A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:We are both virgins, happy relationship, ready to have sex. Care about each other a lot, he's lovely. Everything else - oral, manual, foreplay - is great. But when we go to have sex, he cums immediately. Like, within a split second of going to enter. The first one or two times I put it down to nerves/performance pressure etc - but it keeps on happening... I've never made a big deal out of it, just told him don't worry and we go and do other stuff, and he never seems upset or embarrassed or apologetic. But, to be very honest, I'm getting a little.. impatient. Which I know is mean. I don't reallyyyy want to have a big conversation about it because it'll just make him feel embarrassed and inadequate. But do you have any tips? We aren't going to get any where like that ha.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys, Thank you so much for the responses and advice, much appreciated :) I tried the tip a couple of you mentioned about the second erection being easier, as you won't come so fast - and unfortunately all that happened is he wasn't really quite hard enough, and sort of slipped out then lost his erection. I know I've done the physical side of losing virginity in terms of hymen because of pain/breaking through the first or second failed try with him, and now entering is easy/painless .... so um I've sort of done the discomfort part without any satisfaction or experience at all. Seems a waste or something. I don't know. I know it sounds cliched (and whiney), but I've honestly said no to sex with different boyfriends in the past and waited and had my values and been pretty old-fashioned, and now I've finally decided to go for it... and it's as unsuccessful, frustrating and unromantic as this... I'm just disappointed. :( I hope I don't sound harsh on him, I don't mean to. Not sure where to go from here, really. Maybe we should leave it a bit, seems silly to keep trying for the sake of it. Any advice or opinions are more than welcome, haha. Ta. x
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (10 January 2014):
 I'm surprised that none of the Aunts or Uncles has suggested that he masturbate a couple of hours before you and he are - or will - share intimacies. Seems that that orgasm can have the effect of slightly de-sensitizing the penis, and can allow your B/F (and YOU!) to enjoy penetration for a longer time before he ejaculates (completes orgasm).... Try it....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2014): This used to be the case with my ex as well... I thought it was PE but it wasn't really, he only wanted to have sex to finish... So as soon as he saw the finish line, which was penetration, he just came.
The solution we came up with was to adjust the way we looked at sex, he saw it as the end of sex, where as I saw it as the middle... So I encouraged him to cum early on and then relax a bit and then would have another go and he'd last longer and we could have sex. I DID speak to him about it, but not like 'you aren't very good, you must improve' ... I just asked if we could have another go after he'd cum because I enjoyed it so much. He didn't seem to mind.
Hope it all works out! x
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 January 2014):
 Bummer. If it KEEPS happening, you can't just chalk it up to nerves or performance anxiety or inexperience or overeagerness, or at least maye it is but he won't overcome it just by taking a wait and see attitude.. It sounds more like a case of PE ( premature ejaculation ). You will need to talk about it, because you will need to advise him to see a doctor, who's the one who can devise the best game plan to treat / overcome this problem.
So far it has been treated mostly by cognitive - comportamental therapy, teaching people to retrain themselves and adopt a different sexual response, and not that it does not work, because in most cases the problem has a psychological root . BUT, then they have discovereed that for some people there is a biochemical problem, due to low level of serotonine, which is a neurotransmitter which among other things also has teh function to control / retard the ejaculation reflex. If this is the case , the condition will respond to specific medications.
Don't tiptoe too much around the issue in fear of making him feel inadequate. It's not a matter of being inadequate, it's a matter of functioning propely. If he had a bad overbite and could not chew his food, he would not feel inadequate, he would feel pissed that he can't enjoy his steak and would run to an orthodontist to seek help. Why should it be any different just because the problem is below the belt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2014): Some guys are like that. He needs to get help somewhere in a future if it keeps happening,mbecause he will make upset many women.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (10 January 2014):
 At his age he should be good to go again quite quickly. And he will last longer the second time (and longer still the third).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2014): Maybe give it a bit more time to see if the novelty wears off and he can learn to control it?
I don't know what else to suggest. Sorry.
But good luck anyway.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 January 2014):
I doubt a conversation will do any good. This is probably one of those things that's a deal breaker for many people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2014): i think he suffers from premature ejaculation.
http://ezinearticles.com/?Premature-Ejaculation-Treatment---What-is-the-Best-Method?&id=2675536
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