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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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I want my ex back, but she wants nothing to do with me after I said and did some really awful things.
Q. I said things to her that really hurt her feeling and broke her heart. Now she does not want to talk to me, does not want to reply to my emails, has even removed me as a friend from her facebook, and said please do not contact her. I feel really bad ...
A. 15 July 2009: One way woman find respect from their ex is your honoring her request. It might be hard, but when she says not to contact her, doing so shows a lack of respect. Respect her now, you might get a chance to talk later, but if you show disrespect now, ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant, and I need his love and support...but he's not giving it to me
Q. Hi I'm pregnant for 23 weeks and married for about 6 months now. Before marrying we knew each other for 6 years I knew he was already married but yet i decided to marry him because of his love and since childhood i was away with this affection. ...
A. 15 July 2009: Can a guy be married to more than one woman in your country? After reading this, it's evident why our country sees having more than one as not a good idea.
I want you to live for your child. Is this your first one? I have children, and believe me, ... (read in full...)
He neglected to tell me things, what should I do?
Q. This could end up as a long explanation but i want to try and include all the background details to make it clear.. I am currently in a long distance relationship that has hit a rock, and i am unsure how to continue, if atall. What complicates...
A. 15 July 2009: I'm sorry to hear about both of your medical conditions. This in its self can be traumatic on both of you. Did you ever think that maybe your reason for meeting is not to be in a romantic relationship, but to lend support to the other while going ... (read in full...)
I don't know if what I'm feeling is love. How am I supposed to feel?
Q. Please no negative comments. I'm simply asking for thoughts. I need to start off with my dating history so you guys can fully understand. My 1st serious relationship was in high school. I was 14 and he was 17. So freshman and senior. Before t...
A. 15 July 2009: RELEASE YOUR PAST!!!!!!!!!! He's a combination of the two you loved before???? NO he's his own person, and shouldn't be compared to anyone other than himself. You understand what "red flags" are. Mental blocks that protect us, but also cause issues ... (read in full...)
Could my personality be a barrier in the relationship?
Q. I'm 25 years old and still trying to grow-up as far as financial and emotional independence goes. Recently, I met a man who is 19 years older than me, never been married, but had several serious relationships in the past. He showed special ...
A. 15 July 2009: I don't see it as sabotaging. You are who you are, and by the sounds of it, you've developed yourself into a good person. Now, on the other side, a good catch is someone who is compatible, and doesn't have anything to do with education. So tossing ... (read in full...)
I went to far with my adoptive sister while drunk and now she hates me
Q. i cant believe im doing this, but here goes. Well, when i was 5, my dad was an alcoholic. He killed himself after he killed my mom. A year after the funeral i was adopted. I guess my childhood memories made me who i am right now. Im an alcoholic, im ...
A. 15 July 2009: What happened to your parents, I can't think of anything that is really more traumatic on a young person. What forms of therapy have you had over the years?
If this recently happened, you might need to give her some time to sort this out, and be a... (read in full...)
How do you tell a guy you're still waiting for an orgasm?
Q. I slept with a new man the other night--in our texts he kept telling me about all the things he would do, oral, etc. But in reality we had intercourse twice, and I sucked him off for a while. But not once did he try to go down on me or please ...
A. 15 July 2009: Why is it easier for you to tell all of us you haven't cum than it is to tell your partner? Just start off by, "I want you to __________________" Don't keep quiet, and just let what ever happens happen. Take control of your satisfaction, and direct ... (read in full...)
Beaten and abused and I need a way out
Q. please help me..ok i am 16 years old and my mom is very physically abusive and verbally abusive towards me.i have been in state custody once because i reported her.i was in state custody for 7 mths and i loved it my foster parents were great.well ...
A. 15 July 2009: Stay with your dad, you're much better off there. What state do you live in? I'd be happy to look up the law. Some states you can move out without parental permission.
You need to know that this is not at all your fault. How your mom treats you ... (read in full...)
I have signs of pregnancy but never have had sex!
Q. I'm a bit concerned because I have some of the symptoms of being pregnant but I know I'm not because I've never had sex. I usually have alot of stress and anxiety though, any help or suggestions? ...
A. 15 July 2009: Stress and anxiety can cause issues as you're having, I would go to a doctor and see what you can do to reduce the stress and anxiety in your life. Reduce those, the symptoms will too. ... (read in full...)
I'm so angry at myself after falling for a womanizers lies
Q. I have been struck by the womanizers arrow. I am so pinned up against the wall I feel my whole mind has been taken hostage. I am so angry at myself! Were both married. Obviously he led me to believe he was the victim of no sex in his marriage ...
A. 15 July 2009: The issue here should be about you having an affair, not about how many affairs the one you're having an affair with is having. So what if there is one or a hundred. The truth here is you're not with the person you are married to. Two people having ... (read in full...)
