A
female
age
30-35,
*uvisntezy413
writes:heyyy i'm 19 and I have a boyfriend of a year who I absolutely LOVEE!! I couldnt imagine my life with out him... but something happened about a week ago that I just can't get off of my conscience. I was at a party and I accidentally hooked up with a guy because me and my boyfriend were in a fight and I thought I was getting revenge... I can't decide if I should tell him about this hook up and possibly ruin our relationship, or if I should keep it on my conscience for the rest of my life?!! PLEASE HELP!
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female
reader, littlest.devil  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 I'm sorry to tell you this but yes you should tell him. If you truely love him you cannot hide this from him , unfortunatly you already messed up by cheating, do you want to make it worse by lying too ? I'm not trying to be mean but there's not really a nice way to say this. If he finds out that you cheated by someone else (and since it was at a party he probably will) not only will it hurt 10x more because he had to find out by someone else, but he will also know that you had spent all that time with him not telling him what you did thus making you look 10x worse. I know alot of people will say don't tell him because they are looking out for your feelings but please, look out for his feelings, atleast be honest with him. If you're lucky just maybe you two could find a way to deal with it and move on with your relationship. Best of luck 3
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): i dont think that you should have went to a party if you were mad at your boyfriend. cause if you really love him, than you would talk it out, and fix the situation that you two have. You shouldnt run from your problems. And if you dont tell him and he finds out himself he is going to be really mad. So i would tell him. and imediately tell the other person that you dont know what you were thinking i was mad. what you feel. im not you.
but good luck with all that.
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A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (9 July 2009):
 Your choice is your conscience or your relationship, work out which one you want to live with.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 July 2009):
 If you love him, you'll tell him because he deserves to know. This is why revenge always ends up being a destructive act. What did this do for you? You get to tell him something that will hurt, and you hurt from your act. I don't believe your desired outcome for having revenge was reached.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): -uvisntezy413,in my opinion you should tell him. reason being is that if you really love him as much as you say you do and he loves you the same way than, one, you shouldnt keep secrets from him and two, it is something that can be discussed and worked out. i know i sound crazy saying that but ive been in the same situation with my gf. to help ill tell one of my personal stories so you can get an idea from where im coming from. she had a run in with a guy she had a crush on in highschool and did stuff with him and she told me everything that happened because she fealt terrible. she tld me she loved me with all her heart and if she could she would go back in time to change the mistake she had made. me being a guy i flew into a blind rage and stormed off. over the next couple of days i thought about what she told me and came to the conclusion that she regreted what she did and had the guts to tell me what she did because she loves me and dousnt want to keep anything from me. i later talked to her about how much it hurt and how i couldnt believe she would do such a thing, to a person she says she loves the most. BUT i asked if she truly regretted what she did and if she really did love me and she said yes to both. so i gave her a second chance and told her if it was ever to happen again we would surely break up.ive been dating the same girl for almost two years now and she has made me the happiest guy in the world.pretty much just be honest with him. tell him how you feel about what happened and if he truly does love you he will understand and take you back. its better than having a guilty conscious your whole life.hope this helps :) -infamous
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A
female
reader, Heartbroken-xx +, writes (9 July 2009):
You either tell him and hurt him, and possibilty hurt your relationship, or you can not tell him and feel guilty.it sounds like a lose lose situation, either way you are hurt in the end.do you think you guys are strong enough to work past it? and are you REALLY sorry? remember that drinking is not an excuse - unless you are completely blacked out and dont remember what happened. other wise you can usually control your actions.ALSO - you can not 'accidently' hook up with somebody. you either did it or not.if i were you i would still tell my boyfriend though, let him hear your side, and tell him you are sorry. he may forgive you but there will probably be a lack of trust and you will probably have to prove yourself.if he breaks it off - you cant blame him. it is what it is, and youll have to call it a day.good luckxxx
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 July 2009):
 What would you want him to do if the roles were reversed? Would you want to know he'd deliberately hooked up with another girl to get revenge on you? Isn't that the point of revenge, to make the other person miserable?
One more question: were you two technically split up or were you just in a fight when you "hooked up" with this other guy? Okay, one more: what does "hooking up" mean in this context?
I think you need to figure out what the potential ramifications of each scenario will be. I think you must have been very angry to do what you did; perhaps this is just a sign that your relationship has some undiscussed issues that you have to deal with. In some cases, and I used to be like this, you can passive-aggressively set up a situation so that he ends the relationship, rather than you working up the courage to do it yourself. My strategy (which was completely subconscious as well as idiotic) was to engineer situations where he would get so angry with me that he felt unloved, disrespected, so much so that he would split up with me. I was vaguely unhappy in the relationship but I couldn'tput my finger on why, and certainly couldn't admit to myself that this "wonderful" guy was actually a bit of a jerk and that I became an awful person myself. We were bad together.
I'm not saying that's the case here, but think more about WHY you did what you did first, before you decide what to do with him.
Good luck.
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