A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i'd just like some opinions from people on something which is really bothering me. A couple of weeks ago it was my 1 year anniversary with my boyfriend. I was really excited by this as i have never been in a relationship before and to me it was a big deal. So anyway, i put quite a bit of effort into getting a nice present (the nicest thing i have ever bought anyone). I didn't expect a present in return (even though he knew i was planning something) but i thought that he would do SOMETHING as he knew i was all happy about it. I had been away that weekend and when i got back it was like a normal day, nothing special...he hadn't done anything at all :-( and i felt really stupid for being so excited for so many weeks. I'm really happy he liked the gift and he said its the nicest thing a girlfriend has ever given him, but at the same time i was and still am so gut wrenchingly disappointed that he made no effort at all. I can't seem to shift this feeling and it was two weeks ago at easter. I think i am being a moron, but i thought that he might make a fuss of me because he knows it is a first for me (he has had lots of girlfriends before me, so its different for him). Am i over reacting? I have spoken to him about how i feel about it and he just said something like 'it hadn't occured to me how much of a big deal it was to you. I was interested and took note of the day, but never for one minute realised how much it meant to you' .Anyway, i feel really shitty about it all and i don't know how to feel better about it other than slapping myself across the face and telling myself to stop being a romantic idiot.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (17 April 2007):
 Hi Honey,
I'm so sorry that you are gutted over this. I have to tell you, it's probably more normal to behave like your guy than not. Most guys are quite dense when it comes to holidays and celebrations, just remember who did all the planning at your home - I'll bet it's your Mom, Right? When I raised a son and daughter, my son would always ask for a treat when we were out, but my daughter always asked for one for her and one for her brother (even when they were 3!) so I guess the behaviour is ingrained. The nice thing is that he truly did appreciate your gift and said how wonderful it was, which was your intention! I have to tell you that I planned our wedding anniversary to be the first of the month, so that he would not forget! The trick (I'm sorry, it's sneaky but it works) is to drop blantant hints for weeks up to the occassion. If you really feel that this will compromise the whole spirit of the intention, you shouldn't do this - BUT you should be prepared to be disappointed again. I'm afraid they are just hot-wired that way. And my apologies to the unusual guys out there who remember without prodding. You should probably let him off the hook but when the opportunity presents itself, try to explain how you felt about it and how important the occassion was to you. Just don't rake him over the coals, he really seemed to be clueless about what you expected. The next time, with some prodding, he'll understand what you expect at a milestone occassion. I hope this helped cheer you a bit and Congrats on your Anniversary! XX
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