A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i kinda got raped. i cant explain but i can try. i was drunk. i passed out , was consantly throwing up, but continued drinking. he carried me into his room. i was awake, i didntr say no but i didnt say yes either. im 16 and he is 22. my parents found oout, just like everyone else, and they are sueing. is there anything i can do or say to make them not sue?
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female
reader, busy04 +, writes (20 July 2009):
 There is no such thing as "kinda got raped", you were or you weren't, you were aware enough to know that he carried you in the bedroom...then you know exactly what happened, a woman KNOWS when she's been violated(trust me, I know from experience). My advice to you is to be more careful, stop drinking irresponsibly & be more aware.
If in your state the age difference is illegal, he's in trouble anyway! And even if you didn't tell that coward "no", you still didn't tell him "yes"! Let your parents press charges, but suing will get them much of nothing.
However...if you did "willingly" get with the young man, speak up & don't let his life be ruined because of your silence!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): You should stop irresponsibly drinking.. You want to have sex when u are ready and prepared because if not.. u may have a baby... and that will ruin ur chances of going to college and ur dream job..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): Sounds like ur in a little bit of a problem.. I think u shood let them sue him because it wasnt ur fault i wood stop drinking irresponsibly if i were you..! It could happen again and next time you may get pregnant!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): To know if it was statutory rape we have to know what state you live in. It varies between 14 and 18 years of age in different states. Most states are 16, so it was most likely not statutory rape, but it does depend on which state you live in. To repeat to those who insist this is statutory rape, the age of consent is 16 or younger in 30 of our 50 states. Here is the info by state (and country):
http://www.avert.org/age-of-consent.htm
I also don't understand the suing thing. What are they suing for? If you are in one of the 20 states where the age of consent is over 16 then I can understand them pressing criminal charges, but not suing. Whether it was rape is in a gray area in my mind. It was your decision to get drunk and you didn't say no. There is no requirement to specifically say yes to sex. The requirement is that it is rape if you say no or struggle. If you were unconscious then it would also probably be classified as rape, as you cannot have the chance to say no. He took advantage of you and that is probably all that he did, unless you live in one of the states where the age of consent is over 16.
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A
female
reader, babymama99 +, writes (12 July 2009):
 You are under the age of 18, he is over the age of 18. That makes you a minor and him an adult. That is statutory rape. Your parents have the right to have him up on criminal charges, even if you were completely sober and willingly consented.
I'm not sure what you mean by sueing him; do they want money?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): oh and ps i'm a law student.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): It is rape, as you were not fully consenting and he took advantage of your situation. I think you'll find that the fact that you were drunk isn't going to aid your position as you made the choice to get drunk and now being of a consenting age you are responsible for your well being associated with the choices you make. Hope all is well, and it resolves eventually
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (12 July 2009):
I don't think you were raped but I think he did take advantage of you, but it is statutory rape. So your parents have every right to press charges. He's an adult, he shouldn't be having sex with 16 year olds and he needs to be taught a lesson.
Don't lie about anything. If you lied to him about your age, then that's something you should feel bad about and would need to come forward with.
Otherwise, your parents have every right to, to protect young girls from retards like that dude. Do you not want your parents to do anything about it because you're embarrassed?
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A
female
reader, littlest.devil  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 Yes, TECHNICALLY it is rape because you are underage and he is not. It is called statutory rape when a person underage has sex with a person over the age limit. But since you did not refuse him in a sense it isn't rape either. I know this is a very emotional and confusing time but even if you feel that he did not rape you, he is 22 and you are 16. A 22 yr old , under any circumstances, should not be having sex with 16 yr olds ESPECAILLY when that said 16 yr old is drunk!It is very wrong for him to be going after people your age. Think about it his way, you didn't say "hey lets go to your room" he carried you there, when you were throwing up drunk. If you don't want to sue I understand because it is completley up to you. But I do not think your parents are "money hungry" they love you and if my daughter was taken advantage of when she was drunk, especailly if she was underage, I would do anything I could to make that s.o.b pay for it.I hope you never have to go through something like this again and if you are unsure whether he raped you or not, that is never a good sign, if a small part of you didn't want it, and it happened it isn't right.Good Luck with everything ?
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A
male
reader, madangle009  +, writes (12 July 2009):
I think you shoud take the person to court... i know it wont reduce your pain but will atleast teach the guy the lesson..and will save in may other girls like you suffered..
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (12 July 2009):
 Suing or pursuing charges? I hope it's the later because suing him just makes them look like they're hungry for money. But the state in which you were in, that is defined as rape in many cases regardless if you said yes or no because you were not in the state to give consent. and even in some states, him being 22 and you 16 can bring him up on charges as well.
Personally, I think you'd be right in bringing charges on this guy and you shouldn't feel any shame at all about it regardless if you got irresponsibly drunk.. He was irresponsible by taking advantage of your drunken state. Your mistake does not make his actions excusable.
But if you don't want to bring this up in court, then just tell your parents that you don't want to drag this any further But I would recommend that you should talk to a counselor about this and go from there. You should not be feeling any shame if you do go ahead and bring charges..
here's a few links for you.
http://www.rainn.org
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/help/rape.htm
But I would recommend talking to someone further about this..
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (12 July 2009):
 Why don't you want your parents to sue?
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (12 July 2009):
 Either you were raped or you were not raped. Which is it. There is no "kinda" or "sorta" when it comes to being raped. Also, at his age, most states will charge with statutory rape, even if it were to be okay with you.
My daughter, who's 15 asked, the state you were in, throwing up and continuing drinking, are you sure you remember if you said yes or no? This level of intoxication causes an individual, even an adult to bounce from being conscious and unconscious. The couple of times I'd been at that level, I couldn't remember where I parked my car.
If you really don't want charges to be filed, I'd tell them "You're angry, understandable, but filing charges will cause our family and myself much more pain than its worth pursuing."
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A
female
reader, we-are-nowhere  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 And why exactly do yo want them not to sue? You started this with - I kinds got raped ?- there is no kinds you either did or you didn't and this is a future of a human being, if he did rape you then he deserves it if not then speak up. Your post doesn't make it clear and only you know anyway.
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