A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I haven't heard from my boyfriend, of 3 years, since the 9th (8 days). No text, call, message, absolutely nothing. The last time I heard from him he told me he loved me and I'm pretty sure his phone ran out of time the next day which makes it a little harder for him to contact me but he always found a way after a day or 2. This time, there's just... nothing. We've never went this long without talking.We'd been having some issues lately where we were fighting quite a bit. We were bickering over really stupid things and kind of annoying one another. We still saw each other but it wasn't as much as it used to be, and we didn't talk as much as we did before fighting but we still claimed we wanted to be together and loved each other very much. Things had just changed and we were having a hard time getting back on track to where we once were.I don't know if he's actually left me or just taking a breather away from me so we both can clear our heads and maybe not fight if we *do* reconnect. Kind of like starting all over, maybe. There's been times where we'd get into a fight and he'd go a few days or so with no contact but never this long, and we weren't fighting the last day I heard from him. I haven't made any attempt to contact him, either. I could easily send him a message on facebook but I haven't because I think he was wanting a breather. The last day we spoke everything was fine so I don't know. It doesn't look like he's been on facebook recently, as nothing's updated, he's still got me as a friend, so I don't know if something's happened or if he's just left me. I was kind of pestering him a bit before this happened so I definitely am not making contact. I'm leaving things as they are so he can have his space, breathe, and get his thoughts together.Is this something men do? Do the hide away when things get hard? Will he come around after he's had time to get his thoughts in order? Any idea what may be going through his mind? Oh, if you're going to tell me he left me, please do it as nicely as possible because I really love this dude and don't want to break up with him so please be as positive as you can.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 January 2014):
 I understand loving him so not wanting to hear anything negative. Unfortunately, I don't see this turning out well.
I think he wanted out and disappearing off the face of the earth was the easiest way for him to do this rather than admitting it and actually telling you.
Unfortunately, I think it's over. Try to spend as much time with family and friends as possible and build a support network. Then block him from fb and phone, etc.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (19 January 2014):
 I'll be as positive as I can but you're still not going to like what I have to say.
If this were a normal, healthy relationship I'd say call him just to make sure he's ok (though if he weren't you'd have heard about it long before now).
In this case, I think you should put a period here and move on. This relationship has way too much baggage and an unexplained 8 day gap in communication only breeds ill will.
OP, don't wait until you hate each other to call it a day. Muster up whatever dignity you have left and walk away gracefully.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 January 2014):
 Why are you sitting on your hand WAITING for him to contact you?
Have you TRIED to call him?
Does he live alone? Does he work? If the answer is yes, he works, don't you have his work number? I'm not saying you should call and have LONG talks but call and say hi, just wanted to know you were OK.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 January 2014):
 OP, I am tryng to be nice, but I am confused. Isn't this the same boyfrend you posted about recently, the one who was not making any effort in the relationship, and was stingy with texts and calls after a past of blowing up your phone ? Didn't you say that you have tried talking to him but there's nothing to do, he's not receptive ? Didn't you say ,more or less, that he had left you to row the relationship boat all by yourself , ( due to alleged boredom and various personal problems ? )
And had you not decided that you were sick and tired of this, and dumped him , deciding to go NC ?
I mean, he is not contacting you, but you are not contacting him either because YOU decided it's OVER.
How over is it going to be if you go chasing after him ?...
Ok, people change their mind, fair enough. So, let's say that ideally you'd want to continue this relationship even if it's sort of wobbling. And let's say he is taking a breather. Now, either you think his need for a breather is legitimate and acceptable- and you LET him take a breather . If you start hounding him, what breather is it ?
Or, you decide that you don't want a bf who needs 8 days long ( or more ) breathers and consider this thing over.
In other words - either you believe that this breather is needed, helpful and necessary to rebuild your relationship, and let him come back to you when he's good and ready.
Or, you decide that he is just jerking you around emotionally and being selfish and heartless- and you send him packing. Unilaterally. You don't need his permission or agreement.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (18 January 2014):
 How had you been pestering him?
Does he live a long distance from you?
Do you know any of his family or friends who may be able to tell you if something happened to him?
How often do you usually see him?
Has he gone AWOL before?
(I feel like a detective)
If you get feedback that he is fine and purposely not contacting you, I'd give him a little more space before you make contact.
Is it 3 years or good solid relationship or three years of on and off? (more questions)
If you have been bickering lately, maybe this is his silent protest so he can work out if he wants to continue.
First check he's alive and well.
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A
female
reader, desiree075 +, writes (18 January 2014):
If there's no activity on his Facebook, and if he isn't the type to randomly drop contact, I would be worried. I would call him just to see if he's alive, or send him a quick message, and if those things don't get response go to his house. And if it looks like his stuff hasn't been touched for a while I would call his family and then the police. If all this seems too much to you, you could start with an email with reassuring him that you are not asking to meet him, but just making sure he's alright, and that if he needs a break from you all he needs to do is say the word.
If he is indeed okay and he's just been ignoring, that is indecent behaviour. As pinktopaz said, whether it's 3 days or 3 years, he owes you an explaination.
goodluck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2014): Umm after 8 days maybe you should pick up the phone to find out how he is, whether he is ok and not got sick or anything.
For all we know he could be feeling like he's the only one who ever tries and is the one who always makes the plans and gets in touch and he might be seeing if you will? He could have become ill and might have been resting? He could have been injured and needed to rest?
You've been together 3 years and it says you're in your 30's. You're both old enough to know better. Pick up the phone and check he's ok; ask him how he is, that you've been worried and try from there.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (18 January 2014):
I know you want something positive, but any time a guy has done this...boyfriend included, it was because he was too cowardly to actually break up with me.
However, after 3-years, he owes you an explanation whether it's over or he needs a breather. He should have the respect to at least tell you he needs a breather so you don't worry.
Then again, you haven't tried either. If you want to know, just try contacting him.
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