A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I was talking to this girl for a month (we liked each other) and then she said she just wanted to be friends. One month later she sent me a text saying "hey :)" and I replied "sup" and got off without giving her a chance to reply. (I haven't spoken a word to her since the "breakup"). Then a couple of weeks later I deleted this old compliment I posted on one of her facebook photos back when we were "talking" and a few days later she posted a status on facebook saying "Yeah, I'd delete that too ;) (sarcasm)" What did she mean by that status?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@CindyCares- You pretty much hit the nail on the head. When we were talking on the phone our conversations seemed to flow pretty well and she seemed to really like me. However, when we met in person, because of my extreme shyness, I had no idea what to say so I just kissed her and she liked it and kissed me back and we started making out. It's weird though because when I feel uncomfortable in person it seems like she (and other girls) can sense it right off the bat and in turn makes them feel weird. I'm guessing that after that first day at her house she probably wanted to give me a chance, but when I switched to her school it sealed the deal for her and she decided it wasn't going to work out.
It would have eventually failed though because you HAVE to be able to communicate with your girl and have fun together. I just need to get more confidence in myself because I act this way around almost everybody. I think if it weren't for that, I honestly think girls would love me.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 January 2014):
 Oh good- you are a quick study :), you got it exactly.
The girl who said " he got played "- well, that's her opinion, her personal interpretation of the facts, it does not mean that actually things went that way , and your crush actually set out coldbloodedly to play you for the heck of it. First relationships can be messy and often things get a bit jumbled, and it's like rehearsals before a show, it's pretty close but not the actual show yet, everybody is allowed and expected to make mistakes.
But, even supposing you HAD been actually played. So what . Everybody gets played sooner or later. Relationships are like that, there's always a component of sticking your neck out, when more when less but there is. You stick you neck out and at times, zap !- you get beheaded :). It's part of the game and you've got to be a
good sport about it. Or, if you never want to risk anything, rejection abandonment ridicule and whatnot, then be a monk, stay in your cell meditating, and forget about girls.
As a matter of fact , I think I may know what all the brouhaha was about. You say you are very shy around girls, don't know well what to do what to say etc. Ok, fine- you are not the only one. And then .... the first time you are alone with one ( girl)... all nice and shy, and what happens ? That you go straight for the Bermuda Triangle. Straight for the kill. I bet she was weirded out, I'd be too and I am surely way more expert than her. But must have been like asking out Mr. Hyde and having Dr. Jekill show up ( or viceversa , I never remember which one is the good one ). Come on, even if she was not scared or upset or anything, don't you realize what a clumsy and heavy handed and goofy move it was ? Mr. Shy Guy , tongue tied and meek in public- and he turns into a human octopus at the first date ?...Eh yes, overeagerness gets you minus points some times.
Why don't you continue ( because I assume that you have started already ) to make FRIENDS, just friends with girls, and hung around them and flirt a bit with no romantic or sexual intents, until you feel more confortable , relaxed, at ease with women ?... So that you don't feel compelled to go from quasi-mutism to fingering, with nothing in between ?...
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@CindyCares- That's an interesting story haha I get your point though. I think you could be right because I have that same exact tendency to assume the worst and a lot of the times there is a different story behind it and it leaves me totally shocked.I remember one of her(the girl I liked) friends made a comment back then that same year I liked her that really bugged me. I was talking to one of my guy friends and he was teasing me about how shy I am around girls, and her friend made a smart ass comment under her breath saying "Well he got played by one...." At the time as you could imagine that really messed with my OCD and I couldn't get the possibility of that happening to ME out of my head. I now realize that just because her friend said that it doesn't mean it's true, and even if it is oh well who cares that was a long time ago and since then I have seen girls that make me instantly forget about her anyway.Her friend is the type that likes to stir up drama anyway.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (15 January 2014):
Glad to hear that you are fine, and have moved on almost definitely. But I still would not advise you, as a passtime for when you are bored, to indulge in recalls of an unpleasant past episode, and brood over it , dissecting all the hows and whys thing did not go too well. It is pointless because you cannot change the past, and it brings you further from your goal ,that should be to stretch the two weeks period of not missing the girl to one month periods and more , till naturally you will not even have to think if you still like her a bit or not , or viceversa- because you'll just FORGET to think about her.
