A
male
age
41-50,
*azzlover
writes:I know it was deceitful but I created a fake ad on craigslist to see if my girlfriend would answer and she did. I did this once before and she answered and this was the second time. I replied back and pretended to this other guy and she flirted and told her I was just wanting no strings sex and she even agreed to possibly send naked pics to what she thinks is a total stranger. If I confront her on this she will just say I am being creepy and possessive..what should I do? She tells me she loves me with all her heart. I am confused!!
View related questions:
flirt, nude pictures Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 January 2014):
 And of what opinion are YOU ?
Do you think too that an engaged girl can do whatever she wants and is entitled to hit on strangers and send them her naked pics ? Are you perfectly OK with that ? Do you believe that it's not real cheating until she actually has intercourse ?... what about cybersex, how would you feel about that ?... She says she is too busy to cheat, but cybersex does not take a lot of time, she does not have to date and go for drinks or even go out of her home at all. If she wants to help some of her internet admirers to have a nice cyberwank, all it takes is 5 minutes from the comfort and privacy of her room, - do you think too this is one of the privileges of an unmarried girl ?...
I don't see why only her opinion has to count. It' s two of you. And , unless you have some fetish that makes you enjoy being cuckholded , I really struggle to believe that YOUR opinion is that this is just the legitimate expression of a lively, independent personality...
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 January 2014):
 YOUR insecurities are NOT what caused her to cheat.
If you stay with her she will continue to lie and cheat and you will continue to be distrustful and insecure.
WHEN you do finally leave her, it will make it harder for you to trust a woman who DESERVES your trust.
STOP making excuses for her. IF you want to stay with a lying cheating woman you do not trust, that's YOUR choice and we can only advise you what we think is best for you.
I get it. I stay with a man who every single one of my girlfriends would have left a long time ago. We can't begin to understand another person's choices or motivations only give advice based on our experiences.
My advice... you should leave her... you deserve better than a lying cheating girlfriend.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 January 2014):
 For some reason, this post reminds of what I went through when I learned my dog was too ill to save. I was convinced that the condition he had was manageable and that he would last for a while.
It wasn't until I was face to face with the veterinarian and she told me that I needed to consider euthanasia for him. "Him? Now? Not possible!" I thought. As she looked at me with so much compassion, yet solid in the knowledge that he could not be saved, it finally struck me.
It was time. The patient could not be saved. He would not live long and he would suffer while he did if I didn't grasp this concept. I HAD to get my mind around this. It was wrenching and unhappy and an awful day.
It was so plain, in retrospect. He was in full-blown liver failure; hell, I'd seen the scan pictures just a few days before. All the meds and special foods and wishful thinking in the world would not save his life. His liver was blown. I could have prolonged things for a while, checking him into their ICU, having him put on IVs and meds and trying chemo (assuming it was cancer) or poking more holes in him to do a better diagnosis. But all that would do would be to make his life miserable for the last days of his life.
Your relationship is on its last legs. It is diseased and the end is just a matter of time.
You need to wrap your head around this concept, or you will suffer for a while longer. You can live in denial for a while but the patient eventually will succumb. You cannot save it, not with this woman as your partner. She is not well and she is not on your side. Sorry.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (15 January 2014):
 You're coming up with every excuse and justification available to overlook her actions. Bottom line - she DID cheat. Who cares if it was physical or not? Messaging other men on craigslist IS cheating. So she's proven that yes, she does have time for cheating.
Is that the kind of relationship you want? One with a woman who messages men online and exchanges dirty pics with them? That's NOT a committed relationship. You are in denial of the truth.
You are coming up with so many reasons to justify her bad behavior. the truth is she's a cheater. And she's proven it twice now. It's time to put on your big boy pants and start embracing reality. She's right; she's NOT a good gf. Because good gf's don't cheat on their boyfriends.
DUMP HER.
...............................
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (15 January 2014):
 No matter how insecure you may be, that STILL doesn't excuse her actions.
This isn't her accidentally getting closer than she should to a male friend of hers. This isn't her getting drunk at a party and making a one-night mistake. This is her ACTIVELY LOOKING for strangers to have sex with behind your back.
