A
female
age
36-40,
*ichellexptc1984
writes:My husband said to me when I came in from work yesterday "Sit down. We need to talk, this is important!"I was surprised at how open he was being, previous partners I'd had were never this open.He admitted to me he'd slept with another woman for the past 5 weeks. He said it was a lesbian friend of his; and said they got drunk one night but she enjoyed the sex so much they carried on with it.Unfortunately for my husband, the guilt was still there he told her "No!" but she is still chasing him, he told me.He has been repeatedly asking for forgiveness, and self-harming as well over it with razors and over-eating to try and cope with it.I want help with this situation; I can't cope.I'm glad my husband admitted it to me, and don't know where to go next from here.Michelle
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): wow, blame shofting.....even you are now feeling guilty for his cheating........wait a minute, something is wrong with this, isn't it. please do not be fooled into this guilt trip your hb is on. he messed up, he betrayed you and he is using his "self harming and over eating" as an excuse. he cheated on you and he got away with it, if you let him get away with more lies, then you only have yourself to blame. he is not man enough to admit his cheating ways, and he blames the other woman for his affair. speaks volumes of him, doesn't it. guilt , what guilt. he enjoyed it the first time, he contined to f*ck around for times thereafter.
michelle, yes you love your hb but it is time to be realistic. your hb had sex with some one else, not once but a few times. strange how he is now the "victim". he is emotionally maniplating you, such a drama queen. please see through his guiltantics. you were fooled once by him, don't be a fool anymore. how can you trust what he says now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): Don't be guilted into forgiving your husband by his over eating and self harming! You need to decide whether YOU can live with what he's done and whether you can rebuild the trust between you.
Also blaming the other woman is very easy, but he is his own person with his own mind! He could have said no! Don't shift the blame onto the other woman for this; even if she did all the chasing (which I've got to be honest I'm not sure I totally buy) he should have had enough respect in the vows he made to you to say no!!!
I suggest a break; so you can get your head together without having to deal with his guilt and reactions to this. The guilt is his issue, don't make it yours. Also why did he tell you? He may have been under pressure from a third party so his admission may not have been as innocent and guilt ridden as you first thought...
Think about what you want, what you can forgive and what you think you deserve going forward - it may be that you can forgive; it may be that you feel you can't. Look to your heart - you will know deep down.
If you decide to forgive, counselling is a must and remember if he does it again he can NEVER be trusted.
Good luck.xx
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (11 July 2009):
 Recommend counseling, you and he separate then you two together. Self harm is a drastic method of coping with a situation, especially as an adult. Working with many people who have cheated and been cheated on, self harm is a rare method of coping with the guilt, and a dangerous one.
He knows what he did was wrong, but he doesn't seem to be able to properly process guilty feelings to begin healing and moving on. Counseling would be the best option to begin.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): Your husband is self-harming as he can't find a logical way to express his guilt. Go and see your GP for help and contact RELATE for couples counselling to help you both come to terms with his infidelity.
Hope this helps!
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