The pride thing... the comments you suspect she may be making about you.. well, in the greater scheme of things is no big deal anyway, but I am pretty sure it's all in your head. Maybe you don't think too wonderfully of yourself - you are the one who is giving a negative evaluation about yourself- so you assume that other people will share this negative evaluation.
It's not the same thing but..... when I started 9th grade I made fast friends with a female classmate. We would hung out in front of the school after classes, we would help each other with homework etc. In December she has her 14th birthday party- and I don't get an invitation. I am upset, I am crushed, I am humiliated. Because the reason I gave myself for this snub was that I did not look right for her party. You see, I was one year younger than the other students, I had just turned 13, and there may be a big difference between 13 and 14, at least there was in my old times :).
The other young girls were young girls, I looked more of a child still. My mother did not let me wear make up yet or dye my hair or ride a motobyke ( all things I had to wait the ripe age of 14/15 for : ) , I was not as sophisticared yet as my peroxyde blonde, miniskirt wearing classmates. So, what I thought was : Oh so I am good enough for joking and gossiping about the teachers and stuff... but I am not good enough to fit in with her "glamorous " party and do cool stuff like dancing with boys and try smoking cigarettes on the sly. I am Cinderella, no wonder that she is ashamed to have me at the palace ball.
It stung, it really stung.
But, luckily I got over it , not being a type to brood TOO much about things, I " forgave " the party girl, and we continued to be friends ( we still are nowadays, btw ! ) Years later, reminiscing about school , I confessed how bad I had felt at the time and how I had hated her for not inviting me . She was sincerely amazed :
the reason of my exclusion was simpler. Her parents had restricted the guest list to a certain number, 6 boys and 6 girls I think . So she had invited the 5 girls that already were her friends since middle and elementary school, and not the new "friends " of just two or three months : I AND a few other girls too. But since I was the one who had problems with my level of coolness, I had decided that other people MUST have problems too.
My point is, maybe you think that she has taken advantage of you or used you or made fun of you .... because you see yourself as a type who's bound to be easily taken advantage of, made fun of etc.etc.
What if , instead, things were just simpler ? Like, young girl is moving her first steps in the dating arena, is not that sure what she wants yet, is sort of tryng feelings and relationships on for size ( as anybody her age does, basically ), so she thinks she into you at first, then for some reason, or for no reason at all, she finds she is not that into you. What's so strange about it ? it happens all the time, and,give it time, it probably will happen to you in the role of the fickle one, instead. STherefore, no need to take this relationship mishap so seriously and so personally.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@CindyCares- I'm actually perfectly fine with how it turned out now. I have completely forgotten about her for about a year and a half now and have found girls way more attractive than her. Back then when I wasn't over her there was no way in hell I would have been able to think about other girls.
To be honest I was bored and I just wanted to see what people thought of this situation now that I have a clear mind about it. I will admit that sometimes I'll miss her a little bit than they quickly go away and I forget about her for a couple of weeks.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (14 January 2014):
No OP, the huge issue is not your pride, it's your OCD.
The anon person is probably not aware that this is not recent histoty. All this went on quite a while ago- at least in terms of puppy love gone sour stories. It was well over one year ago, correct ?
You need to get unstuck, and if you can't do it by yourself, you need specialized help. Maybe you can at least talk to your famuly doctor, or the school counselor ?..
No she is not talking shit about you now. You know why ? because she does not care enough to make it such a baggage. She is probably not focusing her thought on you one tenth of what you are doing on her, and she is not making this awkward episode into the center of her emotional life, as you are doing.
She is out and about hving fun, making friends, flirting, dating , living her life and looking forward to the future, without clinging teeth and nails to one episode of her past. And so you should do too. Again, with help, if you can't push yourself to do it on your own.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ the anonymous person, yes my pride is a huge issue
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2014):
 She might be, but who cares - right?
Talking smack about you behind you back will ONLY make her look dumb.
