A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Do fwb's suddenly go silent?I've been friends with benefits with a guy on and off (mostly on) for nearly a year. He is sexy as hell, I approached him, but at the time was going through a rocky patch with my then-boyfriend.I was open with him an he didnt seem to mind, but maintained he didn't want a relationship. It suited me just fine, but I held back on sex cause I still hadn't broken up with my boyfriend. I know now, looking back, this was very wrong and I have learned a lot from the experience. You can all call me names and put me down for what I did, I know I deserve it. But I'm here for advice if anybody wants to help.So, I know it wasnt proper fwb's to start with- we made out, but no intercourse.It went on for months, I thought he might've lost interest but he still hung round, so I'm thinking is that cause men like the chase?Well when I finally did call it off with my boyfriend, my fwb and I ended up having sex a few months later. Everything was fine for a couple weeks, talking etc, and texts most days - or sometimes 2/3 times a week. I'm always the one initiating them though. Now, hes been going on at me giving him oral since the beginning, well I finally did. He also asks me send him pics, I know that I shouldn't cause he can show people and stuff but after such a serious relationship I just feel I want some fun and do what I want without people telling me what I should and shouldn't do. And I wanted to send pics and I want to get hot and rude with this man. So I thought why not?So I send him a couple of pics to try and tempt him for us to get together that night and he says hes busy etc. so I try again the next night, same thing - he can't. I know it sounds like me chasing him all the time, I just beer fancied anyone this much - and I'm so picky when it comes to looks. I know it sounds shallow! Anyway, I left it a few days before I text him this time, and sent him a quick text on weds just to ask if hes around this week. Nor reply. A bit unusual, but he doesn't always answer - I would say around 90% of the time, and usually within half an hour or so.So next night, I sent him a text " how's your week going? Did you get my text?" No reply.Then another the following night just asking if everything's ok. No reply.I know I'll bump into him again, cause we're both members at the same club and I usually see him once a week. I suspect I have come across as too easy? Although my resistance at the beginning surely shows I am not easy? Or maybe he thinks I give everything too easily now? Too keen also?If it is this, how can I gain back the attraction once more? Do you think he'll get back in touch? Should I leave it a few more days/ few weeks? He's done this kind of thing before but if he wants to cool things down he would usually just tell me. I'm pretty sure he hasn't got any other fwb's, he hardly goes anywhere or does anything, and hes always been available most weekends. I would like another fwb if I'm honest! Then at least I won't be so focused on this one. But as I said I'm picky in the looks department! Some of you will probably tell me to forget this one, and I might have to if he keeps ignoring me. But I don't want advice to forget him, I'm after advice in how to turn things round.So far I'm thinking text in a couple weeks. Or chat to him in person in a couple weeks? Or wait for him to come to me - but I am impatient! Or find another fwb! No, I still want this man - so how do I get him attracted again?Obviously something could've happened but I guess I'll find out.Another thing, I have left something of mine at his so I could always ask him for it back.Help me with this plan!
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (11 November 2013):
When he feels horny and has probably nowhere else to go, he will get in touch.You are the one who`s asking for advice on here, not him.FWB`s is far more beneficial, when you are male, no matter what you may have convinced yourself to believe.He has used you enough and doesnt want to date you.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 November 2013):
 You asked him out- or in- twice, he said he could not.
After that he never contacted you again. You texted him 3 days in a row, no reply.
You aren't very good at taking a hint, are you ?
Sure that Fwbs can go MIA- they do it all the time. Now, the gentlemanly thing would be to tell you " sorry, but etc.etc. " or at least " I'll be busy, I'll call you when I can " or " I need some space " or whatever . Then again, ... one of the main reasons why people chooses NOT to be in a relationship, is precisely because they want to spare themselves the bother of giving explanations and justifications about their comings and goings. They want to be free to just up and vanish when they aren't in the mood.
Sorry but I think this one is history. I don't exclude that maybe in some weeks or some months he may resurface- then again, he's bound to re-disappear again with no notice, and if you have to be freaking out this way every time, well, are you sure you want to be driven to distraction for the sake of a piece of good looking d..k ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2013): Oh yes, he certainly has got me, you're right there sageoldguy1465. I think poss part of the problem is he knows it too. I always tell him how sexy he is, I compliment him way too much!! I'm stopping it!Maureen1975: you say I've been used, I disagree there, we were both clear before anything took place that it was just physical, and I was the one who approached him, so if anything I used him, but then he was aware of this so neither of us used the other - it was what was agreed on, it was a good deal. And even if I don't hear from him again, obviously I'l have learned from this to not come on so strong! But I don't regret sleeping with him, if it hadn't happened I would always be thinking of it. That's how sexy I find him!Yeah I am going a bit OTT aren't I ? :-) Oh well ! I know I need to back off.Pinktopaz: thanks for your advice, best plan I reckon, to ignore him back. It's going to be hard though! But I like your thinking. It's the only way, you're right, texting him is getting me nowhere now it doesn't seem.You've all been very helpful, and I can agree on the majority here, so thank you once again for all your help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2013): He's your FWB, not your rebound guy. He's it playing by the game rules.
When he doesn't need your company, he goes about his life as usual. He's not on call, has no obligation to quickly respond to messages (until he feels like it); he can date whomever he likes, and he isn't pretending to be a stand-in boyfriend.
He see's you getting attached. Now that you don't have a boyfriend, he's staying out of reach.
That's to your benefit. You're just friends.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (8 November 2013):
You've been coming on way too strong. The only way to turn things around is to ignore him back. It does work most of the time, but you can't jump right back in and start texting him all the time, you have to let him. If you don't hear from him, you still don't text him. So don't jump into the whole, "do I give it a couple weeks or days?" NO! You give it as much time as it takes for HIM to contact you. If he doesn't contact you, then yes, you need to drop him and move on.
Also, don't be so sure he doesn't have another fwb. That's naïve to think he couldn't possibly.
So, DO NOT text him or try to make contact anymore. You've already tried to contact him several times and he hasn't responded. Ball is in his court. The more you try to contact him, the more dumb you'll feel and the more he'll ignore you. And by all means get another guy to occupy your attention. But you do sound kind of like you want more than fwb, so this type of relationship might not really be the best for you.
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A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (8 November 2013):
 IMO, FWB NEVER works. Ever. You may have put him on the shelf too long and he got bored, or you might have chased him off...hard to say. But, when a guy loses interest in you that fast either thing could be the case...or he's a stereotypical cad. In any case, you need to move on. You need to find a more secure type of relationship...someone you connect with not only physically, but mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Even if at first that's just physical, and you start out with just physical "fwb" that later on develops into something more that would suit your needs too! I really think that deep inside you want something real, and not just fwb...based on what you've said. And, in order to find that you need to find some guy you connect to on every level. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2013): O, my god, stop doing this. Are you not humiliated enough? He doesn't even want to sleep with you, he played with your body until its topped being new and dumped you without even thinking once. Stop chasing him.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (8 November 2013):
 Look at it this way. If a man is interested in a woman (especially when there`s sex on the menu, he will not waste time. He ignores you. What does that say to you?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 November 2013):
 He's GOT YOU!!!..... so much so that you are willing to make a fool of yourself on his behalf.....
How long do you intend to let this go on?????
Good luck....
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