A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been struck by the womanizers arrow. I am so pinned up against the wall I feel my whole mind has been taken hostage. I am so angry at myself! Were both married. Obviously he led me to believe he was the victim of no sex in his marriage which causes him to look for sex elsewhere. So we had an affair. Told me I was special, just the other day I found out there are more of us. I know having the affair in the first place is wrong on both parts. Apparently he's had multiple affairs. Now he's asking me to consider having a FFM threesome with him, which I said I am jealous, and he told me to get over it! I am so angry at myself, do I really have that much low self esteem?
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affair, jealous, self esteem, threesome, womaniser Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 Yes you do. But you can still leave with some dignity in tack if you go now. Then I would recommend you consider marriage counseling because this guy may have hooked you with the no sex marriage line, but what's your excuse? If you have any feelings for your husband at all, you should focus your energies there. It's alot less painful and could be productive. You leanred a lesson. That's okay. Move on don't back up. Now you know what's out there!!
A
female
reader, Jayney Y +, writes (15 July 2009):
 I would ask myself why I was having an affair in the first place. Sounds like you don't have a good marriage and the last thing you need is to get involved with another person who makes you unhappy. Can you do anything about your marriage? If not, maybe start to think about your own happiness and what you need from a relationship, and do something about your self esteem before you go getting yourself into bad situations that just bring you lower.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 You are angry at yourself, because the man you are having an affair with has had lots of affairs? Why are you having an affair in the first place? Because he told you that you are special? What is the problem with your marriage?Whatever this man has done or hasn't done, whatever he asks is not the issue. YOUR AFFAIR is the issue. You act like it's ok for you to cheat on your husband, but not ok for your extra-marital lover to cheat on you. Double standards here?We don't know why you decided to cheat on your husband, but there is never any real good reason. You need to work on your marriage. If you think that you can't, tell your husband, walk away, and carry on with your lover. To be honest, you are no more than a sexual object to him though. I would work at your marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): ok going into an affair open eyed can you really expect that you will be the only one he is seeing? dont forget that you yourself are married so your not exactly whiter than white here, i wouldnt put all your love and trust into this man he has and will have more lovers, and if you go ahead and do the threesome to please him only, you will regret it.id get rid of him work on your marriage or find another lover, hes not a guy you want to spend any time on.imseeing a married man and we both agreed at the start that we would prob see others as well, its kind of expected, you wont change the guy he is who he is and has been doing that a long time before you came along,, just be glad your not the wife and nieve to it all
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 The issue here should be about you having an affair, not about how many affairs the one you're having an affair with is having. So what if there is one or a hundred. The truth here is you're not with the person you are married to. Two people having and affair do not have any commitment to each other, so what the other does, is not important.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (15 July 2009):
Well what about your husband? Are you still married to him? Honestly, what did you expect though? Either male or female, a person who cheats on their spouse isn't really trustworthy. I don't know what your story is for why you've cheated on your husband, but a man that is married who is cheating usually will never leave his wife AND isn't devoting himself to just one other woman.
I think that yes, you do have low self esteem. But have you tried resolving the issues that you have with your husband? Does he know you've cheated on him? Having low self esteem can always be fixed, you just have to find it within yourself to make yourself a stronger person and know what you are worth. Your marriage though, is something you may not be able to fix--you should also be worried about that.
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