I was drunk out of my head and got involved in an orgy
Q. Something happend to me last Saturday and I am trying to process it in my head. I am still in shock. I went to a very good friends birthday party. Because it was a house party and I planned to stay in their spare bedroom for the night, I got rea...
A. 14 July 2009: You answered your own question. Hadn't had sex for a year, so you did it. That's not being taken advantage of, that's making a choice to do what you may not have done under different circumstances.
I personally wouldn't take part in something like... (read in full...)
He called the police on me because I wouldn't shut up
Q. My boyfriend is 20 years old then me and set in his way along with being a cross-dresser. he broke up with me said he is tried of me and I have been seeing him for 15 years. I've always known about his uniqueness and love him so much. He said he ...
A. 14 July 2009: You have not been seeing him since he was "5" years old. If you could correct the ages, it'd be appreciated. ... (read in full...)
She studdies religion and shuts everyone out.
Q. Hello again agony aunts! i've got a doozy here and need some outside perspective. starting at the beginning, my current girfriend whom i love with all i am, has had some major issues in the last year and a half. basically about two years agot s...
A. 13 July 2009: Interesting dilemma. Remind her of "false profits". When questioning true communication from God, or in this case, NOT, take her and her emails to the Church and have the priest look them over and talk to her. This would be a good way to get her to ... (read in full...)
My anger is harming our relationship
Q. okay so i have been with my girlfriend for two years now and in the beggining i was the complete shy, nerdy guy that would never dream about getting angry at her. no matter how mad she made me i wouldnt show it and i would just bottle it up so i ...
A. 13 July 2009: Can't control it, or you choose not to? Your anger has nothing to do with the little things you get angry about. It has to do with how you react based on how you view the little things. Your perception is how you view your reality. If you want to ... (read in full...)
I know what is right, but I'm still confused on what to do
Q. So I am newly engaged to an MP in the army and he is stationed at Guantanamo Bay, I live near an air force base so naturally i have alot of air force friends well one of my friends which is a guy has been hitting on me knowing i am engaged and sends ...
A. 13 July 2009: If you really love you fiance, you should know what to do, without question. Tell your friend, to quit or no more friendship. If he can't respect your being engaged, he's really not a friend at all. ... (read in full...)
My daughter is showing her body to some guy via her phone!
Q. hey i'm in big problem. My daughter is 16. I saw his mobile phone with some wrong messages. she was sharing with her school mate..those message r kind of sexual pleasure. Its seems they r showing their body to each other . i know the boy well. he ...
A. 13 July 2009: Don't be to hard on her. At her age, she's beginning to figure out her sexuality. Have a discussion with her about what is appropriate and what is not. I have teen daughters, I have to realize they get tempted in these ways also, but I can talk to ... (read in full...)
He thinks sex hurts because I don't have a G spot
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 12 months now. We have been having sex for 10 of those months but when we do it hurts me, when its going in, when its in but not when he pulls out. He is the only guy i have ever been with. He has been with ...
A. 12 July 2009: Where did your G spot go? This does not have anything to do with whether or not you have a G spot. Try different positions and find one that's comfortable for you.... (read in full...)
His ex is stalking us!
Q. Me and my boyf have been together about 4 month now and soo in love. When we first got together he warned me about his ex. She was a compulsive liar, dumped him at xmas, cried rape oh and did i mention he worked with her in a small shop? We got to...
A. 12 July 2009: I highly recommend notifying the police. I personally dated one of these, and if you don't take action it wont stop and possibly get worse. ... (read in full...)
I got irresponsibly drunk, had sex and my parents want to sue him
Q. i kinda got raped. i cant explain but i can try. i was drunk. i passed out , was consantly throwing up, but continued drinking. he carried me into his room. i was awake, i didntr say no but i didnt say yes either. im 16 and he is 22. my parents ...
A. 12 July 2009: Either you were raped or you were not raped. Which is it. There is no "kinda" or "sorta" when it comes to being raped. Also, at his age, most states will charge with statutory rape, even if it were to be okay with you.
My daughter, who's 15 aske... (read in full...)
My hubby has been self-harming and over eating to cope with his cheating, we need help?
Q. My husband said to me when I came in from work yesterday "Sit down. We need to talk, this is important!" I was surprised at how open he was being, previous partners I'd had were never this open. He admitted to me he'd slept with another woman...
A. 11 July 2009: Recommend counseling, you and he separate then you two together. Self harm is a drastic method of coping with a situation, especially as an adult. Working with many people who have cheated and been cheated on, self harm is a rare method of coping ... (read in full...)
What should I do? I'm scared my marriage failed big time!
Q. So I have typed the problems me and my husband are having and I have tried to help our relationship so much and so far it hasn't worked. I have suggested to go to a councilor or a pastor and he said it probably wouldn't work. And it wouldn't I ...
