A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Most of my friends told me I'm a very nice,friendly,bubbly,outgoing,sweet,interesting,funny and genuine person.They really like me and enjoy talking to me cos I'm fun to be around with.Some of them even told me,"it's difficult for people to dislike you or hate you.You're an amazing person!" On the other hand,they also think I can easily get hyper or excited over trivial things,especially something funny.Yes,I admit that I'm energetic and I laugh a lot.I always laugh when I hear a funny joke.If any of my friends say or do something funny,I just can't help laughing out loud.My laughter can be very loud.Though my friends love my laughter,some of them told me,"LOL You're so funny and I love your laughter,but please don't laugh like this when you go on a date..cos this will scare guys away!"I got upset after I heard this comment.I only laugh when I find something funny.It's my natural personality! I'm just being myself and it's easy for me to open up to the others. When I talk to my friends, I laugh a lot(especially when I find something funny) and can be very loud cos I feel very comfortable with them.I only laugh at right time,in a right place and with right people.I'm quiet when I go to a cinema,a classical concert,a graduation ceremony or a funeral.I'm also quiet when I'm doing my work.But I can be very loud and hyper in front of my friends at a house party,informal social gatherings,a pub...etc...Some of my friends have given me 'advice' and have told me I'm loud.They thought the way I laugh can scare guys away and I should be more self-composed.They even told me,"If you could act more self-composed,then you would be much more appealing to guys cos most guys like girls who are self-composed.If you could be more self-composed,then you would have more options when it comes to dating"...yada yada yada........To be honest,I get upset because of all these comments. How do they know most guys don't like hyper girls? Did they ever do a research on this topic?! Why would they assume every single man or person is into the same people?!We all have a different taste in women or men. If we all would have loved the same face-type or person, then it would have been chaos!Everyone would have been fighting over one person and most people would have never gone on a date or got married. This is common sense!I think it's not fair that they impose their own standard on me! This really ruined my self-esteem.Love or relationship is all about caring,respect,tolerate and happiness. Loud and quiet are just something apparent!If a guy likes me enough,he doesn't care about whether I'm loud or quiet.He would love me and accept me for WHO I am.What do you think?Is it true that my personality is a big turn-off for guys? Or it just depends on different guys? What's the truth?Thank you!
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (12 May 2013):
Hello again. You can't really change who you are, and as you have a bubbly personality, you are probably a lot of fun to be around.
Sometimes, if people laugh loudly, it could also be a release of pent-up nervous energy, or else that person maybe feeling self-consciousness or vulnerable - without realizing it.
And hearty laughter is certainly a great way to break the ice and relax a little.
In any case as I was mentioning earlier, just be yourself and laugh if something is funny, and be conscious of other people's reactions - your friends and other people in the room - and act accordingly.
You will know what to do, and what feels right to you.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 May 2013):
 No. You can tune down, if you wish, some of your habits and mannerisms. The way you laugh, the volume of your voice is not your " personality ".
I am exactly the same person with the same character and the same faults and qualities either I speak at a normal volume, or I scream at the top of my lungs. How I ( or anybody ) choose to use voice, hand gestures, body language, etc. is a CHOICE, not a biological destiny or an ethical imperative.
Or, if you wish, you can change nothing AND be aware that there may be quite some people who won't appreciate it.
Your friends gave you a sensible advice, IN CASE you want to enlarge your platform of consents , because the TOOLS you use to express your personality may result not particularly attractive to quite some people . But if this does not bother you , and you don't care about having MORE potential admirers, then not making adjustments is a valid choice too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2013): To some, yes. Does that mean you should change? No, it just means that not every man in the world thinks you are attractive. Deal with it.
The right guy shouldn't love you DESPITE who you are are, he should love for WHO you are. Small things you put up with because nobody is perfect but their entire personality? No, I think who a person really is should be why you love someone.
Finding someone who accepts you for being a bubble head sounds to me like settling. Find someone who loves. All of you. You might want to look for guys who like dogs and puppies. Annoying yapping little puppies.
Signed,
Cat lover
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindycares:
Then do you mean I have to change myself(my personality) in order to impress others?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDorothy Dix:
I really like your answer and thank you for your support :D It's great to hear that I don't need to change my personality. I just like laughing and I enjoy it.
"Laughter is never quiet, and especially the funnier something is, it is possible that the louder the laughter will also be."----Touche!You really speak my mind! haha!It's ridiculous if someone says,"you can laugh but you can't be loud" This makes no sense.
I really like your suggestions as well as your strategy of dealing with this problem.It's a win-win situation - I don't need to stop laughing but I can still make other people feel comfortable :D
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (11 May 2013):
Look, assuming that these people are really your good friends, and they care about you , and not envious snakes-in-the-grass that just want to bring you down.... if you trust them, LISTEN to them.
