A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Okay so here goes ..I was in a relationship with a guy I met online for about 1.5 years which was very rocky to say the least. In those 1.5 years he broke up with several times because of his religious issues (he's a Muslim you see and I'm a Hindu by birth). Everytime I tried to push him and made him stay, but after some months the same would happen all over again. This last time he said that he cannot have a physical relation with me since his religion doesn't allow it before marriage and that we should wait till marriage in order to be together and I just couldn't take it. I told him that fine if that is what it is then according to your religion you shouldn't even be in a relationship with me so he was like he I shouldn't and maybe we should just wait till the appropriate i.e the time we attain the age to get married (He's 26 and I'm 21 btw). One thing led to another and there was a HUGE fight and we didn't talk to each other for a month (He was supposed to come to my town for my birthday, but he didn't). Then one month later he wished me on my birthday and said that he wanted to talk to me. In the meanwhile, I starting hanging out with another friend of mine and some days later he asked me out and even I said yes. We've been in a relationship now for more than 5 months 15 days now. And when my ex said on my birthday that he wants us to move on I said I already did.My current guy is everything I ever dreamt of but we do have our share of fights and everytime we fight my mind races back to my ex and I start thinking about him and this really upsets me cuz I don't wanna think about him anymore. I wish I could just take that part of my brain which has his memories stored and just throw it away. I wish I could just erase his existence from my life. At times I find myself comparing my current guy with my ex as in how my ex used to behave and why doesn't my current guy behave like that. I know I shouldn't be doing this and its wrong but I do and I don't know why.Please help
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 January 2014):
 Wait a minute, your ex said you should wait till marriage ?.. What marriage ??
Under the Hindu Marriage Act you can't marry a Muslim. And a Muslim can't marry you because he can only marry another Muslim, or at most " people from the book " : a Christian or a Jew. Not a "pagan " as you'd be for him.
Of course if you both were atheists/agnostics, and did not care a whit about all the social and family complications, you could get legally married under Civil Marriage Act ( as maybe 1%-2% of people do ). BUT, if he is enough of a Muslim to not want to have illicit premarital sex, then he is surely enough of a Muslim to not consider a non- religious marriage that would be a shame and a disgrace for all his family and community.
What has this got to do with your current predicament ? A lot, actually. In the sense that you are idolizing and romanticizing a shameless liar and coward that was just giving you the runaround and never seriously meant to marry you. Good thing that you got impatient, and ditched him. Now don't go thinking that you have missed out on a great guy, because no you did not.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2014): You figure it out!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat do you think I should do now ??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2014): You left your ex and went right into another relationship.
The issues and conflicts between you and your ex are still pretty fresh in your memory. You never gave your mind the time to purge all the bad memories; and deal with the emotions caused by the separation from your former partner.
You didn't want to be alone and single between relationships; which is necessary, if you want full recovery from a breakup. The mind needs times to detach, detox, and heal from your old relationship. You never gave it a chance. You can't delete thoughts like a computer.
You might also consider the fact you are still over-sensitive due to large blow-outs and arguments you used to have;and you are still technically fighting with your ex when, you experience confrontation with your current boyfriend. You have unresolved issues that you never had the chance to get off your chest; so you are somewhat holding on to the anger.
You are doomed to repeat your past mistakes, and breakup another relationship; because you found a boyfriend on the rebound. You're taking out your pent up frustrations on him, and he will not tolerate your temperamental attitude for very long.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (10 January 2014):
 Your mind goes back to your ex because you are repeating the same mistake. If you did not like the fights online, what makes you think real life fights are any better?I could tell you to leave the new guy and find someone who is not like that, but I have a feeling you would still stay because you do not want to be alone.When I see trouble coming, I get away from it as soon as I can. Some people believe that they can change the trouble into a good thing. They normally find out the hard way that they can't.
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