A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This question is for everyone: How do you feel about the woman proposing to the man? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 November 2013):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Step one: meet the right guy.
Step two: drop hints.
Step three: talk about it directly.
Step four: wait.
If he doesn't propose after that don't bother asking.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2013): I guess the most important opinion comes from the guy being proposed to. I personally see nothing wrong with it.
If he's dragging his feet. He has occupied a major part of your life; but seems to be enjoying all the benefits of a marriage without the papers. Why the heck not? Somebody's got to do it!
It's a yes or no question. You just have to be "man enough" to take "no" for an answer.
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A
female
reader, It'sgoodtotalk  +, writes (9 November 2013):
She proposes, he proposes or they propose together. Every relationship is different and people have different expectations. I do not see a problem with it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 November 2013):
 I think it's fine. But I would check with the guy first, as it is to him it matters, not everyone else. If the guy you are with is open to the idea then I think it's a great thing to do if the woman wants to propose. It gives the woman an equal power in the relationship to express how she feels and ask the question. Rather than just sit and wait and wait and wait..
But, some men are more traditional, and would prefer to be the one to propose. In that case it could be best to wait.
A traditional alternative is to propose on February 29th. That's traditionally a day "allowed" for women to propose. If you can wait 3 years. In tradition, if the man says no, he must buy her 12 pairs of gloves for each month of the year. So that no one will see she's not wearing a ring..
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (9 November 2013):
Dear OP,
I think it would be best if the partner was proposing who seemed a little more doubtful and a little less committed in the past, as a sign that she or he is now ready to settle down and make a choice for life.
If the proposal comes from the person who is already more committed and very focused on the relationship, it doesn't have the same magic. It's like someone taking a jump forward when the other one isn't ready.
So, what I want to say is: If you're a woman and you're proposing to a man who is already very committed to you and would love to marry you, then it's a beautiful gesture. It's like a reward for his faithfulness and what he brought to your life. If you're proposing to a man who's commitment to you is still not clear, who you've been chasing for a long time.. then no. Then it seems desperate, as if you wanted to put a ring on him in order to make the relationship more stable.
I guess in the end, it's not about man or woman, it's about the balance in the relationship.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 November 2013):
 In theory there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, in practice I see there may be a little technical problem.
I have got the feeling that women are less equipped than men to handle rejection. Probably because since it's not traditional for them to take the initiative in love, and go out on a limb, so they have had less occasions to practice. Of course rejection sucks for everybody , but, at least judging from Dear Cupid's posts, men can at least pretend to take it in stride, while women often flip out. They cry and wring their hands even over not having beeen invited to dance as much as they wanted, or at being told ONCE : Not tonight, dear, I have got a headache :).
So, ... what happens if you propose and he says no ?....
Do you swallow your disappointment, say " Ok, maybe it was not the right time, I'll try again in future " and continue a loving relationship with no hard feelings ? ( I know men that have acted exactly so )
Or, you freak out, feel intolerably hurt, start accusing him of having used you and taken you for a ride, call him a Peter Pan who is afraid of adult life, or maybe even dump him on the spot ?...
It all depends how would you handle rejection. If you suspect you would not take it too well- let it be. Wait that he is good and ready and he asks YOU, the old fashioned way.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 November 2013):
 Interesting question. Technically it's only a matter of tradition. Many women get so wrapped up in the anticipation of the proposal, that they would feel cheated if they did it. Some even complain if the proposal isn't what they expected.
The thing that bothers me most is that men are avoiding marriage so much these days. With out that this question would have never come up.
So reasons why the woman shouldn't ask. One, it encourages laziness and a submissive attitude in the man. If you are wanting a manly man don't take his duties away from him. Two, there is a risk of rejection, if he hasn't asked it could be because he doesn't want it. Three, it is a defining moment in the relationship. (kind of like reason 1) Four, you will never have an engagement story to share with the other women.
Reasons why a woman should ask. one it is every bit as much her decision as it is his. It always has been. Two you don't have adjust you timing to his getting around to it. Three perhaps the power balance in your relationship would already make this appropriate. Four, You are just tired of hinting, and want to clear the air. Five, you have a really cute idea and just want to try it.
Personally I think engagement is often a coming to the mutual conclusion that you both want to move to that level in the relationship. Generally the guy knows what the answer will be before he asks. In my mind I like the idea of a planed mutual proposal. But then, I'm fairly submissive and nontraditional.
How is the communication in your relationship? Do you know how he feels about this? What is his likely reaction?
FA
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (9 November 2013):
 i don't think there's anything wrong with it whatsoever. however, most men i know would much rather be the one to propose and most women i know would prefer to be proposed to. but whatever works for each couple! anything goes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2013): Not for me. That's his job.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2013): I think its perfectly fine.
However what I find very strange and disturbing is that apparently a lot of women ame maybe their male partners do not think the woman should propose. Therefore the woman instead pressures the man to propose to her. Like using guilt or pregnancy. This is so wrong. Why not just propose to the guy? Or maybe this is done after the woman has proposed and the man said no? (Happened to a male friend or mine and that is how he ended up married.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2013): I don't think it is an issue at all. What's the big deal?
Why would anyone think it shouldn't be done??
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (9 November 2013):
I wouldn't do it...
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