A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay! I'd like some opinions on this please. I am a college student and I have a lot of female friends who are my age (17-18) who simply enjoy to have NSA sex, one night stands, and FWB's. I am not someone who is completely against the concept of NSA sex but tbh I don't really understand it and have some questions which i'd like some opinions on. These female friends of mine seem to just really like sex in general, and even though they have standards, one night stands and having flings with boys doesn't seem to phase them at all. I myself, prefer to not engage in things like that, I have had sex in a relationship and I have had NSA sex once, which I found meaningless and un-enjoyable. I also know other girls who seem to do the same thing, but a particular few of them, are nasty, aren't the prettiest apples in the tree and have a personality like a wet sponge, and when I hear that some girls who are like this have slept with up to 20 men, I am shocked, and all I can think is how on earth do they do it? Also it seems all of the girls who have had more sexual adventures receive lots of male attention, and I just wondered why? Is it because these girls having sex shows these boys they are more mature and woman like, or is it because the boys think they can easily get into a girls pants if they have had more sexual partners? Also does if a women sleeps around change or hinder there reputation and in particular change the views males have of them? (P.s I am not interested in doing any of this stuff it is just something I have asked myself many times)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2014): There is another group of people are generally just as embarrassed about their sex lives as promiscuous females - males who aren't very sexually active or virgins. Shaming goes both ways. Not being sexually active (especially involuntarily) gets a guy shamed. People don't always use the same harsh language as they do for "slut shaming" but the bad connontation still exists. Girls think "that guy would make somebody a great guy but he's not my type" just like a lot of guys react to promiscuous females. For a guy to even just want a girl with a less promiscuous history that is enough to cause trouble. It makes a lot of other girls think ill of a guy no matter how little he may have ever slept around. Many guys would be happy to elect to give up their own casual sex life and get a girl who did the same. But we basically don't get this choice. We get shamed about giving up our sex life and then we get shamed when we try to find the kind of partner we want. And if we give up our wishes and just try to get someone normal then we get crap for even feeling unhappy about it all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): To answer you question, yes, men pay more attention to women who sleep around for one reason only: they think it will be sex for them in a near future. I did my share of one night stands when I was very young, and like yourself, never had any pleasure from them and stoped. I don't believe that women do it only because they like sex so muchWe are not men, and never will be. Emotionally we are different and even more so physically. Act like men when it comes to sex is very stupid. Because we might act like a man in sex but we will never feel like a man and we will never get our pleasure from sex as men do. When I understood that all I do is get upset after one night stands and nothing else,mi stoped it immediately. I never ever had orgazm with a guy who I just met. Not a single guy put much effort into pleasing me. All of them were selfish and thought only about themselves. Why wouldn't they, they knew they will never see me again. There was no emotional satisfaction also. They would be chatty and pleasant before, and silent and indifferent after. I don't believe women do it only for sexual pleasures. I think most do it out of loneliness, low self esteem and desire for love. But this way to find love is very wrong.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 February 2014):
 Some boys will look at them differently, but so will girls. There is an OLD double-standard when it comes to girl's/women's sexuality and sexual partner and men's. I don't think it will go away any time soon.
As I see it, live and let live. If it doesn't suit YOU and your values/morals/lifestyle then simply DO NOT DO IT. Doesn't it mean you are somehow superior to those girls who are happy with whatever sex they can get? No. It just means you have different views on sex.
There are MANY reasons why young girls (and boy) become promiscuous, and it's rarely about being adventurous. For girls it's usually a need for affection and attention even if the affection is short lived and the attention is negative. For boys it's a way of "proving" their manliness or for admiration of their peers.
The simple answer is DO what is right for YOU.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 February 2014):
 And in the interests of full disclosure, I sadly report that I was one of the group who laughed and used the shameful nickname and I regret that to this day. I did stop once I understood just how mean it really was.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 February 2014):
"I just wanted to know if it changes peoples views of them." You then go on to give two examples which obviously answer your own question. :)
When I was about 13 or 14, there was a new girl in my school who had a troubled home life. I believe her parents were splitting up but I don't know the exact circumstances. She was so desperate for affirmation and attention that she took the attention the hornier and braver boys gave her as genuine and subsequently wound up with a 'reputation.' Her nickname was Loose and the pinball machines giving an extra ball became known as a Loose. She was ridiculed and ignored and snubbed and just basically mistreated in the worst way. The bullying and shaming and mockery she then experienced were so severe that the teachers in our classes had to talk to us one day, when she was out of school. It had gotten so out of hand, we needed to be dealt with, the student body, because we had wound up emotionally brutalizing a young girl whose only crime was that she wanted to be loved and accepted.
I don't know if the boys involved were ever individually counseled or not, but they certainly never experienced the brutality of teenage slut-shaming. 'Boys will be boys,' after all. It's natural, they just were following their hormonal urges. They didn't consider her as a person, she was just an object to be used and then mocked.
