A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been talking to a guy for a few weeks now. I really like him and he says he likes me, too. We have similar interests and career goals (music and art) and we are both kind of socially awkward and creative people; I think we click well (but he may or may not think the same) He is always telling me how he thinks I'm "so awesome" and how he feels "happy that he knows me" and he got a little jealous when another guy asked me out. He texts me everyday and we talk for a long time everyday. He lives in another town that's about a 30 min drive away. He has 2 jobs and is almost constantly at work. We went on a date a few weeks ago that went really well.But ever since then, he keeps making plans with me and then cancelling them at the last minute. He cancelled on our plans last weekend the night before because he had to work, but he said he'd "make it up to me". Then this week he says he will take me out on Saturday and then Saturday comes around and I hear nothing from him. I texted him and asked him if he still wanted to hang out and he said "Definitely! But tomorrow because my family sorta stole me away today" It made me angry that he cancelled on me the DAY OF our plan and that he said nothing about it until I actually asked...So I said (not in an angry way, just straight-forward) that if he wanted to continue seeing me at all, he would have to make plans with me a couple days in advance and if he was gonna cancel on me, he couldn't do it at the last minute every single time. He said he understood, and then asked if I was free later that same night and I said I had plans (which was the truth). He says he wants to see me tomorrow but I don't really feel like it because him cancelling on me this many times is very annoying to me. It's also confusing because he acts interested in me by contacting me everyday and complimenting me, posting about me on Facebook all the time, etc. So I really can't tell if he's interested and this series of cancellations is just coincidence or if he really isn't into me. And I really like him so I'm disappointed that it's going this way, but every time he cancels on me I find myself becoming less and less interested. I love talking to him but I don't know if I should be my usual friendly self next time he contacts me or if I should no longer show interest or what. And what should I say when he cancels on me? Should I just be understanding or tell him how it bothers me or what? And is there any hope for this to work out or should I just drop him? Thank you
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 February 2014):
 I agree, drop him.
1 socially awkward person in a relationship can work, 2.. not so well.
You even TOLD him, give me a few days in advance notice and he ignored it.
Work on yourself and being socially awkward, it takes times, but it will benefit you long term.
He likes the idea of you and him together, but the reality is not something he wants to deal with, hence the cancelling over and over.
Stop wasting your time on him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): Your best move is to drop the guy and just move on.
He cancels last minute; because he finds other things he'd rather do. You're just somebody he sends text messages and hangs out with. You're in the "friend-zone." He's thinks he has found someone willing to "put-up" with him.
The guy is a dipstick.
"we are both kind of socially awkward"
As for awkward. Work on not being awkward; then you won't have to settle for it from other people.
Awkwardness comes from unsubstantiated fear, and a lack of self-confidence. Refusal to put your social skills to work. Allowing "clumsiness" to define your personality. If you don't have confidence, find a way to get it. Take a class, join a club, don't stop until you have it.
Learn to interact and feel at ease around people. It is not an option. It is a survival skill. A tool for success.
You may be already making some strides in building your confidence, and now awkwardness from someone else annoyed you.
The changes may be so subtle that you may not be aware you yourself are becoming more confident. Maybe you aren't as awkward as you think you are. You let him know you didn't appreciate his lack of consideration. You couldn't hold back. That's confidence if you ask me! Confronting someone you're dating about something they have done to offend you takes confidence. You found a way through your awkwardness to get your point across.
Continue to build your self-confidence. Don't take nonsense from guys who don't show you proper respect, or live up to their commitments.
Stop accepting "social awkwardness" as a desirable trait in men, or yourself. That is, if you want to build and maintain a relationship.
You can't do that when two people are constantly stumbling over each other. Frustrating, isn't it? If it is, that's a good sign. You're now more motivated to do something about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): have you ever thought of the fact that he might be a bit nervous? even if you've seen that person, you can still feel a little nervous even if everything went well. he could be nervous that he might say something on the date which might wreck everything. go and see him tomorrow, girl!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): He sounds a bit wishy washy to me. He likes the idea of going out with you but the actual doing it is too hard for him. You know yourself, when you really, really like someone nothing - nothing - will keep you away from them. You'll drive 10 miles in the rain to buy credit for your phone so you don't miss their text, or sit on FB dreamily staring at their pictures. Keep him as a FB friend, but maybe keep your dates open for someone who loves the idea of being with you and won't break a date.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 February 2014):
 Just drop him, how many " second chances " do you want to give him ?
Either he is very minimallyh into you, i.e. only as long as it does not take him any effort, any planning , any adjustment- or maybe he is into you but his life is so busy ,chaotic ,disorganized that he cannnot keep any committment, which , at the end of the day, comes to be the same in terms of what you'd get out of being with him : almost nothing .
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 February 2014):
 I say drop him. He clearly has no respect for you, its not that hard to pick up the phone and send a text saying you cant make it. He wasnt even sorry! And you were the one who had to call him!! I say stop making plans with him, because he has shown you he doesnt respect plans he makes with you, nor does he respect your time. You could have made other plans, instad you had to sit and wait and then get stood up. Your time wasted, and he didnt even say sorry... He didnt even call you! Action speaks louder than pretty words on facebook...
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