A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Well, here goes nothing. I'm 18 years old and I've been dating this guy for a while now and hes wanting to have a baby, along with that I could possibly be pregnant. Right now I am living at home and my parents have no idea I even have a boyfriend. I am so tired of lying to them and not being able to discuss my problems with my mom and being honest with my dad. I want to tell them but I'm afraid to. I think I'm kind of pathetic because I can't tell them because I don't know how. The reason for me being so scared to tell them is because of how my Dad is mostly. He's controlling and abusive. I'm scared that if they find out that they will take my vehicle from me and not let me see him. I've been doing all I can to try and get out on my own, recently I've gotten another job and started looking at places, but I'm so stressed out I feel like I'm going to have a nervous break down. All I want is to be open and not have to hide anything. My boyfriend says he wants to be apart of my family but that he understands why I feel the way I do. I just need some advice on what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2013): He probably says have a baby so he doesn't have to use condoms with you, boys think like that. Then the second you announce "honey I'm pregnant!" He'll run for the hills.
Not much you can do if you are pregnant expect suck it up and tell your parents. If our old enough to say you want a baby then you should be grown up enough to face them. Just don't be expecting a congratulations banner and baby shower planning.
If you're not pregnant then GO AND GET AN IMPLANT/COIL/BIRTH CONTROL INJECTION! All if these methods do not depend on you having to take a daily tablet which if you forget you risk pregnancy.
I hope you asked you boyfriend to get tested for sexual infections and HIV as if he's ever tried for a baby with another lady you don't know what he could have and potentially pass on to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2013): I had a baby back in may, i had just turned 19 this june. Having a baby this young is tough but rewarding.. If you think having a baby just cos he'll stick around is a big no no. Your boyfriend may think he wants a baby but let me tell you its hard work. Ive given up a lot for my child. I hardly have a social life at the moment but thats not to say i dont like being a mom, i love it! I know a lot of peoole say wait till youre in a stable & mature relationship or when youre married to have kids, theyre partially right in that sense. Your baby needs a stable environment, i see my boyfriend,my childs father twice a week at most as i still live at home and its tough, i have my little guy5 days a week to myself, i cherish every alone time i get to sit down and just think in silence. If you are already pregnant then congrats, but please think about this situation! Its huge! A baby costs a lot of money and time, i wish i had waited a few more years,though i got pregnant on birth control. Good luck x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): You are 18 and I am sure they know that you are of a age to start dating.I feel so sad for you that you feel that you are unable to have an open conversation and tell them you have a boyfriend. I think they will be more disappointed if you come home and tell them you are pregnant. Why not just mention to you mom that you have met a nice guy and see how she takes that news. Please take my advice and not get pregnant. A baby is life changing. Why not take your time with him. Get a good education behind you. Travel and see the world and enjoy being a teenager first. Your parents are strict because they want the best for you. Protect yourself against pregnancy. Let him marry you first. There is no rush in getting pregnant and leaving home trust me. Take it slow. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 November 2013):
 I think you should:
1. go see a doctor and confirm that you are either pregnant or not.
2. If you are NOT pregnant, then for goodness sake GET on birth-control. You are 18 - there is absolutely NO hurry to get knocked up now, even if your BF wants a baby. Because let's face it, if he realize AFTER the baby is born that having a baby isn't as much fun as he thought, HE can walk away, YOU can't.
3. If you ARE pregnant, I would suggest you sit down and make a plan. To move out of your parents house and take care of yourself. If you think you are old enough to be a mom, you need to be financially stable. And if you think you can take care of a baby, SHOW your parents you can take care of YOU first.
4. YOU need to be able make decisions for yourself NOT what you BF wants or thinks. He doesn't want to be near your family but ISOLATING you is not the way.
5. Have you tried to sit your mom down, one on one? Tell her you would really like to talk and want her to listen. As for your dad, well he might not want to with the way he is, that is why, I would talk to your mom first.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): First, get a pregnancy test and confirm that you're pregnant. By now, you probably have. I think you already know.
Secondly, it shouldn't be some guy's decision whether you should become a mother. He is young, inexperienced, and incapable of supporting three people; unless he has a college-education, good credit, and a full-time job. Then throw in full responsibility for the cost of prenatal medical-care, and hospital costs on his health-insurance plan.
