A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm newly wed (5 mnths) and I've been feeling really homesick lately, to the point where I've been in tears just wishing for my mom. Part of this could be hormones from my pregnancy (also 5 months :]), but I don't really cry or feel sad about anything else so I'm doubting it. I'm mostly wondering if it's normal to feel homesick after getting married(or moving together, since we didn't live together until after the wedding)... I feel sorta bad about it because I know I love being with my husband and the anticipation of being a family of 3, but sometimes I really just wish I could go back to being my mom's little girl, and having a primary role of big-sis. I used to live at home, and I miss my baby siblings so much it hurts. I feel like I've abandoned them. One of the few times I got to see them, I was taking the youngest one (4) to the restroom and accidentally caused him to wet himself because I had absolutely no clue that he freaked out when the bathroom door was completely shut...and he had never wet himself while awake EVER. He cried so bad, and I felt like a stranger... everyone else knew. It's got to the point where between college and my husband's work schedule, I don't see them at all. (side note: we share a car + I'm sorta still learning to drive)Since we got married I've seen my immediate family (mom and siblings) about 4 times, and seen my dad only once. I haven't seen most of my extended family at all. This is really hard for me because I was never really the type of person to make strong friendships other than family, and my extended family is really close knit.On the other hand, I've gotten to know his family very well since much of his world revolves around them. We currently share a house with his aunt and her 3 children, and visit his mother and grandmother on a weekly basis at least. This is partially because he has a daughter and he likes to take her to see them. I've no qualms with his family, they're really cool and I count myself lucky to not have the in-law problem. But I wonder if this is a trend that will continue indefinitely if I don't explicitly ask for us to make time to be a part of my family as well. Or perhaps that will come naturally after our child is born?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2013): Thanks a lot aunties/uncles. I actually live in the same city as my family, so I think I'll be able to do some of the things you advised.
Not sure why my post is tagged "my ex" lol ...nothing about an ex in there eh?
you're all right, communication is so key... turns out the root of the problem is he feels out of place in my family, and my mom said that I never invite her...true...never actually thought about her coming over here lol just considered my going over there, we'll fix that in no time~ :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2013): You telling a story that sounds much like that of one of my younger sisters. Our family is very close-knit, and we spoil the younger ones. My mother died when we were young; so the older siblings pamper the younger ones to compensate.She used to call crying; because he worked long hours and sometimes on weekends. She was scared, didn't like the foreign weather; or just felt isolated. This is all so very normal for a new bride. My dad would always give her a call each night, and say prayers with her to ease her a bit.She took some courses that were paid for by my brother-in-law's company. She made a lot of friends, many who were bilingual; and learned to do some foreign cooking. She too became pregnant, and that slowed down activities due to some complications. Again, my dad stepped in. He got on a plane and traveled to spend time with her. When my nephew was born, we hardly heard from her. She had her hands full. When he started teething, she got herself a part-time job across the street. She often let him play in his play-pin at the the little shop where she worked. It all worked out.You adapt to your situation and you make the best of it.If your family has the financial means to travel, encourage them to visit. Provided you have room to accommodate them.Find local shops who need help, and you get to know your neighbors, and they will soon embrace you. If you isolate yourself, they think you are being snobbish, and will treat you accordingly. Even if you are snubbed; be friendly anyway, there is always some sweet old-lady or young wife and mother who could use someone to talk to.Learn to use public transportation. Take walks and familiarize yourself with the locals. Find all the parks and shopping plaza's and you'll feel more independent.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 November 2013):
 Of course you have to ask for what you want. Your husband is not a mind reader, I guess he gets you are homesick, which is perfectly natural and normal since this is the first time you are not living with your parents and the first major change in your life, but precisely because SOME homesickness it's normal and natural , probably he has no idea of the major extent you are feeling it, he thinks it will die down in time ( in this he is correct, it will ) and he does not think there are any specific steps to take about it.
Plus, believe it or not, everybody of us, even the most lovinh husband or wife, is at least mildly selfish, in the sense that if something works well for us, and there are no expressely voiced objections, we won't go out of our way to make it different or better for another person 's sake. The assumptions is , if it ain't broken, don't fix it.
In your case, it is a little bit broken, and fixable.
So, tell him you need to alternate weekends between his family and yours, at least for now- it is a reasonable request, - and DO learn to drive amd possibly get your own transportation. And/or learn your way around by public transportation. When you'll have done that ,you can go on your own while he is taking his daughter to his relatives , if he does not want to see yours so often. And / or have your family come over to see you at yours- it may not be convenient for them since there are young siblings involved, but, hey, you are pregnant ! and soon you'll be superbusy with your own baby, they need to do some leg work too.
Plus, anyway ther's phone, Skype, emails, yexts- in that, technology and 24/7 connection, that may be a big paon in the ass , are a big great helpful hand in situations like yours, they allow you to keep yourself updated about everything that's going on at your parents' home.
last but not least, wait until you have the baby, and see how much it will absorbe you physically,mentally, and emotionally- you will have much less time and energy for cravings and longings. Plus, in time you'll see that chilodren are great ice breakers and conversation openers- you can make friends with other moms at preschool or at the playground. Do not neglect ti connect with new people, even if it does not come too easy to you, it's important. After all, your family is your fanily and you will always love them and cherish them- BUT , you have voluntarily signed on for a new life with new habits , new priorities, new people etc. So, just go and get it , your new life, and enjoy it !
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 November 2013):
 This is very normal, even more so when a woman moves far from her family. Is the only thing holding you back from spending more time with your family the fact that you haven't explicitly asked? Why are you avoiding having this discussion with him? Please don't just asume that this will solve it's self or that he will eventually figure it out on his own. Communicate! It is what relationships are made of.
FA
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