A
female
age
30-35,
*haniquas3
writes:please help me..ok i am 16 years old and my mom is very physically abusive and verbally abusive towards me.i have been in state custody once because i reported her.i was in state custody for 7 mths and i loved it my foster parents were great.well somehow i got put back with my mom and about 4 years later she was doing the same thing and i reported her again and the dcs workers didnt believe me and thought i was lying on her when i really wasnt.well anyways my mom always hits me and hits me and constantly puts me down on a daily basis and one day i got tired of it so i FOUGHT her back.and she put me out of her house,she sent me to go live in my grandma's little house that already has 5 ppl living in there.my grandma being the wonderful lady she is accepted me.and my mom told me she hated me and i was so disrespectful for hitting her and she didn't want me back in her house ever again..so i was ok with that.so i called my dad and asked can i live with him and he said yes.now my mom always says shes gonna put me out and i cant live with my dad for some reason like she just doesn't want me living with him at all.but anyways he said yes and i got my own bedroom..and one day my mom just calls and tells me she doesnt want me living with my dad and im coming back home and if i dont she is going to call the police.and the question is im really happy here with my dad,he doesnt hit me and scream at me and he treats me like a human being how do i continue staying with him????why do you think my mom does this stuff????cant when you are 16,choose which parent you want to live with???and will some one please tell me what you would do in this situation???and can someone just give me words of wisdom please it would really help.thank you:)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2009): My mom has 8 kids and out of the 8 kids I am the one she doesn't like for no reason at all. I am a grown woman now with a kid of my own. Guess what, keep the faith and do what you have to do. Report her, get your dad on your side, continue telling the truth and her lies will sink her. I am praying for you. Keep the faith. Sometimes they NEVER change. Sometimes they envy you at a young age and you never know. Make sure you go to school and get yourself a good education. No one can take that away from you.
A
female
reader, shaniquas3 +, writes (15 July 2009):
shaniquas3 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to think u guys for all the good advice. You all have really helped me. I have made the choice to stay with my dad. And i live in tennessee by the way. . And thanks again
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A
female
reader, ugh101 +, writes (15 July 2009):
 If she tries to pull you back. She may be able to. But also there may be a custody battle if your dad rlly wants you. But since you mom was abusive and you had been put in the states care for a while your dad would have a better chance.
And remember that your mom has a problem. Wheather it was something that happend in her past or just a mental condition, or feeling lke that is how she has to put you down to feel good(just lke a bully).
Good LuckXX
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 July 2009):
 Stay with your dad, you're much better off there. What state do you live in? I'd be happy to look up the law. Some states you can move out without parental permission.
You need to know that this is not at all your fault. How your mom treats you is something wrong with her and not that you'd done anything.
If you're in a state that requires a judge to sign off on this change, I'd recommend an "emergency custody order." I don't believe any judge would put your back with your mom, under these circumstances.
I'd have to say your mom has severe mental issues. The only way to know which issues are causing her treating you this way, she'd have to seek treatment, but from the sounds of it, she's content with treating people bad, so I doubt she's going to run out and do so.
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A
male
reader, vba67 +, writes (15 July 2009):
Sorry for the emotional and physical abuse you have suffered from your mom. You need to sit down and discuss the situation with your dad about the physical and emotional abuse at the hands of your mother (Just tell him the things that are going on with you and your mom - FACTS ONLY). It sounds as if your father is providing a stable environment for you to live in. He would have to legally fight for full custody of you from your mom. Yes, he would have to get a lawyer to solve this particular problem.
Also, depending on the state, some children have been allowed to divorce a parent. Do some research on the internet about divorcing your parents, it may give you some ideas. The questions you asked in this letter can also be googled to see what information may be of assistance to you. Remember, your father has the most power in this situation. With your mom's history of abuse, he should be the parent who is most likely able to provide a stable environment for you. So, he could apply for full custody. Just sit down and talk with him.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 I don't think your mother will call the police because it would provide an opportunity for you to explain the situation to them and get her into trouble. She is resentful of losing 'control' over you now that you live with your father. Control is central to her abusive behaviour. You are of an age where you should have a say over where you live. She would have to involve the family courts to force you to live with her. If your father is happy for the arrangement to continue then he should step in on your behalf to stop your mother harrassing you. I definitely think you need to stay where you are. If the police do visit then you can put your side of the story and when they see you are living with a responsible parent then they are not going to take any action. Remember in 2 years, you will be an adult who is free to make whatever choices you want and until that time stick with your Dad!
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A
female
reader, AK2009 +, writes (15 July 2009):
You need to keep strong, and tell her you want to stay with your dad, and he should try and work to keep you too. You already reported your mum once, and you need to keep doing it. Keep a list of everything she says, or does, that hurts or upsets you from now on, and that should be shown to anyone who tries to get you to go back. I don't know what the laws etc are in the US but at 16 you can make an informed decision
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