A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What are some small signs that a person, any person, may be a control freak?Any person, friend, potential date, work colleague, family member, friend of friend, someone you have just met, and/or maybe looking to maybe be friends with.It could be the work colleague you think you know, yr hairdresser, yr brother n law, or the friend that you see 2 times a year,or regularly.. anyone..am NOT just talking romantically!! any personThe subtle signs that aren't always obvious, just wondering as sometimes ppl hide it well.. and may seem easy going but.. Im not talking nasty or mean, just someone who likes to be in control or know whats going on.. a control freak type person, even in a little way.. we are all like this in out own way but some ppl need to be I control and may seem meek and nice and hide it well. I was just wondering..please explain yr answer.answers appreciated..thanksaddit; recently I was told a story, where my younger sister was making dinner for my brothers mother in law and her partner, (who were visiting my sister and her family in my sisters state.) My sister was making dinner and when she was done she called out to everyone there, my brothers mother in laws partner said assertively "im coming I coming" how is this controlling? on the phone my siter said" I think that ***** is in control" it got me thinking is all.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 January 2014):
 well service people that work for me are being controlled by me as they are doing my bidding.. this would be my hair dresser cutting my hair the way I want...
I can't see how a service provider could be controlling.
my husband is OCD and order is his way of controlling...
but unless a person is trying to tell me who I can see, or be friends with or what to wear or read or trying to take my choice away from me I don't see it as controlling.
Controlling your own life and area is very different from controlling another person.
I can be In control of my life and my choices and not be controlling another person.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): this is the poster. Im only asking a question, out of interest!
@Honeypie I have (now) mild OCD too and have had it since age 16, I know about OCD. Its not easy, don' tell me I don't know what thats lke.
and it was my BROTHERS visiting mother in law NOT my sisters mother in law!!!!!! Im only going by what my sister said I wasn't there, seriously read the question..
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2014):
 You Sister's MIL isn't controlling because she yells "I'm coming, I'm coming" She was being passive aggressive. She could just have got up and went to the table, but she HAD to throw her 2 cents in.. My guess is your Sister doesn't like her MIL and the MIL likes to goad her. If she had said, I'll be there when I'm good and ready and you can all wait for me (and keep the food warm) then.. yea, I would call her controlling.
However, how do you know if a person is controlling?. I think it's actually can be hard to spot. I have OCD, which means I like things done a certain way. I "like" (or need rather) my "rituals". My mom was the same way. Cans were ALPHABETIZER and stacked in a certain way just to mention a thing. While I don't really worry about alphabetizing my canned good, I NEED certain things to be a certain way or I feel out of control. So you might not know me but if you looked at some of my behavior you "could" think I was controlling. The thing is I like to control MY environment, NOT that of everyone else.
I think a person who is controlling of others, starts out slow. They will hint at not liking your hair up (just an example where it a controlling male person females can be JUST as controlling) or see their daughters in pants. It's usually little things at first. Then if they GET AWAY with it, it will escalate. You can't put your hair up, you can't cut it, it should be dyed red, you can't wear lipstick because it will make people look at your mouth.. ect. A controlling person wants to control OTHERS, not just the environment. And they do it not for you, but for the power they gain.
EVERYONE wants to feel in control of their own life. Doesn't mean they are control FREAKS.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 January 2014):
 Just from the one example you give us, I would not say that lady is controlling. Maybe blint, perhaps even rude, but why controlling ?. There's always two sides to every story, maybe she would have liked better ( and it would have been better ) that your sister , rather than calling out to everybody like in summer camp or kindergarten, would have gone to her, as a guest, and said : dinner is ready, if you want to join us, or something like that: maybe your sister's call was, or felt ,a bit too pressing and urgent, maybe it caught the lady while she was in the middle of finishing something or having an important converstaion, - or maybe the lady was just not in a sunny mood that day. But from " I'm coming I'm coming " to controlling, IMO is quite a stretch. I admit , though, that I am not sure I understand your question properly : because if a person is normally meek and nice, and has HIDDEN controlling tendencies, and hides them so well that these tendencies never or rarely come out, and don't normally interfere with social interaction, well, then it 's not a problem, right ?, not something we need to be able detecting in advance. And also, in general , people are not either black or white, either a doormat or a control freak.One can be a normally meek , compliant and easygoing type who ,though, in certain situations and under certain triggers, dispalys assertiveness and determination.
It does not mean that they are secret control freaks, just that somehow their limits have been tested and their individual triggers pushed.
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