It's hard to criticize someone we care for, and if they do, it means they have noticed that something looks quite off or too much.
There is too much of a good thing. Laughing is fine,everybody laughs, and having a sunny outlook who makes you always notice something amusing is actually a blessing , as opposed to being grim and pessimistic, but the outward expressions of this can become inappropriate and annoying. Not many people are enthusiastic about " loud " and " hyper ", and, without turning yourself into a fake porcelain doll, maybe you can tune it down a bit ?
You say it's natural, but so many natural things can be corrected . Like, if you were "naturally " a slob, you'd try to improve that a bit, wouldn't you ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2013): As for the laughter, I think that's a great thing, it certainly shouldn't bother anyone or put anyone off, in fact people are generally drawn to people with positive and happy dispositions, of which enthusiastic laughter would be a clear sign. In fact a particularly distinctive laugh could be a quirk that a guy could really love, so no need to change it, besides how can a person really change their laugh?As for being loud...well I don't think you're friends were trying to be mean but it's very understandable you got hurt. Sometimes, certain characteristics may seem perhaps...overwhelming (if you know what I mean?) on a first date, as you may not know the person well enough to sort of see it in the context of their whole peronality, or may not be used to it. Therefore, perhaps you could try toning it down a little on the first date with a guy and then loosen it up as you guys get to know each other better. This doesn't mean being entirely fake or concealing anything, it's just toning it down initially.Overall, no you're personality is not a turn off, girls with no personality are the only turn-off.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (11 May 2013):
Hi there. I guess we are who we are.
It is normal to laugh when something funny is said, or when something funny happens.
So don't stop laughing because someone told you that you laugh loudly.
In situations where something funny happens, or someone tells a funny joke, how about, as you laugh, just look around at the expressions on your friend's faces, and the looks on other people's faces, to see what you interpret from them.
You will know what to look for.
When you have been out somewhere in a public place, and you hear someone who talks really loud and you feel annoyed by it, you get a look on your face which shows this.
And so you will recognise this same type of expression in other people, to gauge what they are thinking, also.
Maybe you could even ask your parents and immediate family, and see what they say, to get some idea.
Laughter is never quiet, and especially the funnier something is, it is possible that the louder the laughter will also be.
Your friends don't mean to hurt your feelings, they are only trying to help you.
And in any case, the next time you go out on a date with a nice young man, and he says something funny, just laugh, and watch the expression on his face, as you do.
If he just laughs along with you, well then that's good.
If you are still laughing long after he has finished laughing, well then he might give you an odd look, or even look a little embarrassed.
You will recognise this in any case, if he is uncomfortable. It will be very obvious. Even if it is only subtle.
And if you see this, well then maybe stop then, and the next time he makes you laugh, well then laugh a little quieter.
The main thing though, is to just be yourself and accept yourself for who you are.
You probably felt pretty good about yourself, before your friends mentioned about your laughter, so just be more mindful in future, of whether you are making people uncomfortable.
You will be able to see this for yourself.
The other alternative, is don't go out with those friends anymore.
And find some new friends, who like you and accept you for who you really are.
You have to be happy with who you are, and if you are not, well then any change is up to you - and no-one else.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (11 May 2013):
 Well, your question is tricky in a way. We see a lot of posts from girls saying "Guys never come up to me, my friends get all the attention. What am I doing wrong?" In cases like that it can be good to get comments and advice from your girlfriends, because they can see how you're acting where we on here can't. But to be honest I've never heard of guys liking self composed women more, and I've never personally thought "Wow, she's hot, look how self composed she is." Is your laugh really obnoxious or something? There was a time in a restaurant where three girls in the booth in the corner were laughing really, really loudly and it was very off putting and obnoxious. But you said you don't do it in inappropriate times and places.So I think you're probably right. Especially if you aren't having a hard time attracting guys or meeting guys anyway. Why worry if that's the case? If you are, then ok it might be ONE thing to look at. But honestly I can't see it being the problem. With the girls that ask those 'why don't I get attention' questions, my feeling is it's much more likely to be they're not confident enough, or aren't giving guys signals (such as smiling and eye contact) that it's ok to approach them (because it's the woman who makes the first move, not the men), or when someone does talk to them they just look at their feet and mumble. I really can't imagine someone with an engaging, boisterous personality as being a turn off to guys.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2013): I would say you have absolutely nothing to worry about. In fact you sound fun! Everyone is different and you shouldn't behave any differently. There are lots of men including me who would like to meet a bubbly girl who can laugh a lot even over trivial things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): No my best friend is just like you and her personality is just like yours. She met her present boyfriend of hers at a family wedding two years ago. They are like two peas in a pod. Still going strong and they are a very cute couple. I am sure your special don't change anything but know when to tone down your joy and happiness. You will do just fine. The world needs more people like you. xoxo
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