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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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I found an email written by my husband to his ex saying he wanted her bad!
Q. Couple of months ago I went online to pay my phone bill and I saw that me husband used like 230 text messages, I was wondering whom he is texting to, as he is not a big texter and it was to a same number. He was texting every single day and actually ...
A. 26 June 2009: He's going to continue contacting her as long as he's getting away with doing so. You'll need to bring it up to him. Ask him what his intentions are. Be honest with him, and let him know how you feel about this. You don't deserve for him to have ... (read in full...)
He's spent $50,000.00 on getting counseling..says he's addicted to it!
Q. I found out earlier this week via a fair few amounts of post that we're in debt and that my husband is the cause of it all. The credit crunch has nothing to do with it, my husband's spending habits are the cause but I had no idea what he had spent ...
A. 26 June 2009: I have to say this is the first time I've come across someone who's addicted to counseling. Most addicts, counseling is recommended. What to do when the addiction is the treatment for the addiction?
I don't believe "counseling" as the act of s... (read in full...)
How do you deal with the mother of your husband's child?
Q. Hi, i got married last year to a wonderfull men, He has a child with another women. Now we a planning to take the child to come and stay with us. Now my husband want us to go and have a meeting with the mother of his child to discuss arrangement, I ...
A. 26 June 2009: The most important part is to not seem as if your interfering with the relationship of the parents on behalf of the child. Be supportive. Let her know your interest in is the child's best interest too and that you are a good role model also.
You d... (read in full...)
Why does she go out late nights away from her husband?
Q. My wife seems to enjoy going out late at night alot. That's without me. I guess her so called friends are worth spending nights without me. The thing is, I really don't trust those people. On top of that, we're in a newer environment and she likes ...
A. 26 June 2009: Being a realist here, it's hard for me to believe someone orders a motel room for a friend, and gets paid back in cash, when motels accept cash as payment.
Why are you accepting this behavior as part of your marriage? Why is she plainly disr... (read in full...)
Will time heal and will his friends accept me?
Q. Im having kind of a hard time right now, and I dont know what to do. I dont even know what to think, really. I cheated on my boyfriend around five months ago. I made out with a guy and gave him a handjob. I was honest with my boyfriend and said I ...
A. 26 June 2009: I'm sure you understood, making out and giving a hand job is cheating when you did it. Time heals what you did for you and your boyfriend. That doesn't mean his family has to be so accepting. Adult are exposed to cheating much more than teens are. ... (read in full...)
Beautiful with a small chest...is this a problem (just asking)
Q. Beautiful with a small chest...is that a problem? Just asking because... I recently found out that my boyfriend of pretty much 4 years and the father of my child has a big breast porn fetish that he has been hiding for some time. When I leave, he...
A. 26 June 2009: keep the small chest, and tell him how you feel. you can't solve issues by keeping secrets. i know you're hurt by his fetish, but not telling him how you feel is hurting you as well. you don't need to mold yourself into someone else to please ... (read in full...)
My mother accused me of flirting with her friend! I was only being polite. What should I do/
Q. Tonight, before her going to bed, my mum accused me of flirting with her 55 year old male friend when he came over to dinner. She was drunk and called me a bitch and overall was completely irrational. I find it disturbing, disgusting and upsetting ...
A. 26 June 2009: I agree with the other poster. What I would like to know, if you could reply, is how your mom is when she's not drunk and how is your overall relationship with her?... (read in full...)
HOW do I get rid of this abuser once and for all?
Q. I need help on how to be strong and leave an abuser..An incident occured today where we were having an argument in his car. I was so fed up of hearing him say that he is going to move on and find him a new girl because he asked me a question whether ...
A. 26 June 2009: Let me tell you something. Yes, being a male, I was in a relationship with someone who has mental issues, which aggressive mental abuse was part of. My kids were witness to most of what had happened. I felt such relief when I ended it. Right now, as ... (read in full...)
How can he let everything go so easily when hes my world?
