a life sentence type of mistake.
Don't worry too much OP, it'll come up and you'll know whether she's late or not.
I don't need to lecture you about contraception, this is one of the best ways of learning the importance. Frankly women have no idea what it's like because they can just have the cells removed form their body if they don't a child. We have no say in the matter once conception occurs. There is no greater feeling of powerlessness.
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A
male
reader, toooldforthis +, writes (10 May 2013):
Sorry, should have mentioned that yes we normally use condoms regularly and yes realize the severity of the situation. I apologize for not using the right term for "plan b" but what I really meant was an "abortion pill" which is offered up to 9 weeks after the start of the last menstrol period.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-center/centerDetails.asp?f=3543&a=90210&v=details
I feel the need to tactfully mention something to her to about how we need to be more safe about contraception. I realize I must sound very cold in this posting. I appreciate the comments.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 May 2013):
 Plan b, like the morning after pill ? way too late. That only works if taken within 72 hours from the misshap .
You'll just have to wait till the end of May , and if her period has not shown up, have her take a pregnancy test.
You can ask her if everything is OK when her next period is due, right now how would she know ? Anyway, I am pretty sure that if something is wrong and she is late, she will tell you without you even asking.
From now on ,make sure she is on birth control- or at least use condoms every single time, no matter the day of the month.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (10 May 2013):
 If I am right in thinking that Plan B works the same way as the thing we call the 'morning after pill' here in the UK - then you are WAY too late I'm afraid!
I've checked on the Plan B website to be sure and they say the same as our morning after pill - it has to be taken within 72 hours for it to have any effect. So if you had unprotected sex on the 25th April you are way too late for her to take it and it will have absolutely no effect whatsoever.
You are just going to have to wait to see if her period arrives around the 25th May before you can think about anything else. I wouldnt bother talking to her about it because she will tell you if she misses her period, she wont keep that one quiet! She wont know if she is pregnant until she misses her period so if you asked her if her cycle is ok at the moment she would say yes, because she currently cant tell if she is pregnant or not.
I hope you dont actually think that pulling out is a form of contraception either? It sounds like normally she doesnt let you 'fire' inside her so on that basis I presume you just pull out? But there is a very real chance of her getting pregnant from this too, there is a thing called pre-ejaculate (pre-cum) that leaks out of your penis before you ejaculate and this contains sperm, which as I'm sure you know causes an egg to be fertilised and boom - there's a baby.
The ONLY way to be 100% safe from pregnancy and STD's is to use a condom and some form of birth control (like the pill, contraceptive injection etc). Pulling out is NOT safe at all and can easily cause pregnancy and equally you are not protected from STD's. I suggest that you get a STD check the pair of you if you have been having frequent sex without condoms, you are both putting your health at risk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013):
Who says she might want to go to a clinic for an abortion .. To me I'm sorry you sound very cold.. Yes five months isn't long into a relationship to get pregnant but maybe what you should do is stop having sex and just date if you don't want these kinda situations happening..
If my daughter had a bf like you I would show him the exit door quickly lol as if you can't deal with the pregnancy then don't do the deed.. Abortions are very emotionally and are not safe sex.
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