They are the ones who should be judged, to me.
It was a real eye opener for me, and I never looked at slut-shaming in the same way. The hypocrisy of the boys and the pure mean-spirited bullying that ensued from a young girl's confusion and low self-esteem still makes me angry.
So I tend to judge the judgers more harshly. Especially the hypocritical ones who judge those who enjoy having sex because they feel they can't get 'access' to casual sex. That's not having 'morals,' that's sour grapes.
You know the answer to your question. Lots of people will judge and mock and assume things based on sexual activity. The question for you is, are you one of them? It doesn't sound as though you are.
So we go back to what I said earlier. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a terrible battle.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell this has turned into an interesting debate. But I agree with you Tisha, and just so you know I am not slut shaming, I believe people men or women can do whatever they want with there bodies I just wanted to know if it changes peoples views of them. David brought up a great point, when it comes to calling someone a slut these days, its weird, the meaning of the word is to do with someone who sleeps with lots of partners, but people associate the word with personality traits. If a women or a man, appears to be cheap, easy, have no taste, jerkish, cocky, arrgonant, misogynistic and have no shame attached to sleeping with people, that is when they are referred to as a slut or a player. If a women or a man, is elegant, sophisticated, intelligent, saucy, sexy and has a certain taste but sleep with hundreds of people, they are referred to as a temptress or a hunk. I think slut shaming is wrong, I think that having shame associated with sex women or men is also wrong. Unfortunately it is society these days, and it has been like this for hundreds of years, men are aloud to sleep with who they please and thats fine, even considered as a good thing, women have always been expected to keep there legs shut and wait for a man to come along, in the world women aren't meant to be the seekers, men are meant to be the seekers, when a women goes out looking for sex, people shame them, when a man goes out lookng for sex, its just a bit fun. I of course don't agree with these standards of society, but that is how it is, and hopefully it will change. An example of this is I once knew a girl who had slept with more men than I can count, she loved sex, she loved all the attention and would go out on the pull, she to this day is called rude names and spat at wherever she goes, simply because she has had sex with a lot of men. However, I once had a boyfriend who had slept with nearing to 20 people, he saw women as objects to be used, he had no respect for them, and if a women wasn't interested in him or wouldn't open there legs, he would pressure them to do it or make up nasty rumours and be vile to them. He cheated on me many times, and still to this day continues cheating on his new partner, everyone seems to of forgotten about what he has done and seem to find it fine when he refers to women as "nice pieces of pussy". This girl cannot get a boyfriend without them using her for sex, while as this ex of mine, now has a new girlfriend and pretty much as soon as we broke up got a lot of girls running to him for sex and relationships, he is still classed a respectable when he is a pig, and she is still classed as a whore when she is nice, kind and geniune. Just shows how corrupt things are these days when it comes to men and women and double standards.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): After you have been pickled, it's hard to go back to being a cucumber.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 February 2014):
I forgot to add to the list of people: guys who can't get laid like they feel they deserve. :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): Saying the double standard about promiscuity is unfair is sort of like complaining its unfair that men don't have to give birth. Fair or not, the difference is totally rooted in the mechanics of the species. People are wasting their time trying to reason that it shouldn't be this way.The (most recent) sexual revolution was nearing 50 years ago. The double standard hasn't gone away. But it also has not gotten anywhere near as easy for most men to get casual sex as it is for most women either. Women are still the gatekeepers and men are still the pursuers. Its still more of a struggle for men to increase their partner list while more women struggle to hold down their list. For some reason human nature has not cooperated and changed to suit our fancy.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 February 2014):
Aren't young men busy having sex too? It seems so common to judge women for being sexual. Previous posts by one of the male aunts commenting here seems to indicate that he's spent his life encouraging women to talk their clothes off and have sex with him, yet those women would then be judged as whorish by him. Hm. Perplexing.
Let's take this post and flip it.
I am a college student and I have a lot of male friends who are my age (17-18) who simply enjoy to have NSA sex, one night stands, and FWB's.
I am not someone who is completely against the concept of NSA sex but tbh I don't really understand it and have some questions which i'd like some opinions on.
These male friends of mine seem to just really like sex in general, and even though they have standards, one night stands and having flings doesn't seem to phase them at all.
I myself, prefer to not engage in things like that, I have had sex in a relationship and I have had NSA sex once, which I found meaningless and un-enjoyable.
I also know other boys who seem to do the same thing, but a particular few of them, are nasty, aren't the handsomest apples in the tree and have a personality like a wet sponge, and when I hear that some boys who are like this have slept with up to 20 women, I am shocked, and all I can think is how on earth do they do it?
Also it seems all of the boys who have had more sexual adventures receive lots of female attention, and I just wondered why?
