A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I am deeply concerned with my obsession with sex, it has interfered with my ability to concentrate and focus. I recently broke up with my boyfriend so I do not know how I can get rid of my horniness! I do not want a one night stand though.I have always been horny and it was at its worst when I was in high school. Now that I am 20 I thought it would get better but I truly feel sick without a lover. Am I addicted to sex? It is not like I want to sleep with anyone, I only want to sleep with someone I feel emotionally connected to. I feel like I might get sick if I do not find a boyfriend soon!I do not want a fwb relationship because I do not want to have sex with someone I do not love and I KNOWI fall in love with a guy if I sleep with him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2013): Welcome to the experience of being a guy. So much horny urges and so much struggle not to exercise it ways we will regret for one reason or another.
By the way, we usually start having urges this powerful in middle school! We're lucky if we only have to endure 3-4 YEARS of total sexual frustration before we can get someone to have sex with us!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2013): You sound like me! I'm constantly wanting sex. I'm with someone but he works ago and is very tired so I do it myself, lol. Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of go and buy a couple of sex toy and enjoy youself. I don't think you are addicted.. You like sex. Addition is something you can't control and you are by saying you don't wanna have sex with just anyone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2013): I am 22/F and I LOVE sex. I could do it 2x/day everyday.However, I am single, but don't mind taking care of myself!Buy a vibrator, watch some good porn, try to enjoy learning more about your body :)I don't think you should worry too much about it. I think about sex a lot too…I've even relieved myself at work before because it was distracting me! But I don't really see a problem with it…it only takes 5 minutes to get off! hahaPS. If you really do fear that it is interfering with your life, it wouldn't hurt to talk to a therapist. Sometimes it just helps to vent about things, and she could help you determine if your "obsession" is unhealthy. But it doesn't sound unhealthy to me :)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 November 2013):
 "Sex".... or "making love".... How you approach and enjoy it is in YOUR hands.... It's NOT an "either/or" proposition... Right there in your submittal, you say that you wish to have the romantic (love) connection... Soooo, I don't see why you have much of a question...
... UNLESS you are concerned that your strong libido (sexual desires) is, in some way, "wrong"..... which they are NOT!!!!!!
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2013): I honestly think that you are just a normal healthy female listening to the call of nature to mate and produce ofsprings.That is very normal and all girls have it. I think you need not only sex but to love and be loved. In the meantime you should fill your free times with some hobbies and reading romantic novels till you find your soal mate whome you will love and he loves you back.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 November 2013):
 You sound pretty normal to me. Some people are more sensual and sexual than others and think about sex a lot- and at your age, I think ALL people think about sex a lot :).
You just broke up, you were used to a regular sexual activity, now you don't have it , and you are feeling sort of withdrawal symptoms, also fueled by the crush for the coworker.
I also don't think it's JUST physical horniness, if it was JUST an overwhelming need for release, you would not have the qualms you have about flings or one nights stands, or you would be content with some masturbation marathon.
I think, again , that you recently broke up, you miss the contact, the warmth, the cuddles , the emotion.... you are a bit skin hungry . You want to feel closeness and , particularly at your age, it is difficult some times distinguishing between the emotional and the strictly physical need , the lines are blurred.
I think ( and hope ) you are not really " obsessing " as in, not sleeping, not eating, not working etc. ( But if you are, you need to see your doctor ,OK ? ) If you just happen to think about sex a lot- there 's nothing wrong with that, and you DO have control, you can decide if you have time to indulge your fantasies or distract yourself with hobbies, sports and gym, or dancing or ... any other channel to express your pent up sexual energies .
Plus, there's nothing wrong with masturbation too- of course it's less fun than... having company, but at least it will take care of the purely physical cravings.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2013): Actually, it does sound like you are addicted to it.Others might say "no, this is typical for your age" etc etc, but let me highlight a few of the things you have written:"I am deeply concerned with my obsession""It has interfered with my ability to concentrate and focus""I truly feel sick without a lover""I feel like I might get sick if I do not find a boyfriend soon!""I KNOW I fall in love with a guy if I sleep with him"All of these are classic signs of addiction, including the withdrawal stage. Addiction ruins one's ability to focus, because the need for the addicting substance or activity (sex, in your case) is overwhelming. People in withdrawal often feel physically sick, and believe the impending sickness will only be avoided or overcome if they can regain access to the thing they are addicted to. This is exactly what you are displaying. What is perhaps most concerning is your belief / fear that you will automatically fall in love with someone immediately after sleeping with him. It sounds as if you are tricking yourself that you are in love, in order to keep the sex coming.In doing such a thing, you are lying to yourself and to the other person -- and lies are a hallmark of addiction, because keeping up with the addiction becomes more important than telling the truth.It's true that people can have very high sex drives, especially before the late 20s or early 30s set in, but some of what you are saying is positively disturbing.If I were you, I would seek counselling. I would be as open with your counsellor / therapist as you have been here on DearCupid. There may very well be confidence and esteem and possibly body image issues here. Your counsellor will be able to help you determine if your sex obsession is dangerous to your physical or mental health, and whether or not there is an underlying cause.I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2013): Sorry I said "I do not I do not" like ten times! I have had a huge crush on a coworker for three years and for those three years, every day (except when I was dating my bf), I've been fantasizing about having sex with him. Sometimes I wanna just ask, "Wanna have sex?" I know it will creep him out and he doesn't even like me.
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