A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, my boyfriend´s told me he applied for one work conference that´s held in New York and I really got mad at him. Why? Because my all-time dream is going to NYC and everytime I asked him if we´d go there, all he ever said was "hell no, USA sucks, I don´t want to go there" and he was never the travelling type while I am. The furthest he always wanted to go was to go camping to the lake in the neighbour country! So now when he told me he would propably go to NYC it was like betrayal to me. He ´s going to my biggest dream city while I don´t :/ I can´t go with him because he´s going like in a month and I didn´t have the time to save the money for that and he´s going with colleagues so i´d be like a fifth wheel..So I´m really mad at him and don´t really want to talk to him...Am I right or am I overreacting? I don´t think so..
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 January 2014):
 It's for WORK for goodness sake... even if it's a volunteer situation... it's for work not pleasure.
now if he plans to extend the trip and stay for pleasure then yes you are right to be pissed off.. but if it's
fly in work work work, fly home... trust me there is not much more than work work work and have a couple of drinks in the hotel going on... no travel, no broadway shows... no trips to wherever you want to trip to.
I want to go to Australia. It's on my bucket list.. my husband hates to travel. I go with friends. I'm going to Florida next weekend with a gf because if I don't travel with my friends I never go anywhere...
LIFE is to short to wait for stupid male partners to get their act together.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 January 2014):
 I think you are over reacting.
It's not that he wants to go to NY in vacation without you, he wants to go to a work conference which happens to be held in New York. Can't you see the difference ?
A few years ago, I was sent to a work convention / seminar thing in York. ( Not New York, York in England ).
I was not interested at all in seeing York ( wrongly so, it turns out- it's a really beautiful city ! ) and I would never have thought of saving money to go there on my own. But I wanted to join the seminar and I would have gone had it been in the middle of the Sahara desert.
Plus, the money angle. These things are generally sponsored, either fully paid for by the company, or at least you get discounts ,deals,facilitations. Where you are not interested in going if it has to cost you X money, may become worth a look if you can do it with a quarter of X.
If seeing New York is your dream, then make it happen ! Save up the money and go by yourself , or with a friend or relative. It will be less romantic than going with your bf... then again I really wonder how romantic it would be to drag all around NYC a grumpy boyfriend who hates travelling and hates the States:).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2014): This is so silly, I definitely think you are overreacting.He applied to a conference... I don't think he applied to it because it's in New York, and he probably would prefer it to be somewhere else since he doesn't like the states. But you know what? He doesn't get to choose where the conference is! So it's not like he deliberately sought out a trip to the place you've always wanted to go... really, WHAT SHOULD HE HAVE DONE? Do you really rather that he turned down this opportunity to attend this conference simply because you've always wanted to go?You're making it seem like he's planning a vacation/holiday to NYC... he's not. On the other hand... I think your jealousy is completely justified and if I were you I would feel just as sad/angry. It really isn't fair, you've always dreamed of going and he doesn't even like the place and now he gets to go... but you know, it's not HIS fault... it's more like life's fault.Tell him how it makes you feel... but don't blame him, he didn't create the location of the conference.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (17 January 2014):
I'll break the tie. You're not overreacting. He is expecting certain standards of you while he is allowed to apply to go. I think since he knew he would be going the least he could have done was plan another trip there with u because he cares enough for u to want u to experience that happiness. He is a jerk. I'd it's your deepest wish he should grant it. Next time do what you will without him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2014): You're not overreacting.
He applied to go to.
After he'd said no to going with you.
Maybe the conference is a big deal. If it is, he has to make it up to you and plan a holiday to Hong Kong or something.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 January 2014):
 I think you are over reacting too, he isn't going on holiday with friends, he is going on a CONFERENCE with CO-WORKERS.
Save up and take a trip wit ha friend to NYC if he doesn't want to, I can't see why you couldn't go without him at some point.
I understand that you are jealous, he gets to go somewhere you always wanted to go, but don't be petty.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 January 2014):
 I don't think you're over-reacting at all. Really, he knew that was your big dream, yet he always told you "no" to it. Then again, you should have just gone without him. But you don't want to travel alone, you're the type that wants to travel WITH your boyfriend. He, on the other hand, doesn't feel as connected to you as you do to him. Which I've seen so so many times. It's classic. The girl drops all of her dreams for the guy, hoping it'll show her dedication, committment and love. And what does the guy do? He screws her over and does what he wants whenever he wants anyway, regardless of her sacrifices.
STOP sacrificing things for him. NO MAN IS WORTH GIVING UP YOUR DREAMS FOR!!! If going to New York is what you wanted, and you wanted to do it with your boyfriend.. and he refused? You know what you should have done? Left him, because he isn't the man for you.
And now, on top of being the wrong man for you, he's also shown himself to be inconsiderate and selfish. He didn't discuss this trip with you, this is him going solo. He planned with his colleagues, but not with his girlfriend. That to me speaks volumes of his priorities.
He's not the man for you. You want a man who puts his girlfriend as his priority, just like you put him as your priority. This guy wont ever do that. EVER. Don't sit and hope he will someday start to care, he wont. He'll always fly solo, and always do what he wants, whenever he wants, regardless of any sacrifices you've made.
So ditch him. Plan a trip to New York for yourself, save up the money, and go without him. Take a friend if you don't want to go alone. Travel, do all the things you let him stop you from doing. Go do what YOU want to do for a change.
I'd be pissed off at him if my boyfriend did that to me, and then I'd promise myself to never let my life be dictated by a boyfriend again.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 January 2014):
 I think you're over reacting.
I can understand being disappointed, however there isn't anything stopping you from going with a friend or relative in the future. I know you'd prefer it to be with him but that doesn't mean it HAS to be with him.
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