A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy about a month ago and we have been talking every single day ever since. We are both artists and musicians and I love to talk to him, it's like we never run out of things to talk about. We went on our first date a few weeks ago and it went really well. He likes all my posts on Instagram and comments on my pics calling me cute. And one night, he texted me in the middle of the night asking if I was awake and he said he was "thinking about me"...then a couple days ago he posted on Facebook "I started talking to this girl a while ago and we get along really well, and everytime I think about her I get a funny feeling in my stomach I've never felt before...I don't know what this is" and he also asked me to be his valentine, and I said yes. And he asked me if we could hang out on Valentine's day and I said yes to that, too lol I realllllly like him.But a couple weeks ago we were supposed to hang out and he cancelled on me the night before saying he had to go to work, then the night before Valentine's he cancelled on me, again saying he had to go to work. I really like him and want to believe he is interested in me. All the other signs suggest that he is interested in me, it's just this canceling thing that has me wondering. He says he's gonna make it up to me but...still. I don't want to be led on or be a doormat. He still texts me everyday even after canceling on me. Do you think he is sincerely interested or should I move on?(Also today he asked if he could see me but I'm spending time with my dad today and I don't get to see my dad often and he sorta asked me out of the blue with no advance, so I turned him down, but I'm feeling sorta guilty about that :( )
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2014):
 if you are sure he's canceling for work emergencies then I think giving him a pass is a good idea.
the issue is if you get involved with him, how often do work emergencies come up... for me that would get OLD fast...
as for not accepting a last minute date, do not feel guilty... you had plans and you kept them.. good for you... lots of girls would cancel previous plans to be available for a guy and that is never a good idea.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 February 2014):
 I guess it depends from the job and the job situation. It is Ok to cancel last minute for work- if you are a cop, a paramedic, an E.R. doctor, a firefighter,the CEO of a big company, or whatever kind of work , where you are pretty much on call and emergencies are part of the job description.
I guess it is also OK if you work in the kind of environment where saying " no thanks " may mean that you stand to lose your job and get replaced in a jiffy if you don't accept a flexibility that is NOT included in your work contract. Unluckily this happens more and more even in Europe where trade unions are strong and there are collective national workers contract precisely to make sure that people won't be pressured into doing more than their preaasigned hours, imagine in USA.
If he has a choice, yes it's a bad sign. If he just got called by the grocery store last minute and told " hey John, cashier X called in sick, could you come to sub for him ", he could have refused. He could have said sorry but I have prior committments, call someone else. I understand that if he gets offered extra hours he gets extra money and that's enticing, but , that's actually the point, since I don't believe that he is making a fortune in either workplace, I guess an extra 4 hours would make him 25 or 30 bucks post taxes, so yes, a guy who prefers a few extra bucks to a night with his girl is not terribly smitten. He is interested... up to a point.
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A
male
reader, Roboaxe +, writes (17 February 2014):
 Cancelling more than twice in a row without extremely good reasons is usually a bad sign. He may be juggling multiple girls :/
Give him one more chance if you like him so much. If he does it again, do not give him the time of day, he's treating you like crap.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 February 2014):
 So when he cancels it's because he gets called in for extra shifts or because someone is sick?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2014): Hi this is the OP...he has 2 jobs, at a grocery store and at a clothing store.
The canceling thing is the only bad sign I get for him but other than that we get along really well and he compliments me a lot, we talk every day, etc. I guess time will tell if he's really interested in me or not.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 February 2014):
It's OK to cancel specially if work has a tendency to pop up and ruin a plan. Work should be a priority.
BUT for him to call the SAME day and expect that you just sit at home waiting for him, not a god sign.
Personally, I would tell him that the best way for you to met up/go on a date is IF he can give you a few days notice.
So do NOT feel bad for not making it today, you didn't CANCEL you just couldn't go because you ALREADY had plans. That is life.
What kind of job does he have?
And I agree with WiseOwlE - it's easy to like stuff on FB and post fluff - look at his words and see if they match his actions.
I would ALSO go VERY slow with this guy. Too many cancellations and (unless it makes perfect sense with his job) - I'd bow out.
But since you two get on, I would see what's up.
Generally I feel if a guy cancels a lot, he really isn't that into a girl.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2014): I think you're almost even with cancelling out on each other. He's up by one score-wise.
I think your interest-meter just went down a few degrees.
I would proceed with caution, and not lock-on feelings just yet. When in doubt, hold-back. Pump the brakes and slowdown.
You always have to give new prospects a probationary-period before you allow your feelings to attach.
You also have to give them benefit of the doubt on sudden cancellations without coming off to permissive. Just become less enthusiastic when you hear from them. Gauge your interest on how he tries to make it up to you.
Let him know you were disappointed that he canceled twice, and that gives you pause. No whining or emotion. Just be firm.
Everybody's nice the first few weeks after you've met them. You can put on a pretty good facade for a long-time before your true-colors show. You can't say for sure all that stuff he said on FB was about you. He could have had a few drinks(or whatever), and blurted a lot of buzz-induced feel-good talk.
You are correct to assume two cancellations are suspect. If he was really into you; he would immediately makeup for those inconveniences.
Consider this. Do his apologies sound sincere, or dismissive of his bad-manners?
Did he apologize by phone, or text messages? The tone in his voice would give you evidence of how sincere he is.
Text apologies are impersonal and rude.
I don't know what kind of work he does or his hours; but it's odd he gets called in every-time he has a date scheduled.
Follow your gut. Don't put a lot of stock in sweet-talk and
Facebook literature. That's often a lot of fluff and BS.
He may have publicized that to soften you up, to bed you down.
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