A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does online relationship really work??Hello everyone.First of all I really want American guys and not guys from our country because I love tall and white guys.I met this guy on an chatting site and he is a marine in Japan. I will prefer call him James. We've been chatting for 3 months and we had a relationship. We always talked mostly every night. His very sweet and he really cared about me. He wants me to be there or take a vacation to see him. He told me he will pay my plane ticket but i refused because I still have my studies here and my parents won't agree of that. I really want to but I just can't cause of my studies here.One time I'm with my sister while we are talking on cam. Then he asked me if my sister is single because he has a buddy named Francis who is single also. So he gave my aim on his buddy to talk to my sister because my sister doesn't have an aim. As time goes by his buddy and me are chatting because my sister doesn't have a Computer and she’s far from me so they can't talk. Then his buddy told me that he loves me but I told him I don't want it cause I'm really in love with James. Every time I got a problem of James I'm talking to Francis. His sweet and very nice to me. So honestly I like him but I don't want it because I know I'm crazy in love with James. But James has a power over me, he is very demanding and he got what he wants. I'm still very nice even I'm losing my patience because I really do believe that we will meet someday and be together. I’m so attached to him and imagining myself with him. So I trusted him a lot. Every now and then I’m checking his facebook profile because I’m so paranoid.One day he sent a message to me. He told me that we can’t make it anymore because someone’s from states called her and he told me he likes this girl and he really want to marry this girl. Oh my God I felt what is this? He is just joking. I cried and cried and cried but I have nothing else to do. He is too far from me and I know I’m just dreaming to have him. But I found out that it was his ex girlfriend and he wants to marry that girl. He asked me if I can share with them. He is taken me as their housemaid but I refuse. I’m studying to be a nurse not to be a housemaid. Well deep inside my heart I want to accept it but hell no. I have also my pride.So everything is down and I was so down and heartbroken. Then Francis is talking to me and he is insisting his self to me. But I don’t care about him even though he loves me and always been there for me. Even James told me to know Francis because he is a very nice man. But I refuse because I really love James. Francis told me that James is treating me an asshole and he doesn’t respect me most of the time. Francis was very patient waiting for me even though I told him I don’t care about you I don’t love you, were just friends and anything that hurt him so he will stop talking to me. But I know I like him and love him just a lil bit. I was so down that time so all of my heart aches and anger was pushed towards him but still he is so nice. He told me he will come here and he bought a webcam just for me. James keeps on pushing me towards Francis, talk to him he is very nice not like me I’m an asshole..So okay I gave him a chance to know each other better but you know what happened to me? I started falling in love in him. I was wrong, he is nice and sweet. So we talked and talked and know each other better. Then I forgot about James and started loving Francis as my man. I was amazed cause his trying to learned about my language. He offered to send emergency money to me but I refused. I don’t like it and I don’t want him to think that I’m like other girls there that who wants material things and money from foreign guys. I love him and I really regretted of being so blind. I really realized that I was ignoring the guy I really like for a guy that is just using me.So Francis and I keep talking and talking. He told me he is not like James. Yeah I proved that already. He is an only son and doesn’t know who his father is. He is isolated while his buddies are having fun. Work to room and room to work his daily routine. He told me doesn’t want to waste and spend his money. He doesn’t smoke and drink. But he always wants to see my body. He told me I could be a perfect wife. He told me he will be over here to be with me because he is done on military in 3 months. So it will be by October. But last few weeks I think he changed a lot. Maybe James told him that I talk to James last night about him. I was just asking about him and nothing else. Then he confronted me that he heard that we talked and he told me why I should go back to James and go date him. He is so cold and don’t have time to talk to me anymore. I don’t know what is happening to him but I really can feel that he is staying away from me maybe. I’m ignoring this idea on my mind and believing that he will come here. He is busy for watching movies and losing his weight. Well don’t know if its try or not.I am very suspicious girl and think different negative things about my man. It just started when he told me that he broke his cam. He spilled water on it that’s why I don’t see him on cam for a week now. But I do understand because I really love him. We barely talk and he is kinda nonsense and he is not sweet anymore.So here is my questions:\Is it right to trust him that he will be coming over here?I’m thinking sometimes that he is taking a revenge over me because before I was pushing him away from me and now I love him and I think maybe he is just playing with me.What am I gonna do? Confront him about my bad feelings about him?I’m so worried because I’m afraid that one day he will tell me that we were over like James did.Thank for you time for reading this guys. I’m still practicing my good English grammar so I’m hoping that you will understand what I’m talking about. And hopefully somebody could give me a good advice to this problem of mine.
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ex girlfriend, facebook, heartbroken, his ex, military, money, revenge Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): If I am right, this question had been posted yesterday and has an answer from one of our female aunts.Anyway, as you see we come from the same country. This story is not uncommon, right? I have to agree with RCN, I believe this guy is not serious. I know you are sincere but truly guys like them don't deserve your love at all. If you are determined to find your ideal guy, as you say you like a tall white guy, i suggest you try again. There is someone out there who will return the same degree of seriousness and affection to you. Please, stop and block these 2 guys in your list.And just a piece of advise, NEVER ever show anything other than your face on webcam. From my experience, once a guy asks me to show him anything below my neck..he is automatically blocked!! From this point you can easily see what their motives are. Besides, you don't even know..while you are showing him a private part..maybe some 100 men are with him in the room.If you are looking for something serious, be serious yourself. Refuse any request of showing your private part and if they show less interest after your refusal...it just shows their interest is too shallow and just want you for fun. I believe you can find one guy who is not into this. There are lots of them out there but pick the right dating site to get more favorable results.Again, forget about these 2 guys. You don't deserve them at all.Goodluck to you and may you find your ideal guy soon.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (10 July 2009):
 Your English was really good. I'm not sure if it's for revenge, but I believe you are being played. Going from one friend to the next friend, what makes you think they didn't know what the other one was up to the whole time? Housemaid???? What's with that request? And, even if a sincere offer, why would he make it, knowing you're studying for your career? I consider that rude and absolutely disrespectful.
I really don't see this relationship turning out okay for you. There are nice guys out there who'd be honored to be with you, but these two I don't see doing that. There are people who are just mean and play little games and it doesn't sound like these two care that this is hurting you.
Let me ask you. How long are you with them before showing your body, if you have with these guys? I'd recommend waiting a while to know if they are true or not. Also, stay away from those who are real demanding. You are not property and should not be that way.
I hope this helps. Take care and good luck to you.
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