Q. dear cupid i have a problem, i have been trying to work things out with my ex boyfriend for a year and a half. we have just been on and off. he was my best friend for two years and romantic for the last year and a half so about four years he has b...
A. 26 June 2009: He's not you. It takes you longer because of the feelings attached to what you shared, and the direction you thought this would be going. I want you to know, it's never easy to loose someone. When it happens, you'll always have a place for them, ... (read in full...)
Who to pick? Do I split with my fiance and get with my best friend? Or do I stay with my fiance?
Q. I have been with my fiance for just over 6 and a half years now, we got engaged a year and a half ago, my whole family love him. we went through a rough patch a few monthes ago where my mum thought i was cheating on him with my best friend, but i ...
A. 26 June 2009: Who is the father of your kids? If he's active with your children, you can't just replace his position as father. You're done working on or attempting to have a good relationship with your fiance. If you stay with him, what would change? It seems as ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend's sexual performance normal?
Q. When my boyfriend and I have sex I never orgasm and rarely orgasm in foreplay I only have about twice and he's had to do it for 20minutes or more .. =S Also when we have sex he only takes about 5 minutes to come but he says he doesn't really f...
A. 26 June 2009: It's normal, you guys need to find ways to enjoy each other. ... (read in full...)
FWB got pregnant and wants to keep the baby
Q. Hello this girl and me decided to become FWB last october. We agreed to this no emotional attachments, well last week she told she was 6 weeks pregnant and wants the baby. we're both 28 and this would be the first for both of us. I don't know what ...
A. 20 June 2009: When you have a child, will you love that child? If so, that's the result that matters. You have a child coming. My recommendation is to be in his or her life, be a caring loving parent. That's it. How your baby came, now is not important, what is, ... (read in full...)
My sister wins contests all the time, broke up with my boyfriend, how do I feel better about things?
Q. I'm feeling very low. I broke up with my boyfriend last night. I feel very insecure about myself, especially since I've always been told I'm ugly. And now I feel stupid. My sister and I both participated in an essay contest. And she won! She always ...
A. 19 June 2009: You've already won. You will always be the best you that you can be. No one can beat you at that.
Be proud of who you are. Don't live your life in the shadow of others. Doing so leads to these disappointments. Going from now to comparing your mar... (read in full...)
I am white , my boyfriend is black, my family doesn't like it,, how do I change their attitude?
Q. i am confused i have a black boyfriend and i am white and my whole family dont like it and his family dont really care i dont know what to do ive been with him for almost 6 months. what can i do to make my family understand skin color dont matter?...
A. 19 June 2009: In most families it's not listening that causes the problem. Do you listen to your parents? Do you understand why they feel the way they do? If not, you can't ask the question on here because you provided no direction to understand where their ... (read in full...)
Took drugs and sleeping pills , was very abusive to her, not the first time, can I save this relationship?
Q. Hey, I'm wondering if you guys could help me out with something. I met this girl about a year ago. We started out as fwbs, but I decided I liked her more than that, like I thought I could fall in love with her, so we became a couple, but then she ...
A. 19 June 2009: I agree with the other poster. Let me tell you something. I work with abuse every day, people who are hurt, scared etc. One thing I have never done, and will never do is give advise to bring someone who left abuse back into an abusive situation.
... (read in full...)
My friend has a guy friend, who beats her up, cuts her, what can we do about this, she doesn't want to tell parents?
Q. I'm seriously worried about my friend, she was in what she thought was a non-commital relationship with someone. And then dumped him. He gave her a black eye. Yesterday, he met her while she was walking her dog and punched her and used a razor to ...
A. 19 June 2009: I'm a parent of mostly girls. I'm also against, not so much talking to boys, but sex kind of things at their age. I found where my 15 year old was having conversations adults have with a boy. I was disappointed, angry at the beginning, but now FEAR ... (read in full...)
How do I get my girl to trust me after lying and cheating on her?
Q. I have this girl that i been with for goin on 2 years as of sept 3rd and i made mistakes in my past like cheating and lying and i had recently cheated in april but im really done this time with playin with her i love her and want to be with her how ...
