A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a great girl through unusual circumstances about 18 months ago. We hit it off great and while at times it got a little personal, it pretty much always remained just a friendship. She's a great girl, smart, funny and we have a lot of similar interests. The only thing I've always tried to be careful of is she is "sensitive" and can take the littlest thing the wrong way. A couple months ago, 3 to be exact, we were supposed to get together for dinner and to hang out. She didn't make it. I found it funny she kept in touch for days leading up to it, but the day of I didn't hear from her and didn't hear from her for 3 days afterwards. I was going through a bad time at the time. I hate to use that as an excuse but I was and I guess I was really looking forward to seeing her to pick me up. I knew if she could make it she would have, but when she didn't I got very upset. So a couple days later I was talking to some friends and mentioned she never showed or called and I was upset and didn't know what to make of it (she had a "rep" of being flighty at times with keeping engagements). Well sure enough after I said that she got in touch with me a couple hours later and explained in a half dozen emails how sorry she was she couldn't see me. I told her don't worry about it and I hope she was ok. A couple days later she started talking weird in her emails. Long story short, I think someone told her what I said and she got upset. Only at the time I didn't know she was talking about me, she only said she was feeling betrayed that a friend was bad-mouthing her. Eventually she stopped talking and I left her alone. About a month later as I was trying to get myself together, I manned up and was honest with her that I said something I shouldn't have. I should have told her about it but I was scared of making a bad situation worse and I was truly sorry. She responded that "if you read my emails I never confirmed we had a "date"" (which kinda contradicts her email apologies). She also said that while she was sorry to hear I was going through a hard time back then, she was very very sad I would say somthing so bad about her. Her reply was sent in early may. I have sent her a couple hellos via email since but she has never responded. I get the feeling she's still upset at me. The only consolation I have at the moment is she is BIG on the networking sites and thus far she has not deleted me as a friend on myspace (a site she's on everyday). Is there anything I can say to her at this point? I'd gladly apologize again but I don't want her to think I'm dwelling on the past. Or should I apologize again? I'm not thinking that the relationship we had will go back to what it was as if nothing happened. I guess I'm just looking to see if I can get my friend back into my life.thanks
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (5 July 2009):
 Tentative appointments do not mean you sit there and wait, and if she shows up? It means, lets pick a date, if I can't make it, I'll let you know, and you do the same.
Can it be saved? Sure. Without future incidents? I don't think so.
These behavior patterns you described greatly limit her ability to sustain healthy friendships. Without knowing about her past, and more examples of her behavior in different situations, I'm not going to assume the cause of these patterns. I will conclude, if you get her back as a friend, don't bring up this incident or you'll end up without the friendship again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): Take it from a girl who knows. Being hurt by a guy, even when they are friends, it takes time. Sometimes it's longer than others. I had this friend and he would always say stuff about me to other people when he got mad or something. It really hurt our friendship. I finally started talking to him again this year. I am still cautious and hurt but I let it go.. It's hard for girls to get over things with friends especialy. Just give it some time and maybe she'll email you. If not then in a few months or so email her and just ask how shes doing and bring up old times of when you had fun talking together. Don't appologize again untill she talks to you. Then don't go over the top with it. just say that you are sorry about what you said and that you hate the fact that you hurt her. Don't make a huge deal out of it though because hanging in the past isn't fun. Then just leave it alone after that. She was probably nervous or had something happening that day. Next time be careful what you say and who you say it to. 3 good luck
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A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (5 July 2009):
Maybe use myspace as a starter. Leave a little comment like: "just stopping by to say hi!" or something like that- just lets her know your thinking of her and she will either respond or she wont- I dont know but its a start anyway.
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