A. 11 July 2009: In case other people read this who are in your situation. Answer this: No matter how much he worked and made money, even if he made a bunch of it, NO amount of money can replace quality time spent between the married couple?
It sounds as if he's ... (read in full...)
We were moving, now she doesn't want me to move in..what is going on?
Q. Due to the credit crunch me, my wife and two children 3 and 5yrs. Was moving into rented accomadation while we sell our home. She has now moved into new place while i finish home and sell. But now she doesnt want me to move in, she says she loves me ...
A. 11 July 2009: Ask her directly if he's having an affair. Reminds me of a saying: "Never leave someone you love for someone you like, cause someone you like will leave you for someone they love." She says she loves you, but can't be with you???? Those two really ... (read in full...)
Feels like a dark cloud's over me... will this feeling end?
Q. Morninging All, just a quick question. Does anyone ever have that horrible feeling where you think something bads going to happen that makes you feel on edge? Over the past few months i kep feeling like this on and off and the only way to desc...
A. 11 July 2009: I want you to talk to your doctor. How long did it take you to stop taking your meds, or did you just one day stop? Anti-depressants need to be slowly stopped, if not can cause depression and other affect changes. I wouldn't wait until it worsens ... (read in full...)
I gave them a test at the church and was escourted out and will not be allowed to come back!
Q. Before last sunday I had never been to church. My friend finally convinced me into going, but I am not big into religion and I don't like it when my friend pushes it on me. So anyway, we get to the church (it is methodist) and I overhea...
A. 11 July 2009: Figuring out your relationship to God and Jesus is separate from religion. If you choose a church to attend, choose one that works for you, not someone else. I grew up Catholic, I now attend a non-denominational church. There is something about ... (read in full...)
He says if I don't sleep with him, he won't help with our children
Q. heres the story: about 5 months ago my live-in boyfriend of 5 years left me. He instantly had a gf (which leads me to believe he was seeing her before the break up, altho he denies it) anyway, we keep in touch bc we have to, as we have children ...
A. 11 July 2009: Someone this unstable is absolutely right. You shouldn't be expected to influence your kids to this negative environment. Your job is to protect your kids, before anything else. It's okay to worry about the health and well being of someone, but not ... (read in full...)
Why did he apologise?
Q. hello everyone :) okay so today i had to go to drivers ed and pick up my friend "Jack" too. Jack and I have always been very close friends but about a month ago we took it a step forward....we disided to send pictures of our selfs to eachother(n...
A. 10 July 2009: Explain to him he wasn't forcing you. It sounds like he feels ashamed as if he had crossed over the boundaries from being okay to not being okay. ... (read in full...)
Is he playing me for revenge?
Q. Does online relationship really work?? Hello everyone. First of all I really want American guys and not guys from our country because I love tall and white guys. I met this guy on an chatting site and he is a marine in Japan. I will prefer c...
A. 10 July 2009: Your English was really good. I'm not sure if it's for revenge, but I believe you are being played. Going from one friend to the next friend, what makes you think they didn't know what the other one was up to the whole time? Housemaid???? What's ... (read in full...)
My Ex wants to still have Sex when his new Girlfriend is pregnant!
Q. I was with my ex for 5 years he cheated on me 3 times but I love him and still ended up back with him. We got married last year and I got pregnant. He left me for other women when I was 2 months prego. He told me thay it was a mistake to leave me ...
A. 10 July 2009: The issue here is not whether or not he loves you. WHY do you want to be with someone who cheats on you multiple times, and cheats with you on this other girl. You being part of this little game really doesn't make your behavior any better than this ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him I cheated
Q. heyyy i'm 19 and I have a boyfriend of a year who I absolutely LOVEE!! I couldnt imagine my life with out him... but something happened about a week ago that I just can't get off of my conscience. I was at a party and I accidentally hooked up with a ...
A. 9 July 2009: If you love him, you'll tell him because he deserves to know. This is why revenge always ends up being a destructive act. What did this do for you? You get to tell him something that will hurt, and you hurt from your act. I don't believe your ... (read in full...)
She kissed her best male friend..what should I do?
Q. My girlfriend confess to me that she kissed her best friend. She told me it was a mistake and had no feeling attached to it. Of course I got angry but im a reasonable person and i know everyone makes mistakes. I told her that I applaud her for ...
A. 8 July 2009: People do make mistakes, but this particular mistake crossed the boundary from "just friends" to violating the relationship she has with you. As far as your healing, I don't believe your girlfriend respects you and this process. Although I don't see ... (read in full...)
Does this make me a slut even though I'm drunk?
Q. Heyy So I have this problem where when I get drunk I'll hook up with random guys and most of the time are alot older than me. Does it make me a slut to hook up with random people even though I'm drunk?? ...
A. 8 July 2009: I'm not going to state whether this behavior makes you a slut, but I will say that alcohol does not give you an excuse for what you're doing. ... (read in full...)