A. 19 June 2009: What goes through a mind in these situations is, "Why am I important to him now, where I wasn't before?" This can add confusion. It's like saying, "if he loves me, he wouldn't cheat."
How to gain her trust back? Your action. What you don't do... (read in full...)
She won't let what happened to me in the past go and now it's ruining our relationship!
Q. Reading an e-mail yesterday of a woman who wanted to know whether she should tell her husband about her cheating. Well maybe you guys out there may be able to help me. I have been with my partner for 6 years, 2 children 4 and 2. After the birth of ...
A. 17 June 2009: first let's clear something up. it happened because that's how you chose to deal with the situation. you have choices, and are responsible for the choices you make, so it's not because of her ignoring you, although that may be a motivator for making ... (read in full...)
He abused me physically and emotionally, yet I stood up for him!
Q. Hi, my ex boyfriend and I dated for a good seven months, (i just ended it yesterday) During our relationship I put up with ALOT of BS and I mean alot!! I need to know if what I put up was abuse at all physical or verbal. *sigh* where the heck d...
A. 17 June 2009: This is what you'd consider to be abuse. Even forcing his hand down your pants. Being boyfriend/girlfriend gives him no right to put his hand where you don't approve. Calling you names, being controlling with who you talk to and who you don't is a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is in jail and I slept with my ex
Q. Hi, I'm 18 and my boyfriend went to jail and I had sex with my ex boyfriend. He asked me and I told him everything.now he's having a problem trusting me again. What should I do to get him to trust me again ...
A. 16 June 2009: Can you expect to sleep with other people and have the trust remain the same as if it never happened? Being upset and lonely, as Samii stated is still not an excuse for cheating. If I were your boyfriend, and you used those excuses, I'd end it ... (read in full...)
I don't know whats wrong with me, I'm not in good health
Q. I have been on a roller coaster sense starting high school. I have had friend problems guy problems and of course more. Last december I got to the point that I felt so alone I cried every night. I have never had problems with making friends and get ...
A. 16 June 2009: Understand you are fully responsible for your behavior. No one else can cause or force you into doing what you have done. Also what you've done are actions, and they don't define who you are or who you'll become.
Most of what you have done, I see ... (read in full...)
I don't know whats wrong with me, I'm not in good health
Q. I have been on a roller coaster sense starting high school. I have had friend problems guy problems and of course more. Last december I got to the point that I felt so alone I cried every night. I have never had problems with making friends and get ...
A. 15 June 2009: First, before answering this question, I have a real simple rule when I give advice. That is, I can't give sufficient advice unless you're truthful.
I believe your story is, but your age range is not. In order to give you information that wil... (read in full...)
How can I get my BFF to place a restraining order against her lying, cheating, woman beating boyfriend?
Q. okay so my best friend from college called me at 3am crying because of her boyfriend was beating her up.. i had noticed a swollen lip and couple bruces in march.. she game me excuses okay what ev she dont wann tell me what ev... but now she told...
A. 15 June 2009: If she calls again the answer is, "duh, that's what happens when you're with someone who beats up women." Then simply tell her you'll call on her behalf. If she says not too, then tell her if he's not willing to do something, not to bring it up to ... (read in full...)
What do you do when the people who hurt you are your family?
Q. I'm getting so FREAKING frustrated.. I've had many many hurtful people in my life. I've gotten to the point, that as soon as someone hurts me really badly, they're gone.. i don't even want them in my life becuase i know that they only lead to more ...
A. 14 June 2009: Let me commend you on what you've done thus far. You've been through trauma's that a majority of us can't say we've personally experienced.
I see this post, not being about your family members, but about you. I see you as someone who's stuck in t... (read in full...)
I cheated, she met another man, should we stay together?
Q. My gal was a virgin when i met her and unfortunately i was too. I say unfortunately coz i had a fuck buddy sometime after i met her. After i broke up that really had a toll on her and i made up after realisin i made a mistake, about 3weeks after we ...
