A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you know if a friend is toxic? whenever I spend time with a male friend of mine i come home feeling down and stripped of confidence. He lies a lot so I never really know what is real/not, and he always makes jokes at my expense - he says they're just jokes, but they hurt.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 November 2013):
 You already know this isn't a good friendship. He puts you down, makes you feel bad about yourself. Time to make other friends. This guy sounds like an enemy, more than anything. Like he just uses you to make himself feel good. It's called being a bully. "You're so ugly, hahaha, it was just a joke" is NOT funny, and NOT a joke. It's an offense.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 November 2013):
 How is he a friend? please explain. And why do you KEEP going back for more?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 November 2013):
 Why on earth do you subject yourself to this "friend"? Stop hanging out with this guy and find some friends that actually are fun to be around.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 November 2013):
 Well, it's not like you need an official certificate of toxicity issued by a chemist- your own common sense and tastes are enough, on a simple basis of I like / I don't like.
If you like the time you spend with him and you go home feeling better than when you arrived, you mantain the friendship / if you don't like etc. and you go home feeling worse etc.etc, then you ditch him .
I don't think that friends are supposed to make you miserable or to be hard to deal with . Occasionally, in paricular moments ( they are divorcing, they lost a parent... ) you can make allowances for bad behaviour- otherwise, who needs a "friend"
who treats you poorly ?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 November 2013):
 A "joke" that hurts is NOT a joke, at all..... Maybe, you can give a guy a "pass" for ONE such transgression.... BUT.... on the occasion of a second - or subsequent - such missive.... you are looking at an abusive person.... AND you will do yourself a favor if you part from him....
Good luck...
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