You're not even brave enough to face your own parents, yet you yield to the decision of a stupid boy; that put you between a rock and a hard place. He could just walk away anytime, and wash his hands of all of this. So you have to face your parents regardless. He doesn't. If he had any nuggets, he'd be by your side when you faced them.
If you are pregnant and don't tell your parents, the baby-bump and morning-sickness will.
You're in the United States, and you can contact:
www.lifechoicesmedical.org/?1 (855) 358 0220
You don't have to face pregnancy alone. Nor endure abuse, harsh judgment; or punishment from your parents. This is an adult-situation. This happens.
You can't open up to your parents; because you've made it a habit of doing what you want in secret, to avoid their parenting. As for your abusive father; jury is out on whether he is truly abusive; or he just doesn't let you get away with things without consequences. It's tough raising a daughter, for obvious reasons. Controlling and abusive,or not.
You haven't shown good judgment as far as where your boyfriend is concerned; but that doesn't mean your parents should make you feel bad. You're no longer a small child. They can't punish you for being pregnant, if you are.
In fact, they don't have much choice; but to deal with the realities of the situation. Be certain you are pregnant, before you make the announcement. Let them know you have a boyfriend immediately.
You should not live with your parents, and keep your relationships hidden. How can they trust you? You blame them; but part of it is you.
You let the guy make a major decision, and you'll carry the bulk of the burden of a bad choice. Parenthood? When you can't open up to your own parents?
It's hard to open up to parents; when you don't trust them and they can't trust you.
You have to take the chance no matter how scared you are, and just deal with their reaction. They may not react as badly as you expect them to. Especially if they really knew you're afraid of telling them anything. They may have been over-reactive in the past; because you've shocked them a lot. I venture to guess it's always been over your choice in boys.
As far as not seeing the boy, it's not about him. It's about you. You have to develop a relationship with your parents, and stop trying to avoid allowing them to do their job.
You may not agree with how they see things, but you closed them off. You are the one afraid to open up. Why? Because you don't want them to know what you're doing, and you don't want their advice or interference. Just for them to approve of whatever you do. No matter what.
That's not how it works. They have to disagree, say no, and offer consequences when you do something wrong. They set rules as long as they have to support you, or allow you to live in their home.
Talk to your mother. She will be upset with you, but more emotional and caring. You father will also be upset. Taking away your car is no big deal. He still has to treat you like a daughter. If he doesn't, your mother is the one you turn to, until he comes around.
Please don't allow yourself to be stressed and alone. Please talk to your mother as soon as you can, my dear.
Everyone makes mistakes; but you'll always find a way to correct them. Sometimes, you have to face tough consequences. Just be brave, and it all works out.
Please let us know how it goes with your parents.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 If you are already pregnant, well... congratulations, what else can we say, but do not be surprised if your parents are not going to be elated , they would not be even if they were not strict, controlling and abusive- that's a rather shocking Xmas gift anyway , which you are going to deliver to them.
If you are not pregnant- do NOT become pregnant, no matter what your bf says. Are you kidding ? Is it a bad joke ? You are only 18, can't support yourself, can't move out, have no other roof than your parents', in short you are not even in position to be fully responsible for yourself , and you want to be responsoble for another human being ?
I wonder if by any chance your parents are being so " mean " and would take your car away etc. if they'd find you have a bf - precisely because they've got your number and they imagine what kind of shenanigans you'd be up to if they weren't on your case all the time ( attitude that never works regardless, and you are living proof of that, and yet I don't blame the parents if they are clumsily tryng... not to become grandparents yet ).
If you can stay not pregnant, easy does it. Small steps. The devil you know etc.etc., so start ny introducing your bf at home, inviting him to dinner or something. You can be a bit vague the first time, you can label him as " a very special friend " , or " someone I am very close to "... that will give them a hint, parents are not stupid, they'll know where you are getting at. But you'll reach there once they have seen him and spent time with him another 3 or 4 times, and will have seen that he is a normal , decent guy, does not show up drunk or on drugs, is polite, treats you ( and them ) respectfully etc.etc.
After which I think the transition to " my boyfriend " will come natural , unless he has skeletons in his closet which you have not told us about,- every parent comes to terms, sooner or later, with the fact that their kid ... is actually an adult over 18 and has a love life.
Although, I must say, that the fact that he is TRYNG to make a girl pregnant at 18 is surely not the best way for him to endear himself to any parents...
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