A
male
age
30-35,
*nfamous
writes:okay so i have been with my girlfriend for two years now and in the beggining i was the complete shy, nerdy guy that would never dream about getting angry at her. no matter how mad she made me i wouldnt show it and i would just bottle it up so i wouldnt upset her by doing something stupid. i hate more than anything to be angry at anybody so my whole life i have always held myself back, i have been known by a few people that i have explosive anger but thats only happened to me like once every couple years. but a few months ago i have just had a really short fuse and i would just randomly blow up on her if she was angry at me and i would make her cry. the worst part is that while she's crying i would keep yelling at her because i wouldnt want to hear how im such a dick.please please please dont think im a bad guy because i love my girlfriend with every little bit of me and it tears away at me for all the times ive made her so sad for me getting instantly mad for little things. she has told me she wishes i was the same way i used to be and that she wonders if it is her fault for me getting so angry so quickly. i always tell her its not her fault because it isnt, its mine because i cant control my anger.ive tried breathing excersizes or counting to ten or just thinking of all the happy times me and my girlfriend have but they dont work.so my question is how can i control my anger without going to anger management.any info would be great because im planning to be with this girl for the rest of my life and i dont want my anger and stupidity to get in the way of that. i really dont want to lose this girl.
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male
reader, infamous +, writes (14 July 2009):
infamous is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust to let people know im 18. well back when everything was okay i would just bottle my anger. people have told me that its not good for me to bottle my anger because it just comes out later on, and i have been known to have extremely bad explosive anger once every three or four months. so bad i wouldnt care who i hurt. one thing is that my girlfriend is also known for her really bad tenper so sometimes its hard to bring up some subjects in fear of her getting mad at me.
A
female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (13 July 2009):
Often behind anger can be hurt. It is wise to either write, talk to someone or go for a long walk so you can reflect as to what you think is behind it. I have heard that anger management doesn't work because it only suppresses the anger more.
I think your anger is trying to tell you something and it would be wise to listen to it. Strong emotions don't happen for no reason and they are a guide to something deeper.
Your anger can be a gift to you if you listen to it.
I know that this may seem strange, yet the movie anger management although a comedy has some interestng points in it. Adam Sandler is your typical passive aggressive and it sounds as if you may be too.
It's great that you are taking responsibility for it and not blaming your girlfriend. I'm sure you will get to the bottom of it.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): Well from a female ponit of view. Try to sit down and talk to your girlfriend, talk to her about why ur so mad lately and you scream at her. My anger is harming my relationship with my girlfriend. Yes Im Gay..but sit down make her dinner and just talk in a clam voice and if u get mad just sit there and dont get mad when she is talking
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): Going to an anger managment it wont be enough. You don't say how old are you, but seems to me you are having a chemical unbalance problem; is something common that sometimes happened for many reazons:age, stress,etc. Don't get scare, because you already started with your healing accepting that you have an anger problem. Don't worry about your girlfriend, talk to her and may she will go with you to see your doctor, she will be a great support for you because I'm sure that she will gladly do what ever you ask her seeing that you want to get better for her; it will become a bounding experience that will tighten your relationship.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (13 July 2009):
 Can't control it, or you choose not to? Your anger has nothing to do with the little things you get angry about. It has to do with how you react based on how you view the little things. Your perception is how you view your reality. If you want to cut back on being angry, change your view. Why can't it be the way it use to be? I'd spend some time finding out what was different then, compared to now. By doing so, you may find the key to why you become angry now, where you did not then.
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