A. 13 June 2009: You two, if you're staying together need counseling. This cheating back and forth, and hiding secret contacts is not at all appropriate or OK for a long lasting loving relationship. You guys have really been treating each other bad. If you love each ... (read in full...)
I cant make up my mind!
Q. I can't make up my mind!!! I dated this guy for 4 years, nothing happened, we talked about marriage apparently only when he was drunk and feeling emotional. Anyways. I lost my job, he offered me one and now I am working for him making barely 1...
A. 13 June 2009: I'd recommend slowing down a bit. Quality, not quantity, and you'll find what you're looking for. Also, honesty with those you are with. Tell the guy who's giving you a ring you're not committing. If not, I really don't see this dating spree ending ... (read in full...)
My husband kept pressuring me for sex when I was depressed
Q. My mom recently died and so I been a bit depress lately. I stopped wanting to do anything sexual with my husband. He was really annoyed by it. He still kept pressuring me. Anyway he come home really wasted and he come behind me and played with my ...
A. 13 June 2009: Seems as if your love for your husband is missing. It's not as the other poster said, with lack of respect, although his actions were not proper either. I do agree with the other poster to file for divorce. Kicking him out to a motel shows you're ... (read in full...)
Leave the boyfriend? Is this an abusive relationship?
Q. Long story. Thank you for taking the time to read this! My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. When we first dated, I had just left an abusive relationship and eventually had to place a restraining order against my ex. I truly shou...
A. 13 June 2009: Let's agree first that verbal abuse is still considered domestic violence. In this relationship, why are you still trying when he is not? I highly recommend you end this relationship. Reason being, he's not giving you even the minimal respect you ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't love me anymore and it hurts so much
Q. Hi,there everyone. I am in so much agony and pain. My heart truly aches, I never thought that was actually possible, but it does. I have been married for almost 22 years. We have two teenagers and one five year old. About 8 months ago, my ...
A. 13 June 2009: If trying to repair your marriage, the first thing that has to happen is both of you fully agree that's what you want. If you have one who wants to repair and the other one who already considers it over, you won't be able to fix it.
Your husband ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for wanting to finalize things or should I give him another chance?
Q. Married 27yrs, together for 29yrs. I have been unhappy for many years. Not because he is bad, just because I think I married him for the wrong reasons. I recently moved out because I finally decided life is too short to be unhappy. Now, I'm ...
A. 13 June 2009: You're not wrong, you deserve to be happy. Also, your not wrong for possibly giving it another shot. Marriage is a design. It's not just saying "I do" and watch it go on auto pilot. Isn't it true that your unhappiness may not be do to who you're ... (read in full...)
Should I call her? Or just write a note?
Q. Well, I gave this girl I like two notes, she didn't respond to any of them, and then I started shouting "DEVIN I LOVE YOU!" in hallways, and she told a teacher 'cause kids were teasing her about it and she was really upset. I feel really bad about ...
A. 13 June 2009: to tell a girl you like her, you went about this the wrong way. people are making fun of her, cause the way you went about this too. Legally, you're on the border of harassment and stalking. So, other contact with her can be seen as an illegal act. ... (read in full...)
I'm insecure and need reassurance from my boyfriend
Q. My boyfriend and i haven't been together very long but i sent him a text yday saying I didn't feel like he really cared for me like he used to. To this i got no reply so today i sent him a text asking him for his address so i could send his stuff ...
A. 12 June 2009: You want to call him? Why so he can keep treating you less than you deserve to be treated? There is someone out there waiting for you, but you're not going to find him chasing after the wrong person.
Now, starting tomorrow, when you get up and g... (read in full...)
Is it reasonable that I'm upset because my husband doesn't know why he's impotent, and the doctor doesn't either?
Q. [Mod note: Assume this is a female poster for the purposes of answering.] How common is that ,when a man becomes impotent with their wife, they can't tell why? My husband does not know why, and he went to doctor and the doctor says he has no medic...
