A
female
age
36-40,
*ngelmov22
writes:Please no negative comments. I'm simply asking for thoughts. I need to start off with my dating history so you guys can fully understand. My 1st serious relationship was in high school. I was 14 and he was 17. So freshman and senior. Before that i had a boyfriend on and off in 8th grade for 4 months and then when i entered high school i dated someone for 3 weeks in dec. Feb, when was when i dated the senior. I dated him for 3 years after that and broke up with him at the end of my senior year. I thought he was the one for me. but toward the end, i started falling for my best friend. while me and the senior were together, even though i loved him dearly, i still liked other people, but never cheated. I'm not like that. I just let me mind wander. So senior year i ended it partly because i fell for my best friend, and he is a year younger than me. Then 2 weeks after i broke up with the 3 year guy, i dated another guy who was a year younger that lasted a year. I also thought he was my soul mate. He made me feel like i was in a dream, everything was passionate and fantasy like, but as the same time, i still had feelings for my best friend. My year guy was a manipulator and everyone hated him. He never said bad things to me, but he manipulated me. after we broke up, i was hopelessly in love with that same best friend for the next 3 years, but nothing came of it. I too thought he was my one soul mate. After i broke up with my one year, i was single for 2 years until i met my current boyfriend. I was 21. He is everything i have ever wanted. He treats me well, we talk about so much stuff, i tell him about any problems i'm having. Our physical relationship is good too. He is a combination of my 2 serious relationships i mentions previously. I can see a future with him. But I don't feel that love like i did with my other two. It's not overwhelming. Mostly i feel like he is my best friend. It's just, I've said "I love you" too many times and thought 3 people in the past where my soul mate and when i finally find someone who could be, i don't feel it. I'm 22 now. We have been dating for a little over a year. I just don't know how to feel now, if what im feeling is real or normal. I want this to be it for me, truly. I just want him to be happy and I want to have a deep love with him that i can see us having. He encourages me in whatever I do. What is the matter with me? I found love at an early age and now that i'm older, i have no clue as to what love is or if what im feeling is love. If anyone has any advice, please post. Sorry this is long. Thanks for reading :)
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best friend, broke up, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Angelmov,
Thanks for writing back! It is the reward we get for answering questions. It is also nice to know we were on the right track. Your question was one of the most fun answers I have written, because your future looks so bright.
FA
A
female
reader, Angelmov22 +, writes (16 July 2009):
Angelmov22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell to answer the first response, I ended both relationships. The first one, because i actually started like my second ex which prompted me to break it off with my first. Plus I dated him for 3 years and wanted to explore. I ended the second one because i realized I was still in love with my best friend. Thank you guys for the wonderful comments. I just thought you would still feel "in love" but thanks!!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 July 2009):
 RELEASE YOUR PAST!!!!!!!!!! He's a combination of the two you loved before???? NO he's his own person, and shouldn't be compared to anyone other than himself. You understand what "red flags" are. Mental blocks that protect us, but also cause issues with future relationships. An example would be, being cheated on. You get with someone else, who's not cheating, but our brain doesn't separate those who are from those who aren't. You start loving that person, but the red flags will only allow you to grow your love for them as far as your love for the other person who cheated on you was. This is because, going further, your brain associates with danger.
You didn't give to much about how the past relationships ended, but with any break up there is a certain level of pain associated with it. From the information you gave, I believe your true feelings can't be felt unless you remove blocks that are emotionally preventing you from progressing. So, anyone who's hurt you in the past, you need to forgive. You also need to forgive yourself, if you've caused anyone pain. When I did this, I used this statement, "I forgive you, not because you deserve it, but because I deserve to live without what you did affecting my life." You can do this within yourself, or as I did, I called my ex's and did it over the phone. Although they had excuses, I felt this weight lifted, and I was literally flooded with emotions I didn't know I could feel.
It really is true about forgiveness being a major key to happiness. I wish you luck, and hope this is the one you've been waiting for. Take care.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (15 July 2009):
Congratulations, I read through your letter reading all the "I" statements. Thinking to myself all along, she is right she doesn't know what love is. Then, pow! right at the end came this gem, "I just want him to be happy". That is it girl, that is the definition of true love. When you care more about another persons happiness than your own. This is not rockets to the moon love, this is forever together love.
And that's not even the best part, this is: "It's not overwhelming. Mostly i feel like he is my best friend." Beautiful one line definition of the kind of love that lasts and last, that never wanders. How lucky you are to be in love with your best friend. Some people never in their whole life find a person of the opposite gender who is truly their best friend. I can see you both at 80 years old still best friends sitting on the porch together. Deep love is like a deep river, it doesn't move too fast on the surface, no exciting rapids, Just quiet majesty.
Again Congratulations, don't let him go.
FA
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