A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend of 4 months went out on saturday to buy me an engagement ring (he thinks i don't know) we have been very happy and he has always been very loving and attentive. on sunday he left saying he needed some space and time to think and that he thought we were going to fast. he set the pace not me but now i'm very hurt and confused. dos this mean its over? why is he doing this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): There is not a lot of information here, but I tend to think along the lines of what Birdy had to say about this....I would just wait until he comes back and you can talk it over, 4 months is pretty fast, but I do know a couple who did the same thing (they were 10 years older though and both had been married once before) and their marriage is still going strong after a couple of kids and dogs.....so just wait an see what happens, you will know soon enough....this is a big step, and he may just be freaking out a bit over taking the next big step...not that uncommon, but just be sure you both think alike when it comes to marriage and what you expect out of it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): I agree, getting an engagement ring after 4 months of dating is very, very unusual. But many people have had whirlwind courtships in the past and have married for a lifetime. So we can't assume that just because you have been together only 4 months, that your love for him is not true and real. However, in light of his bailout, I am questioning his true feelings for you, dear. Your bf is running scared and getting a case of 'cold feet'. Sometimes, guys feel pressured into doing things like this, only to rethink it, he's fluctuating between moving ahead with the relationship and going back to his freedom. Now he has gone off to have some space, leaving you hurt and upset. I think he should have been more honest and faced this issue with you, together and talked it out. So take a good, hard look at your fiance's actions, in general. Do you see the maturity, the honorable characteristics that you wish to have in a devoted, committed partner for life? It really is quite natural for people to fear a committment such as an engagement. I know that. But..instead of staying and trying to work this out with you-he bails and leaves. This is not the actions of a loving man. Just the fact that he left you hurt, in pain and distraught tells me, you have a bigger problem on your hands. The basis of a good, successful relationship is mutual respect and the deep, loving consideration for one another's feelings. To just take off and run away to have his space, indicates a guy that he has a huge lack of compassion and maturity. He is not displaying the integrity..the honesty..the courage..the respect.. of a man you should consider a lifetime with. Rather he's being pretty yellow-bellied and cowardly, don't you think? I think he's weak and he not taking your feelings into account...it's all about him, his scared feelings and his space. You want a 'real' relationship with a 'real' man who loves you and can face all challenges with you! Who is honest and respects you. I'd be doing some serious re-evaluations about this guy, if I were you. Good luck, sweety and never be afraid to face the truth of a man's character through his actions. Having that ability saves us the countless pain and frustrations, that could occur, down the road. Learn to discriminate who is good for your future..never forget that. Take care and be strong.
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A
female
reader, trueheartconfused  +, writes (17 April 2007):
Hi ;
I hate to burst your bubble but I really doubt the
ring was for you , he might have bought it for someone
else but show it to you to keep you hooked and keep you
guessing. No guy is foolish enough to buy an engagement
ring after only 4 months of dating and say he needs
space.
Did you have a fight on Sunday ? what happened , not
enough information here, you could have said something on
Sunday and upset him without knowing and caused him to have
second thought.
If he wants to marry you and spend the rest of his life
with you , he needs to do this on his own and at his own
pace, I am afraid there is nothing you can do . Wait
a little bit, do't push him, if he truly loves you , he will
do just about everything to be with you , if he is one of
those bad guys , he will reveal his true self pretty soon.
Just wait , relax.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (17 April 2007):
 I'm confused by what he did as well. You are not too young. It's fairly quick, but, not unreasonable at four months. What does he do for a living? I'm wondering if he knew what engagement rings cost. Do you think that might be a problem? It sounds like something spooked him, either the cost or seeing the ring? I don't think it's over, I would just give him the space he needs to calm down. I'm sure he will be back. He was in love enough to consider proposing, his head and his heart are not going to change overnight. When he comes back, sit him down and talk about all of this. He needs to know that you still love him, but explain how hurt you are by him balking after he decided, under his own steam, to go to the next step. Tell him it's okay to slow things back down and date. It's okay to discuss marriage and whether you want to head in that direction without ruining the moment of getting proposed to. You should try to get on the same page so that he doesn't freak out again and you don't get your feelings hurt. After all, you did know anyway, it wouldn't have been totally out of the blue. If you talk about it, you can be more relaxed about going ahead with any plans you make together, free from pressure. I'm sorry things did not go smoothly and that you are worried right now. He'll be back.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (17 April 2007):
 Hi,
I wouldnt worry, he sounds like he is having the jitters.
Maybe one of his mates has said something, you know what men are like, they are put off very easily, and like to be in a pack.
Just give him some space, perhaps a little more than he would like, if you know what i mean. And I am sure he will come running back, just dont chase him, that will make matters worse.
I am sure it will be ok,
take care X
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): maybe he genuinly feels he has been moving too quickly and has overreacted in the other direction a bit. If only bin 2gether 4 mths prob is a bit 2 fast. Why hurry if you are considering spending the rest of your lives 2gether.I would talk to him sayin that u are not backin off, but u fine to wait and was happy as u were.get bak to way was and let things naturally develop. No pressure then on relationship
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): Ok I don't want this to sound horrible but there are many reasons for this. Buying an engagement ring is a big step maybe after he bought it or even before he bought it he realised that this is a life changing decision that maybe he himself isn't ready.
Do you know the ring was definitely for you? he could be having an affair and the ring is for another woman...
Just becuase he set the pace doesn't mean he had his emotions, concerns and life all in check and it may have taken something like the idea of "settling down" to bring him back and take a look at everything and he may have rel;aised he's not ready and maybe your not the one, or the one just yet.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (17 April 2007):
 He may have scared himself a bit. He got all excited and went and got you a ring, but then checked himself and said it was going too fast. He may have been the one that was going too fast, not you, but he still realized that the pace was wrong. Four months really is probably too soon to be getting engaged. You two are not out of the honeymoon stage yet. Get to know each other more, spend more time and if it is really right for you two then a few more months or a year is not going to change anything.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (17 April 2007):
He may have scared himself a bit. He got all excited and went and got you a ring, but then checked himself and said it was going too fast. He may have been the one that was going too fast, not you, but he still realized that the pace was wrong. Four months really is probably too soon to be getting engaged. You two are not out of the honeymoon stage yet. Get to know each other more, spend more time and if it is really right for you two then a few more months or a year is not going to change anything.
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