A. 12 June 2009: You went to the doctor, with no medical cause. How about a psychologist to check for mental causes of not being able to get it up. Stress, depression, anxiety etc. can all take a tole on ability to have sex. That's what I'd recommend. Quite often ... (read in full...)
Nagging suspicion that my fiance is cheating
Q. I always have a nagging suspicion my fiance is cheating. Only talks on phone and texts when I'm not around never do I see her use her phone but she always needs minutes. Her days are spent on myspace cause she works nights. She gets angry if I ...
A. 11 June 2009: Sounds like your feelings are correct. I know you don't want to falsely accuse, cause then it seems as if there is no trust. Personally, I'd look up and download a free hidden keylogger. Not to be invading privacy, but to confirm your suspicions. It ... (read in full...)
He's Going through depression and taking it out on me in horrific ways
Q. Not sure what to do, with the man I thought I wanted to marry but he's been going through a stint of depression and has been taking it out on me in horrific ways. He acknowledges this, and is profusely apologetic - and on his good days, when it's ...
A. 11 June 2009: I suggest he seek counseling. This is not a normal level depression. I have depression. I may not feel like getting up and being as active as I use to, but as a single parent, I don't take it out on my kids. Feeling depressed and taking it out on ... (read in full...)
After 10 years still can't orgasm from sex
Q. I've been sexually active for over 10 years now and I am still not able to orgasm thru intercourse. I do it each time I receive oral sex but not when I make love. It is very furstrating because men think that I am not enjoying it because I don't ...
A. 11 June 2009: You're not alone. Some gals I'd been with have the same issue. So, I give the oral, make sure they have a couple, then close to another one when intercourse begins. Doing that, they have at least one there too. People are sensitive in different ... (read in full...)
He says someone is trying to set him up
Q. Boy friend trouble. please help I am so lost and confused. I am 28 years old and I am dating a 49 year old man.? I have been dating this guy for the past 4 months. Last week I broke it off with him because he was always wanting to spend time wit...
A. 11 June 2009: Was it his number on the text? Did you check out the content of the text message? Answering those, what do you think? It is not that easy to clone, or send a text message under cloche, unless sent by an email text, which would have the sender as an ... (read in full...)
Would you stay?
Q. I have been married for over 18 years and together with my wife for 25. We have 2 great kids ages from 13 and 15. Here's a brief history first: We both know and admit that we weren't "head over heels" in love when we first married. We had know...
A. 11 June 2009: I understand you feelings. Let me explain to you why I feel staying together is a good move. You two know each other. Your strengths and weaknesses. Leaving and starting a new is beginning new to, where you don't know them, and it's give and take ... (read in full...)
Would you stay?
Q. I have been married for over 18 years and together with my wife for 25. We have 2 great kids ages from 13 and 15. Here's a brief history first: We both know and admit that we weren't "head over heels" in love when we first married. We had know...
A. 10 June 2009: Ridicule? Let's see.....You're a good man by admitting your shortcomings and failures. Looking at ourselves and pointing a finger at what we do is a hard task. And not blaming her for your behavior is something to be proud of.
I believe I would ... (read in full...)
I'm the other woman and I want out of the relationship
Q. I'm the other woman. I love my "boyfriend" and we have been together for 2 years I can't imagine being without him. He is always tellig me that he is going to leave his wife who he "visits" at there home about twice a month, but I don't believe him ...
A. 9 June 2009: Let me ask you this complicated question.....Why don't you love yourself?
I ask this because I wonder why you feel like your only good to be second in his life. Why can't you be first in someone's life????? You set yourself up in a relation... (read in full...)
I have met someone else but husband won't split up the family
Q. What happens when you are in a marriage with 3 kids and it is not working and no matter how hard you try to talk things through you just can not get through,. He says change my thinking and we will be fine. I can not turn on love in my head as he ...
A. 9 June 2009: I wouldn't trust being with a woman who's about to leave her husband, reason being, I wouldn't want to be with her when she's sleeping with someone else about to leave me.
True love is ultimately a choice, not a feeling. Look at your kids, they make... (read in full...)
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