A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:my husband sent me overseas to resettle ,while he stayed back to work but as soon as i was out of county he had a love affair with another women. he came over to visit, by that time i found out. due to what he did i wouldn,t let him go back.i love him and want to stay with him but can,t get it out of my head what he has done to me. he wont let me tell him what i'm feeling and how i feel.i dont trust or believe him anymore but i want to keep our marriage after 26 years. what can i do? all i want at this stage is to get her and him back for what they did to me. please help me decide, do i carry on with my marriage or do i call it quits
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, guys. Thank you for your answers, there were a few gd ones that will help me decide. One answer was to seek this female out which i have been wanting to do but on the other hand i just want to get on with my life. You are right saying that you can forgive but never forget! One day i just might. I,ve put it to him to even start taking me out, which he has never done, but his response is can,t afford it.i will be working on this relationship as i am not a quiter and i love him too much. I just hope one day he will realise how luky he is to have such a women like me. some of the people that have answered sound like lovely people.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2007): I really can understand what you are feeling Because one year ago after thirty three years of marriage I found out my husband had been e-mailing & calling his ex-wife for the past five years I know he even tried to get back to the mid west to see her at least once that I know of.
I am just to darn old to start over and any way I was not about to see her end up with half of everything we had if I divorced him so I started checking her out on the internet people finders.com had a bunch of stuff about all her marriages and also I found a site from the state she lives in that list all the criminal rap sheets & she had one.
I gave everything I found to my husband and he stopped all contact but I will never trust the old fool again love yes trust no way.
So maybe you should check this women out because a lot of women out there are looking for a man that has done well in life to try and grab on to also it depends on how much you love him can you ever for give him?
I know the pain you feel is terrible because at one point I thought I would have a break down.
Good luck in what ever you decide to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): Life is about being happy and having no regrets. Your husband betrayed and hurt you, and now has no regard for how your feeling. Is he worth it? You have been together for 26 years! That’s doesn’t mean you have to stay together for a further 26 years. Think about yourself and how you feel, can you stay with this man after he’s cheated and lied to you?
Don’t be afraid of walking away… you will be fine on your own, you don’t need your husband to be happy nor do you need him to survive!! On the other hand if you truly see your marriage working than go for it… but I can promise you one thing you may be able to forgive but you will never forget… and you will never trust your husband again.
I hope it all works out for you
Take Care
Emma
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): You need to find out if he lloves you and wants to stay with you. Good luck on your troubling times I hope you are happy with your choice
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for ther answers that i have recieved, i know we need counciling but one problem. He,s the type of male that has done what he has done and is carrying on as if he has done nothing wrong. Him having the affair is not the only thing that is eating at me, i have found out from sources for example,when he got found out by my brother and he asked what is he doing, (he had love bits on his neck), and that my sisterinlaw will tell me, his answer was that he didn,t care.He was taking her out etc and he has hardly ever taken me out. There are alot of things eating me and he wont let me talk about it. Even if we did go to a counciler i know he will lie. Perhaps i should go by myself, i don,t know. I don,t even know if they knew each other prior to me coming overseas. I have alot of unanwered questions that need answering and i think thats why i need to go bac , find her and get the answers and then i might know which way to go. I got a loan and went to where we did live and payed all his debts for him since i made him stay here with me, yer i know i,m a fool! Did i get a thank you? No.I have also found a photo of him and he hidden on the computer which blew me away!I don,t know if they are communicating, there is nothing on the ph bill. Do i go bac to get answers , would it help me
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reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (19 April 2007):
 I'm so sorry Dear, you certainly did not deserve any of this to happen to you while you were taking care of everything by yourself. I am in the ex-pat community and I have heard so many times of families and couples trying to survive the culture shocks and trauma of moving along with facing infidelities by their spouse. The working spouse has an easier move, because they generally move within their community and they have a career to throw themselves into. You know that moving is one of the biggest stresses one faces. I can certainly understand your anger at him and the woman (it would be nice to give her another name). The thing that stood out in your letter is the line - I love him and I want to stay with him. You are going to have to believe that and trust in your feelings for him in order to put your marriage back together, if that is what you want. It is possible, couples do survive infidelities, but you are going to need councelling together and he will have to earn back your trust. You need to sit down and decide what kind of reassurance you will need to get through this. He will have to make some concessions, he should agree to not contact the woman again and go to councelling. You can feel free to write to me anytime, if there is any way I can help. Take Care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2007): if theres no trust then you should just let it go for thats what a good relationship is based you know?
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