A
male
age
,
*NA
writes:My soon to be wife has pictures, love letters and cards of serious old boyfriends at our home. They are not exposed but kept in boxes in several locations. I know they are sweet memories for her. But they tend to bother me because of the depth of intimacy in them. I want to talk with her about how it makes me feel but am not sure quite how to proceed or even if I should do so. Any suggestions?
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male
reader, ONA +, writes (21 April 2007):
ONA is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGreat feedback, I appreciate both the male and female perspectives. Some great thoughts that will help me make better choices around this issue. I am a romatic and always look for ways to show my baby how important she is. Thanks for the follow-up.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (21 April 2007):
 She is not keeping them because of the intimacy, but because they are love letters that remind her of her youth. I don't think that it is a problem, they are just old memories. I think she deserves some new ones! She is obviously sentimental - When is the last time you wrote her a love letter? Go and buy some thick, beautiful writing paper and pour your heart out, tell her how beautiful she is and how much she means to you. Then tie it up with a red ribbon! She will treasure that more than anything! I have kept every love letter that my husband has ever sent me and they are the only ones that I re-read!
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A
male
reader, ONA +, writes (21 April 2007):
ONA is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for your suggestions and input. You are right about this being her past. Your advice is very good and I wish you the best in your relationships.
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A
female
reader, alita  +, writes (21 April 2007):
Ok, from a female point of view.. I keep some pictures from my ex's. I guess they are just there as part of something in the past.
But if my boyfriend finds them and ask me to trash them, I wouldn't mind at all because I love him. So tell your girl that you are bothered by those pictures and see what she has to say.
I wouldn't become jealous of the past, for one reason is the past.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): Hi there,
Do you not have any things of your own ex's? Most people who have had a relationship keep some form of memory, even if it's just one thing. I think you could upset her if you tell her you feel uncomfortable about her sentiments, she might get rid of them just to help you and I think that would be unfair because she is entitled to having something to remind her of her past.
I think you are best off talking about this with a friend and dealing with it yourself to be honest.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (21 April 2007):
 I have to say I am guilty of something similar to this so I can totally understand where your gf is coming from. I think that you do have to bear in mind the key word here, *memories*. I would be surprised if you yourself haven't been intimate with people in the past. We all have a past and come from somewhere.
What you are looking for from her is some kind of reassurence and I have to wonder if there is any other reason for you to doubt the relationship? Or is there something in your past to do with ex's?
To be honest I am not sure if you should talk to her. If you do then you will have to be gentle about it. It could well be one of those cases where you communicating your feelings could do more harm than good. Besides, you can't reasonably ask her to trash these things so i am not sure what outcome you would want.
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