Some cases of "cheating" leave room for interpretation, but this in my opinion is not one of them. Please don't try to convince yourself you somehow earned or deserve what she is doing.
...............................
A
male
reader, jazzlover +, writes (15 January 2014):
jazzlover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do feel guilty for not trusting. I probably have trust issues. she says she trusts me and its not as if she's trying to trap me or anything. am I wrong for what I did? and I am really concerned should I carry on the conversation and she how far she will flirt or txt and perhaps set up a meeting as this other guy and she if she goes for it? I think she has the opinion that until she is married she is single to do what she wants.
...............................
A
male
reader, jazzlover +, writes (15 January 2014):
jazzlover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't doubt that some of this is my own insecurities. she has always been very open and frank about her past and sometimes I get worried cuz I think if she was this way before then why not now. but she also says that she doesn't cheat. and honestly in my gut I don't truly believe that she has actually physically cheated on me by having sex with someone else. but these responses to craigslist worry me. she is a full time nursing student and works 32 hours every weekend and shes says when would I have time to cheat and I even make time to see you when I am so overwhelmed with school. the times I have caught her on craigslist have been when she has been on break from school. So I don't know how serious she is when she responded to these ads.
...............................
A
male
reader, jazzlover +, writes (15 January 2014):
jazzlover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionp.s. would it do any good to give her time to decide if she's really serious about me and a relationship with me and let her clean her act up and let her get back with me when she feels she is ready for commitment? she always tells me that she is sorry for being a bad girlfriend cuz she isn't used to being affectionate and kissing because all the guys shes been with have not been that way with her..but she says she wants to be a better girlfriend. I do know that I don't always communicate to her how I feel and talk to her about my feelings enough and she complains about this.
...............................
A
male
reader, jazzlover +, writes (15 January 2014):
jazzlover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthis is tough for me cause we have been together for 15 months I have met the parents and they really like me..her mom loves me lol. we have talked about marriage and children. she says she wants my baby and loves me and only me. she has a rough past and has not been treated well and said shes been cheated on by everyguy and has even been raped twice. she says I am the best man she has ever dated and loves me and maybe she does but shes just messed up. I know she has a wild sexual past but I have been wild too. but I am ready to settle and be devoted to her. she told me shes very independent and used to doing what she wants. she figures if men have treated me badly then I am gonna put me first. I can understand but she shouldn't treat me this way since I am good to her. I am willing to put the past behind but maybe that's impossible. Im not a psychiatrist so I cant fix a broken woman. ive tried to be the best boyfriend I can be. I do feel guilty for trapping her..we've had many conversations about that we are in a committed relationship..she's mine and I'm yours.. and I just got her a very nice diamond ring for her for Christmas and although its not an engagement ring I told her and she agreed and liked the idea that it ment deeper commitment and that she is at least somewhat "taken". but she has told me she feels imprisoned so maybe commitment is not for her at this time.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2014): thanks everyone. this is really hard for me..we've been together for 15 months. I've met the parents and they love me and me and her have talked about marriage and children. she has a past as so do I. she has not been treated well by any man and has even been raped before. she says every guy she's been with has cheated on her. she says I am the best man she has had..which I honestly believe. she's been wild sexually before me and I was wild too in the past.. but I am ready to settle down and be devoted to one girl. she told me shes very independent and used to doing what she wants. I am willing to put the past behind but maybe that's impossible. Im not a psychiatrist so I cant fix a broken woman. ive tried to be the best boyfriend I can be. I do feel guilty for trapping her..we've had many conversations about that we are in a committed relationship..she's mine and I'm yours.. and I just got her a very nice diamond ring for Christmas and although its not an engagement ring I told her and she agreed and like the idea that it ment deeper commitment and that she is at least somewhat "taken". but she has told me she feels imprisoned so maybe commitment is not for her at this time.
...............................
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (15 January 2014):
Agreed with the others... I don't think you have anything to confront her about as you already KNOW what she is up to.
But I'd definitely cite that as the reason for your breakup when you dump her so she doesn't go on thinking she "got away" with infidelity, that you never knew about it, and that maybe she has a chance of getting back together with you. Otherwise she may try!