Stop fretting about her and what she may or may not do, you can't control it and in the BIG picture it REALLY doesn't matter. Let her be the petty one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): It looks like you are playing games because you continue to drag this thing along. Do you want to end this? Do you want to get back with her? Do you want to continue playing this over in your head, see what went wrong, what this meant, who's the bad person? Good for you for not showing her you were still upset about the breakup, but I sense that you are very discontent or unsatisfied about what happened with this girl - and you are asking these questions to satisfy yourself, trying to get answers you want to hear.Last time you asked about whether this girl like you or not and speculated that she was manipulative. You got reasonable responses and the general message was to move on. This is the second (that I am aware of) time you posted a question pertaining to this girl who you refer or know as an "attention whore." Each question drew responses basically calling her attention seeking or something negative. She may as well be playing games, but it seems to me as though you are trying to validate something. Are you trying to convince yourself that this girl was not worth liking in the first place? Is your pride in the way, preventing you from simply dropping this girl from your life? It is always upsetting to get rejected or played, but this is not the way to go about - assuming what I said is your motivation.If I am way off base, well, ignore what I said and just take this advice: move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Honeypie- Sorry i forgot to add that i did infact block her a couple of weeks after she posted that status. She's probably talking all kinds of shit behind my back now
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2014):
You could have left the comment up, you WANTED her to see that you deleted it, SHE wanted to let you know that she DID notice and that she was a little offended that you deleted it.
Why not just un-friend and block her? then she can post whatever snarky shit she wants?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCan you please tell me how we're playing games? I don't understand that part
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-you-think-this-girl-actually-liked-me.htmlShe's playing games. You're playing games. I'm not sure about the timeline of these messages, but why are you still pondering over these things? You say you're striving for no contact. Good. Next step is to stop thinking about the girl. Block her since she seems to be messaging you. End of story.There's no more "So could i get her to like me again?" right? You're trying to get over her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@youwish- you act like we have been talking alot. She sent me one message and i shot it down with "sup"! No contact is exactly what i was going for and that was the only time we have talked since the "lets be friend s"
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 January 2014):
 You said: "Also another question. Can a girl tell that you're upset over a break up?"
Yes, they can. You deleting her post showed her that you weren't over her, actually. Your "sup" showed her that you are still crying, blubbering, and writing songs in your head to her.
Your correct move would have been to go no contact and block/delete her from your Facebook. Why are you still talking to her, and don't give me the whole "I don't want it awkward at school". When you *have* to see her, be civil. But you're not *AT* school when you have to text and Facebook, so go NO CONTACT!
You're playing games, she's playing games, and no offense, but it's time to grow up and stop.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@llifton- Ok good. I thought that putting all those sad faces would give the impression that I'm torn over it.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 January 2014):
 No not at all. You made the comment that you were willing to do what it took to fix the problem and she said no. And you took it like a champ and dealt with it.
I'd say you've done a really good job of not letting her know you're having a hard time.
As you said, she's just an attention whore. who needs that. Keep it up!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): Are you the same person who posted a question about this girl who you had a sexual episode with, who said she was more comfortable being friends, and who dated a guy for three months? I believe your original question was whether that girl ever liked you. Why are you still involved with her? Stop contact with her. Do not answer her if she messages you. She is playing games and you are ignoring what others tell you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaha the funny thing is she is known for being quite an attention whore.Also another question. Can a girl tell that you're upset over a break up? I have been ignoring her ever since the "just be friends" and at the same time I've been hurting a lot. I'm trying really hard not to show it because I really don't wanna feed her ego. Unfortunately when she first initiated the break up it went a little something like this...Me: I noticed you haven't been texting as much latelyHer: I know :/Me: Did I do something wrong?Her: ....I just think we should be friends now. I'm sorry if I made you mad or sad.Me: Why? I'll do anything to make it work out :(Her: I know, but it's just awkward now, I'm really sorryMe: I'm really sorry :(Her: It's not all your fault, it's both of ours......Just don't be scared to talk to me, ok? (I'm guessing she didn't want things to be awkward since we went to a school that has like 40 kids total)Me: Alright, it's ok it is what it is.Her: Yeah I guessI knew it wasn't good because she always use to use tons of smileys in her text and it seemed like she was completely avoiding using them so it wouldn't seem lke she had any interest in me.Did it seem like I was begging her to stay in a pathetic way? Other than that, I have been completely straight faced in public around her. The first and last contact I had with her since then was when she messaged me and I replied with "sup"
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 January 2014):
She's being dramatic and passive aggressive, poking at you for deleting it. She's sarcastically insinuating that it was dumb for you to have done that.
Just ignore her. She's a passive aggressive attention whore.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2014):
Probably hurt her feeling that you aren't pining over her. Honestly I would just delete and block her.
She was being snarky, basically.
Just ignore it. She made the choice to "just" be friends. You have no obligation to do that.
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