A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have ben married for 7 years and we have two daughters. The other night my husband received a text message from someone known as just the letter "J" on his phone saying "good night". I called the number twice and a woman answered and said she couldn't hear me talking (I wasn't) but to call back. I texted her pretending to be him and she wanted to know why I didn't say anything. I typed that "she" was around (meaning me) and her response was why did you call then? I responded that i missed her and she said she missed me too sweetie and can't wait for next time. We eventually set up a meeting for the next day. Well, the next day my husband called me from work and said this woman had just called him and wanted to know if he had texted her the night before. Needless to say, he is denying anything is going on and that he has only met her one time about six months ago. He has admitted to cheating on the computer in the past but feels he hasn't actually cheated because they never met. I truly feel I have gotten the proof that I have been waiting for but I also called her and she is denying it also, saying she texted him by mistake. The texts that were written truly show something is going on but there is that doubt in my mind because they both keep denying it. What are your feelings and advice?
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affair, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): You've had some good advice here, which still stands despite what's he's just said. What will it take for you to trust him? That's your bottom line just now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): Well, he just admitted at what work event they met at(different from where he previously stated)but claims it is all her that she keeps calling him. I don't know what to believe. Still hasn't admitted to meeting her after the initial time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): Do you trust your husband? Are you happy in this marriage with him?
What would it take for you to trust your husband? How could you be happy with him?
Are these possible?
My advice is to listen to your intuition. It's never wrong. You were right about him being up to no good. Now listen to what it's telling you to do NOW.
Good Luck!!!!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (30 June 2009):
 An "Affair" doesn't have to be physical. You've heard the term "emotional affair" When it comes to a marriage being off balance, is it really essential that he sleeps with someone to prove his emotions are not completely in the marriage with you? There can be many aspect that destroy marriage, and only one includes physical cheating. Addiction to porn, includes an emotional detachment. They don't have to be a porn star to negatively affect their marriage.
The answer then is "No, you may not have slept with her, but there are issues we have to work through." Why is he feeling emotionally disconnected? Why does he feel as if having phone sex is needed, instead of sexually pleasing his wife? How can he justify doing something that causes you pain, as this has?
This marriage can be fixed and saved, but he has to be on bored with that also. He also has to take responsibility for what his behavior and understand it was wrong. I'd talk to him or maybe with a professional, to weed through your marriage to find out, although not physical, what's causing this need for additional physical gratification.
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A
female
reader, xo.diamond.ox  +, writes (30 June 2009):
 DEVORCE HIM RIGHT AWAY
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, he admitted to having phone sex with women he met over the computer but claimed it wasn't cheating because he never actually met him..( i don't agree but i never had any proof if he was actually meeting these people) I just wanted to clarify that he admitted to meeting this women at a work related function six months ago but that was the extent
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): I'd be deeply suspicious. I doesn't prove they've been having sex, but it sure suggests that there's more to it than a chance meeting six months ago. Her reply "can't wait for next time" sure seems damning. And the fact that your husband admitted to "cheating on the computer" (not sure what that is, but it doesn't sound good).
Your husband should be picking up on the vibe that you don't trust him. If he's innocent, he should be bending over backward to reassure you. That means not doing anything suspicious, not even leaving that option open -- no texting that he wouldn't show you, no emails or websites that he wouldn't be willing to show you, etc.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): you have the proof in black and white. no amount of denying or bullshitting can prove otherwise. time to tighten your hb's balls to you and time to play the evil wife card with his lover. please do not be fooled by their apparent innocence. they are both covering their tracks and you will be an utter fool if you back down now. time to take of the mittens and put on some boxing gloves and get into the ring, fighting the toughest and most important fight of your life. the wife is always the last to know and now that you have caught them both, you need to decide what to do. DO NOT be a victim here. come out he victor and teach your man the lesson of his life. oh, and reserve some for his lover too. blameless, ha. they just got caught with both their pants down. what a smart wife you have turned out to be. catching your husband 'in the act" so to speak.
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