A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So Sunday will be me and my gf's one year together. We talked about it in advance and agreed we wanted to do something special on that day to celebrate. I requested off of work and everything. Well tonight, I mention that it feels like forever since I have gotten to see her and I can't wait until Sunday (anniversary). We've both been really busy with school and work, etc. Her response is to say "actually it will be Monday. I told my grandpa I would go see him on Sunday." She made absolutely zero reference to having any clue what Sunday was or that she was in the least bit sorry about postponing. I mean, I went so far as to request off work for that day! And she couldn't even give a heads up? I asked her when she was going to tell me this and why it wasn't mentioned until just now. I told her it hurt my feelings because we both discussed it and decided we wanted to celebrate and it felt as though it didn't mean as much to her as it did me because she didn't even tell me about the change of plans, nor really even acknowledge it after it was mentioned. It just seemed so "oh, by the way...." and not at all a big deal, considering we both said it was important. I know there's a lot of people who don't celebrate annual anniversaries unless you are married. But since we both agreed to this, and both said we wanted it, it made me feel stupid she didn't even seem to care. Am I wrong for this? Are my feeling unjust? FYI. I'm a girl. Not a dude. Thanks in advance. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 January 2014):
 Your feelings are not unjust- they are just different from hers.
You think that celebrating a one year anniversary right on the appointed day is a big deal. She does not think it is such a big deal. It's not unimportant, not irrelevant - seen she still WANTS to celebrate it officially which I guess it's more than most people would do- just not such a big milestone that can't allow for a bit of flexibility.
Does it mean that she does not love you or does not care about you ? I don't think so. Just that she feels differently about things like anniversaries. Her feelings are not unjust either, - of course it's disappointing that you can't feel exactly the same on every occasion and subject (... not really... think how boring it would be if you always felt excatly the same... ) but it does not mean that she SHOULD be thrilled about the same things as you.
Now, though- in a way I get where you are coming from, since I am a rather organized type that does not do " spontaneous " too well. I don't want to ! If I say Sunday at 8 , to me it MEANS Sunday at 8 , not Monday at 9, and I expect people to keep the engagements they freely have consented to. So, if you want to read her a bit of a riot act and invite her - kindly- to be more precise and respectful of your common plans, you have my approval :).
But NOT because she can't get emotionally overwhelmed about your first annversary's celebration.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2014): Your feelings are never unjust. Even if for her it's not a big deal, a simple consideration would be nice on her part, tell you ahead of time.
The only thing I can say for her excuses that she didn't think it was a big deal to you also. That's why the behavour. What was her reaction after you told her?
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