A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My fiancé got upset that I didn't say goodnight to him.He wanted me to work on my project which I did late into the night. He was still up and in another area of the house when I decided I was really tired and I went to bed. He woke me up and said to me that I didn't even say goodnight to him and that this is what I really thought of him. I told him I was sorry I insulted him and that he felt that way but he was still upset with me. Finally I drifted back to sleep, but I couldn't sleep for long over this, so I got up really early like 3:30 a.m. today and did some stuff around the house. Is it rude not to say goodnight. I just forgot. I didn't expect a hissy fit over it. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2014): That is not a normal response, to wake someone up to tell them you forgot to say goodnight. It is out of synch of what normal people do. He should have discussed this with you in the morning and let you sleep. I find it odd what he did. Maybe there are more odd things about him. We as women tend to overlook these sort of things and want to see the good in people, but those little things are what add up. If he can't handle you not saying goodnight then something is off and I think he needs to seek a counselor. Sounds like he has deeper issues. He appears needy. Something is not right with this whole scenario.
A
female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (15 January 2014):
 Sounds a bit of an over reaction to me on his part
my OH had some work to do last night and I fell asleep on the sofa, I was so so tired, I at some point got up and went to bed... would I normally say goodnight if I had not been so exhausted of course I would have and he knows that which is why it was not a big issue.
however did he wake me up on coming to bed
yes he did
Was it to moan at me for going to bed, no it wasn't it
tell him to chill out, you got tired, you went to bed, you forgot to say goodnight it is going to happen when your that tired :)
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female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (15 January 2014):
What the hell is wrong with that guy?
Is he really so insecure that one instance of "failure to say goodnight" warrants a complete tantrum and an assertion that you don't love him?
Red flag. HUGE red flag. Be on the lookout for others, and if this behavior escalates or continues, do not, NOT marry that man.
You did nothing wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2014): He owes you an apology for waking you up for that. What kind of petulant little dickhead wakes a person up so just he can give them shit?
OP that's not on, he doesn't get to do that and he needs to say sorry. It could have waited until the morning but instead he wanted to wake you up with the sole intention of making you feel like shit, making you feel sad, guilty and stress you out. In other words OP, instead of being reasonable he punished you, punished you like a little child for not saying goodnight.
Each to their own about the goodnight thing, when sober I always say it and let my wife know I'm heading to bed. But sometimes she may fall asleep on the couch or drunkenly fall up the stairs to go to bed without saying it.
But I can tell you this, she certainly wouldn't be my wife if I was the type of wanker who woke her up just to give out to her. That's just nasty, petty and mean. There is only one result from that, it's lying there awake most of the night either pissed off he did that or thinking too much about it to fall back to sleep. It's cruel and unusual punishment and if I ever did that to her I'd find my balls in a glass on my bedside table and rightly so.
Two wrongs don't make a right, and that's not okay OP. Do you really want a relationship where he feels it's okay tp punish you in ways like that?
You were "inconsiderate" so he feels he has the right to be even more inconsiderate back?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 January 2014):
 Whether we together - at one of our homes, and do so directly - or "together-apart" at our individual homes... we always TRY to say "Goodnight, I love you." That way, if either of us dies during the night... that will be the last words we said to one-another.
IF, however, circumstances are such that we happen to miss a night..... SO WHAT??????????
Tell you hubby that I told YOU to tell HIM... to "lighten up"!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 January 2014):
 Ah, needed more coffee before typing.. lol meant to type..
I DON'T think it warrant a hissy fit, but ...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2014): First off, no its nothing I would wake my fiance up for, but yes Im guilty of "throwing a fit/my feelings getting hurt because he didnt say good night. BUT. It is when Im feeling "neglected." Like if we havent seen each other-as in our schedules havent matched OR when we havent gotten to spend quality time together. Thats usually the reason behind it for me. I hope that helps!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 January 2014):
 My first thought is that something else is behind his actions, because his response to your not saying "good night" is the equivalent to killing a fly with a grenade.
We say goodnight to each other, but there is sometimes when we don't. Neither of us take offense to it, because saying "I love you" trumps that every time.
I would say "What is really bothering you?" because his hissy fit is a gross overreaction, and my thought is that he was manufacturing outrage from a speck in order to get my attention. It would have seemed more valid if, the next morning, he would have said something like "I'd really prefer it if you say goodnight." That would be more proportional, but something else is bothering him unless he's got some sort of psychological diagnosis going on.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 January 2014):
 I mean you probably should, but waking you up just to yell at you about it seems INCREDIBLY over the top. Like a child's temper tantrum. I mean it was a little inconsiderate, but not THAT big of a deal.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 January 2014):
 My, you've got yourself a regular Miss Manners over there.
Yes, you should have wished him good night, yes, it's the nice thing to do. But, some times, people forget stuff , and they also forget to be nice. They forget because they are tired sleepy distracted worried preoccupied drunk unwell- or they forget just because. If it happens often, yeah red flag, if it happens once in a blue moon, it's just a sign that they are HUMAN not robots, and the hissy fit is unwarranted.
Plus, like EWO said, he woke you up to scold you ? Wasn't something that could have waited till morning ?! Another vote for pot calls kettle black.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (15 January 2014):
 From the other side of the pillow.
Here I am talking away assuming that she is listening in the next room. I ask a question, no response. So I rephrase it, no response. So I go see if she is still there. Yes but she is totally checked out of the conversation. I feel like an idiot. I've been foolishly talking to my self for ten minutes. Because I'm feeling foolish I could lash out, or I could just realize that I'm boring.
So much for my related experience. Yes he pitched a hissy fit. No better word for it. At the stage of your relationship (which is much younger than mine) I can not imagine going to bed without saying so, unless you literally fell from the project to bed. Now frequently due to unmatched scheduled I will lay down to read and fall asleep before saying good night, while she is doing something more active. I would never wake her up just to say good night or to complain. Simply at this point I know it would do no good. On the other hand If I fall asleep reading, while waiting for her, I want her to wake me when she comes to bed, but because she values uninterrupted sleep she does not wake me.
So what is the point of this rambling? Your relationship is young, you are still learning about each other. You both made a mistake. You will not make that mistake again. Hopefully he has learned as well. On the other hand, after decades together, my wife and I still misinterpret each other, and sleep is still an issue. This is not a deal breaker. Going to bed together is more important to him than it is to you, because he values you. You woke up early this morning and stewed over this for hours because you value him. That is a good place to start.
FA
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 January 2014):
 It does not warrant a hissy fit at all. he so over reacted.
Yes we say goodnight with a kiss and good morning with a kiss every morning... and when we get home with a kiss.
ONE house rule is NEVER WAKE A SLEEPING PERSON unless the house is on fire or you have a prior request to do so at a specific time....
I tend to go to bed before my husband. he is usually at his computer gaming with headphones on... but I go over to him and wait for him to come to a stopping point and say "I'm going up and give him a kiss"
when he comes to bed... if I wake up when he adjusts the covers I will roll over and kiss him again...
In fact, I tend to tell him whenever i am leaving the level we are on together if I plan to stay on the other level for an extended period of time.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 January 2014):
 He WOKE YOU UP because you didn't say goodnight? And he accuses you of being inconsiderate? Pot calling the kettle black in my opinion.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 January 2014):
I think think it warrant a hissy fit, but yes, I ALWAYS say goodnight to my husband if I go to bed before him (which is quite often).
I also ALWAYS say goodbye when I end a phone call, I don't just "hang up".
Is it rude? Nah, but a bit inconsiderate, it would have taken you a couple of minutes to locate and say good night. I get being tired, but I'm sure you could spare those 2-3 minutes.
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