Is it because these boys having sex shows these girls they are more mature and masculine, or is it because the girls think they can easily get them if they have had more sexual partners?
Also does if a man sleeps around change or hinder there reputation and in particular change the views women have of them?
(P.s I am not interested in doing any of this stuff it is just something I have asked myself many times)
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What happens to people's perceptions of this now? Boys will be boys? It's natural for men to try to sleep with as many women as will say yes to them?
Isn't this when someone will chime in that women like bad boys and reward them by having sex with them?
Slut-shaming is easy, common and it seems to me to be the pastime of small minds with not much else to do.
Live your life remembering this: Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. Even the slut-shamers.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 February 2014):
 Girls who put out "at the drop of a hat".... are considered to be whorish... and have a great deal of trouble establishing respect for themselves, later, once they've exhibited this whorish behaviour....
It's much easier to AVOID being a whore than it is to reconstitute yourself after you have exhibited this (behaviour). Decide which route you want to take, then stick to it....
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, DragonMan +, writes (26 February 2014):
 Greetings,As sad as it sounds the opinions of men for those types of women change radically.The more a women sleeps around the more men think they have an easy target (I know....this coming from a guy).Personally I've never found such women appealing but that might be because I am more secure in my identity as a person that I don't need to have sex at the drop of a hat to prove I am a man but I am my learned colleague Levsn are a rare few nowadays.So yes sleeping around produces extreme reactions from both sides of the spectrum of the male mind.The sex crazed will think of you as an easy target, whilst the more controlled of us consider those that sleep around as untrustworthy and unwilling to settle and more likely to cheat so therefore unsuitable to trust.Everyone forms a subconscious judgement of others but ultimately the decision is yours as this is your life you live
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey! Thanks for all your opinions, its ovbious this is one of those subjects where everyone has a different opinion. I'd just like to confirm that I am in no way putting these girls down, nor do I think badly of them, I am not saying these girls are sluts or tarts and there sex lives do not phase me. I do agree with what CindyCares says to a certain extent and believe that if a women wants to have sex and enjoy it then that doesn't mean she is this or that, but she is simply living her life. These days however partically where I live, the word "slut" is labelled on people not really to do with how many people they have had sex with but more to do with the fact whether they announce it publicly or not. I know some girls who have slept with 18 or so guys, but because they haven't gone around telling everyone they do not get anyone classing them as this or that, however I know some other girls who have slept with around about 7-5 guys and due to the fact they have announced it publicly and are very open about it (details included whether you want to hear them or not) they are deemed as a slut, also the same happens when the guys go round spreading dirty details about a girl they have had sex with. It seems that word is put on girls these days to do with how open they are about who they have sex with, and to do with whether they wish to sleep with just "anyone" or have a select type. I, myself think it is wrong, and don't believe that due to someones sex life they should have a string of shame following them around, especially if they have grown up and what they did was years ago. I also agree that when a man sleeps with loads of women it doesn't have the same effect, they are normally praised for it and encouraged to get on out there and have sex with another women, I personally think that when it comes to sex if a women or a man wants to sleep with loads of people they should be able to and shouldn't have lots of shame following them around everywhere. I still though don't understand how some people do it, and do agree with Pretty_In_Pink. I know one girl who is nasty, rather un-hygienic and I just can't see how on earth she is able to attract and sleep with over 50 men, but then again I will have to agree with what a lot of you say, that some men will sleep with anyone/anything if they know the sex is for free. I myself am very old fashioned and I only like to have sex when in a relationship, I feel that the love is what makes it special, and I will admit I have to take my hats of some of the girls who pick a guy up from a pub and have sex with them because there is no way I could get naked and just have sex with a person I had just met, so maybe it could be the fact they are uber confident. So I guess as a bit of a conclusion, it seems that girls who sleep around seem to attract guys who want sex, which for most of them is fine, but when it comes to relationships they find it hard to attract a guy who doesn't just want them for sex. As now you mention it a lot of these girls end up getting cheated on or having very short relationships which rarely last. I agree that I wouldn't want to go out with someone who had slept around, I went out with a guy before who had and it was a huge mistake. I also agree with IAmHereToHelpYou, that I do know girls who are older who were very promoscious at the ages of 16-17 and now they have died it down a bit, regret it all and find it hard to put it behind them and still after years has a reputation as someone who gives it out fro free. So thanks all of you, I will be true to myself as you have said CindyCares and I will of course concentrate on myself, this is simply a question which I wondered if there was a certain "definitive" answer to but there appears to be many different sides to it. Thankyou all :)
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A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (26 February 2014):
Hii, I know exactly what you mean about the whole "how did you manage to sleep with so many people?" I discovered later that some guys will sleep with anyone willing, yes that includes unattractive people, personality doesn't come into it with those types of men. "You don't look at the mantlepiece when poking the fire" springs to mind. Every town, every class usually has that one person everyone has had a go on. There was once a girl at a carnival with a queue! On dating sites guys flock to the easy ones even when they are incredibly grotesque!
