A
female
age
26-29,
*ermanently_Confused
writes:I'm in love with a guy who is around 4 years older than me, which (considering my own age), is a difference blatantly big enough to make some people care about my 'safety', and just the general 'its wrong' that I get from some 'friends'. Okay, maybe it is a little wrong.This guy...he is wonderful. Kind, sweet, shy, dorky and unbelievably attractive. He is the most amazing man and I have fallen in love with him for who he is. I truly have - I feel beyond words whenever I am around him. He has never asked me to change and I feel alone when I'm not with him. He is truly a man and so different from the immature 'boys' that have been in my life. I've known him for a year, and it's been one of those friendships that has grown on both sides.The thing is, we're still 'just friends'. We both know we like each other, but because he is the elder (and shyer), he is very reluctant to get physically involved (i.e even just holding hand or kissing would make my entire year) Whilst I totally understand why he feels like this, it feels so frustrating because I know he feels roughly the same way about me, except he is worried about what people would think etc. Is there any way I can make him relax enough to feel comfortable with being even slightly physical? He is very strict in the sense that we might touch for maybe a second during a hug, but after that he'll retract and be all closed again because he deems that 'its gone too far'. This is incredibly hurtful because I know he feels uncomfortable but I can't help but feel rejected.All I need is to be with him and for him to be okay with at least small physical contact. I guess it's a human need to be close to another you love.
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (23 November 2013):
 dont force him if you care about him wait untill he is ready plus you could get him into trouble
A
female
reader, It'sgoodtotalk +, writes (9 November 2013):
You mention your need to be with him etc but what about his need? he obviously likes you but at the moment is not comfortable with anything else for various reasons.I don't think there is a lot that can change this at the moment. Only time spent as friends. Maybe in time he will see things different but sounds like at the moment he has an issue with the age gap. This will change.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 November 2013):
 Yeah but it's a human need also to want to be able to choose freely WHOM you want to be physically close too, and I am not sure you are respecting that.
Your friend has clearly and repeatedly indicated that he feels uncomfortable touching you , or being touched by you, and also expressed that he does not want things to go " too far ".
Do we want to show him the courtesy of accepting that he may have his own good reason for that ? I mean, like because of a conscious decision, not just out of being too dumb and too dorky to make a move ? In other words, you want to encourage him, but maybe he does NOT want you to encourage him, have you thought of that ?
The reasons may be widely different. He might be wary of people's comments, and that's a legitimate reason, whatever you may think- not everybody is OK with having the reputation of someone who goes after " barely legal " .He might be cool with you as a good friend, but not see you as Gf material. He may think that , legal or not, you are too young to have sex with, and he knows how it goes : a hug turns into a kiss which turns into a French kiss which turns into etc.etc. - he does not want to be tempted :). Or, he is simply a big dork with a fear of women and intimacy, but in this case too, he meeds to grow out of it gently and at his own pace, without too much prodding and pushing.
Moral : IMO, the guy may be a dork, he may be shy all you want, but if he is not stupid, he knows what he's doing and he knows why. Respect his choice and let him be- he KNOWS you like him, he KNOWS you want to kiss him, to be romantically involved- the moment he'll want those things too, he will let you know.
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