Good luck and best wishes :)
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 January 2014):
What would confronting her do?
are you planning on staying with her? do you want to be with a woman you don't trust?
I don't see the need to confront her. it will not change that she's a liar and a cheater.... it will only make things worse.
personally if you want to let her know WHY you are breaking up with her (as you should) then yeah print it out and hand it to her as your parting shot...
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (15 January 2014):
 Do that if you must, but again, I don't see the point of confrontation if you know she's a cheat and a liar whom you don't want in your life. Remember, liars have a way with words and can manipulate situations and somehow make YOU look like the bad guy, even though you are in no way wrong.
If I were you, there would be no unnecessary messy confrontational drama. Just ask her to pack her stuff and move out.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 January 2014):
 You don't need to show her proof, you ALREADY SAW IT. Just end it.
Or are you going to waste more time on her? Post more adds to "catch" her with? You ALREADY know she is up for cheating, who knows what other CL adds she has ACTUALLY answered and met up with.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2014): You set up the honeypot trap and it worked. You now know her true colors. You know what you need to do as has been told by the other aunties here. Dump her and find yourself a loyal and devoted girlfriend. There are good girls out there. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (15 January 2014):
You have irrefutable and undeniable proof your gf is a liar and a cheater. If you confront her, she will most likely pretend she knew it was you all along and then turn it around on you for being insecure. Gotta love cheaters.
Son what do you do with this evidence? You take it, you process it, and you embrace it, then dump her. don't even give her a chance to rationalize or turn the tables. Don't even explain what happened necessarily, because as I said, she will mind f*ck you and make you feel as though you're to blame. so don't even go there with her or give her that opportunity. Because that's what will happen. and you already know in your heart she's a cheater.
I hope you leave this woman.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (15 January 2014):
 This is the end of the relationship, the question is when are you willing to accept its over. Also if you confront her will say she you it was you and was just teasing. Time to pack your bags or forever be questioning the love and loyalty of this woman.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (15 January 2014):
If you have had the idea to create a fake profile to catch your gf red handed, it must mean that you had yours suspicions about her devotion... that she was doing or saying something which rang alarm bells... I don't think that anybody could be so paranoid to spy on a blameless gf just because. It must mean that her declarations of whole hearted love did not sound quite believable to you.
Now , you've got your suspicions confirmed, TWICE, - you have your evidence , and you know that your gf is a girl who has a roving eye, and an inclination to send her nude pics to strangers.
So what are you confused about ?
Either you belong to the school of thought that , as long as there isn't actual intercourse, it's all innocent fun, just a hobby like any other hobby.... or, if you don't belong to that school of thought, there's nothing to be confused. She is a liar and a cheater, and she may SAY all she wants, but what she DOES tells all another story.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (15 January 2014):
 I agree with the other aunts. She is a cheat and not that into you and you are suspicious and I'd consider what you did a bit creepy (once..no...twice...creepy)
There is no trust, she will always lie and you will always doubt her...so there is no relationship worth saving.
Dump her and het some therapy because I think, whoever you date, you will find it hard not to snoop and set traps.
Not all women cheat, the same as not all men cheat...you just arn't compatible with this one.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 January 2014):
 I also fail to see what is confusing here ....... no confusion for me, you caught your girlfriend acting in a very unsavoury way .......... FOR THE SECOND TIME!
So what now then, will you just let this fade away until you create your THIRD fake craigslist account, or will you take action.
Her response that she loves you with all her heart does not ring true, would somebody who loves you be answering ads for no strings sex with total strangers and offering nude pictures. Somehow I dont thing so!
...............................
A
male
reader, jazzlover +, writes (15 January 2014):
jazzlover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso do I print out the emails as proof and confront her?
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (15 January 2014):
You're confused??!! What's to be confused about? She's a liar, a cheater and has no qualms about sending naked pics to a stranger which means she has no morals whatsoever or no boundaries. Do you really want such a person in your life? My guess is a "no", so what you should do is, tell her that you've caught her red handed and that she has no defense. She cant possibly get out of this one.
...............................
|