I'm forcing myself to throw up because I want to be a model
Q. My boyfriend is freaking out cause he caught me making myself throw up (been doing this for a week). I mean I'm 18 so I'm legally adult and its not like I'm killing myself. But he nags at me because "hurting" myself and he doesn't want to be like ...
A. 6 July 2009: NO MORE PURGING. Bobbles32 has it right. agencies are not looking for people with eating disorders. In order to function correctly your body needs so many calories. When you eat, then purge, nutrition gets flushed as well. Then it becomes a ... (read in full...)
Where is our friendship going?
Q. Is our friendship moving in a different direction? I'm not real sure how to take this. He's my neighbor - a 42 year old single male. I'm a 29 year old single female. We are really good friends and sort of have a brother/sister type relationshi...
A. 6 July 2009: It seems as if one or both of you has at least explored the possibility of being more than just friends. The question is: How long are you two going to deny you do. "I mean, we're just friends but it's like we were keepin tabs on eachother or ... (read in full...)
I think I upset her, can our friendship be saved?
Q. I met a great girl through unusual circumstances about 18 months ago. We hit it off great and while at times it got a little personal, it pretty much always remained just a friendship. She's a great girl, smart, funny and we have a lot of similar ...
A. 5 July 2009: Tentative appointments do not mean you sit there and wait, and if she shows up? It means, lets pick a date, if I can't make it, I'll let you know, and you do the same.
Can it be saved? Sure. Without future incidents? I don't think so.
These... (read in full...)
If it's okay for men to meet visual and sexual needs through porn then surely its okay for married women to date and go on romantic outings with other men to have their romance 'needs' met?
Q. I often hear men (and some women) claim that porn is ok for men within relationships because they are 'visual' and only seeking thrills....etc If this is the case and these people like to stereotype then the other side of this argument is that wom...
A. 5 July 2009: So, you're saying women can find men to agree to a romantic outing, with no present or future possibility of physical contact? I believe trust would become a big issue, if this were true. A man who watches porn, doesn't have the availability of ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant, but I don't want him to get in trouble.
Q. I am 15 and I'm pregnant with my boyfriend that is four years older than me i need help i don't want him to go to jail i live in florida he wants to be there for me and the baby and he plans to marry me i love him to death is there anything i can ...
A. 4 July 2009: I would recommend talking to your parents. It's a difficult situation, but we all face difficult times, and have to overcome them as well. Best of luck to you. ... (read in full...)
Can a selfish person change at all??
Q. Hi everyone, I have been seeing a woman for the last 7 months. This woman has a had a hard life with her family, having been thrown out of home by her mother at 18 and forced to pay for her studies, finding a place to live and making a career ...
A. 4 July 2009: Bad signs on which side????? I see problems with how both of you act. From your side, I see an abnormal dependency or attachment level. This is why you feel the way you do when left alone, and how you see the method of showing love to her needs to ... (read in full...)
They are BOTH denying their affair! How can I know for sure?
Q. My husband and I have ben married for 7 years and we have two daughters. The other night my husband received a text message from someone known as just the letter "J" on his phone saying "good night". I called the number twice and a woman answered ...
A. 30 June 2009: An "Affair" doesn't have to be physical. You've heard the term "emotional affair" When it comes to a marriage being off balance, is it really essential that he sleeps with someone to prove his emotions are not completely in the marriage with you? ... (read in full...)
I've been married for 11 years to the wrong man!
Q. I have been married for eleven years to the wrong man. I love my husband as a friend but am not in love and I don't think I have ever been. I knew the day we got married and he called me a bitch before walking down the isle I was making a huge ...
A. 29 June 2009: I agree that you should have walked away before saying "I do." What I can't understand is how you're worried about how this will affect him by walking away, instead of protecting yourself and your children from being exposed to this abuse. Your kids ... (read in full...)
How should I end my affair?
Q. I am at a cross road with this affair I've been involved in for the last seven months. He's married to a woman who lives in another country. He's with her now until he returns home next week. He's a very well known in many religious circles. I love ...
A. 28 June 2009: How do you feel about being in a situation where getting an abortion was the idea of choice? He's married and a religious leader, who's behavior can affect 10,000+ people. Do you see how this "on the face" is not okay? He's not being proper within ... (read in full...)
I found an email written by my husband to his ex saying he wanted her bad!
Q. Couple of months ago I went online to pay my phone bill and I saw that me husband used like 230 text messages, I was wondering whom he is texting to, as he is not a big texter and it was to a same number. He was texting every single day and actually ...
A. 26 June 2009: He's going to continue contacting her as long as he's getting away with doing so. You'll need to bring it up to him. Ask him what his intentions are. Be honest with him, and let him know how you feel about this. You don't deserve for him to have ... (read in full...)
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