There is a chance they could be lying to look "good"
Yes i do believe that nice decent guys will be put off by these women. You sound a lot like me at your age. I've never been one to sleep around.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2014): Yes of course it changes the way men think of them. No one ever wants the top piece of bread after everyone's touched it. These girls are popular because they're easy, not necessarily because the men like them. And it can take years if ever to shake a bad name once you have one and it doesn't even have to mean sleeping around to get one. But personally, I feel the same about men that sleep around, not relationship material and no one I'd be tempted to get close to. I think it's sad that people think so little of themselves to be used that way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2014): I don't think men believe women to be more mature and womanly if they've had more sexual interactions, if anything, I think they're thinking that it'll be easier to get into their pants. Personally, I think there is a negativity surrounding girls that sleep around, which is unfair towards women because men can do it and they get praise. As a lesbian myself, when I find out a girl of interest to me has been sleeping around, I instantly lose interest in her, not because I think she is a slut or a tart, but because you never know who has had what when they've slept with people for one night etc. And I think men will think the same way as I do unless they're purely out to get sex in which case they will see a girl who has a reputation for being easy and they'll go for her. So yes, I do think it will impact people negatively, if not now, definitely in the future.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 February 2014):
 I have sort of got this feeling that you are fishing for a specific answer, the " virtuous " one, something along the lines of : these girls are popular just because they have a repitation as easy lays, so the boys will be around them like dogs around a bone , hoping to get themselves some with little or no effort.
Alas, this is surely a possibility , since there is still a certain double standard by which a sexually very experienced guy is... a sexually very experieneced guy , and a sexually very experienced girl... s a cheap slut.
But, reality is more complex and there could be dozens of other factors at play. Maybe that's just your impression, fostered by your feelings of inadequacy. Maybe their personality is not as bad as you think and they are actually easy going , laid back and fun to be with. Maybe they are girls who have casual sex not because they had bad fathers ( although, I don't doubt that SOME girls are promiscuous exactly for that reason ) but because they love sex and are confident enough to just go and get what they like, and self confidence is a huge aphrodisiac. Maybe they send out the subtle, constant vibe of all sexually fulfilled people ( does not matter if monogamous or promiscuous ). Go figure.
The point is, do we have to figure, and do we have to condemn ? Live and let live, says I.
You don't want to have ONS because you tried and know that it does not work for you: good for you, now you know what you want and what you don't want, just keep being true to yourself and you'll never have to regret it.
But , not everybody is you, and not everybody wants the same things as you. What do you care if these girls wants other things and use their body and sexuality in other ways ? You wonder how on earth do they do- actually, you don't have to wonder, it's no skin off your nose how they have chosen to conduct their sex life. Just focus on yourself, as Vicky 12345 says, and what makes YOU happy , and leave other people the right to be happy in different ways.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was a question Vicky12345, I am not judging anyone :L
Thankyou for your feedback, you have helped answer my questions, and I guess you could be right there anon.
I have known girls without fathers and with more broken families to sometimes be more promiscuous it makes me sad in a way to think that these girls are simply looking for affection, but I just wanted to know what males thin from there perspective when a girl sleeps around.
Thanks for your feedback Levsn :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2014): From a sixty-ish male point of view:"when I hear that some girls who are like this have slept with up to 20 men, I am shocked, and all I can think is how on earth do they do it?"I'm not a mental health professional, but I suspect that many teenage girls who engage in serial promiscuity are products of broken/dysfunctional homes with absent/abusive fathers and so they are desperately seeking male affection any way they can find it. "Also it seems all of the girls who have had more sexual adventures receive lots of male attention, and I just wondered why? Is it because these girls having sex shows these boys they are more mature and woman like, or is it because the boys think they can easily get into a girls pants if they have had more sexual partners?"The latter, as a horny teenage guy will inevitably gravitate to a chick he thinks will put out for him. While not all guys are like that, unfortunately it seems fewer young men are being taught to respect women."Also does if a women sleeps around change or hinder there reputation and in particular change the views males have of them?"Depends on the type of reputation one aspires to develop, but a chick who acquires a reputation as an easy lay while a teenager often has a difficult time living down that perception among her peers as they move into adulthood.
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male
reader, Levsn  +, writes (26 February 2014):
Personally I stay away from girls / women who sleep around simply because it gives me the impression that they will not settle for one person and may cheat later in a relationship. Also the risk that they got an STD is higher... even if they used condoms, it's something I couldn't thinking about.Sleeping around / having sex with everybody isn't a sign of being mature, more like being childish.
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