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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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Did my girlfiend cheat, or was she raped?
Q. I feel so silly for even asking this on the Internet, but I just need to get some opinions. First of all, I'm 18, and this is my first girlfriend. She is 15. We've been dating for 10 months now. In the 2nd month of dating, we broke up for 2 days, ...
A. 4 August 2009: This guy posted for a reason, not for you to develop his post into an argumentative playground.
FOR THE OP: A lot of text, but informative. We've ready, back and forth different opinions from cheating to being an assault victim. It's simple t... (read in full...)
Did my girlfiend cheat, or was she raped?
Q. I feel so silly for even asking this on the Internet, but I just need to get some opinions. First of all, I'm 18, and this is my first girlfriend. She is 15. We've been dating for 10 months now. In the 2nd month of dating, we broke up for 2 days, ...
A. 4 August 2009: q1605, I'm not someone who's deflecting. As far as being qualified, my pretty pieces of paper hanging on my wall say I am. I'm a certified behavior analyst, with expertise in trauma related affect, also completing my certificate as a master ... (read in full...)
Did my girlfiend cheat, or was she raped?
Q. I feel so silly for even asking this on the Internet, but I just need to get some opinions. First of all, I'm 18, and this is my first girlfriend. She is 15. We've been dating for 10 months now. In the 2nd month of dating, we broke up for 2 days, ...
A. 4 August 2009: Yes, it is recommended when someone is raped or cheat, the victim is not the only one who seeks counseling. I've counseled a lot of people, what I've found is candy coating doesn't do anyone any good. I research and work with people who generally ... (read in full...)
Did my girlfiend cheat, or was she raped?
Q. I feel so silly for even asking this on the Internet, but I just need to get some opinions. First of all, I'm 18, and this is my first girlfriend. She is 15. We've been dating for 10 months now. In the 2nd month of dating, we broke up for 2 days, ...
A. 4 August 2009: I've noticed, levels of sexual assault, domestic violence, and all forms of relationship issues have no cultural boundaries, so the argument about who lives in Texas and who does not lacks relevance. In this situation there were disagreements ... (read in full...)
Did my girlfiend cheat, or was she raped?
Q. I feel so silly for even asking this on the Internet, but I just need to get some opinions. First of all, I'm 18, and this is my first girlfriend. She is 15. We've been dating for 10 months now. In the 2nd month of dating, we broke up for 2 days, ...
A. 3 August 2009: Actually Felisha is right about not giving out personal information. It's for the protection of users, why we don't post personal information, such as email etc. when it's provided. When I've been trusted with personal information, it's been sent to ... (read in full...)
Did my girlfiend cheat, or was she raped?
Q. I feel so silly for even asking this on the Internet, but I just need to get some opinions. First of all, I'm 18, and this is my first girlfriend. She is 15. We've been dating for 10 months now. In the 2nd month of dating, we broke up for 2 days, ...
A. 1 August 2009: Let her know the only actions she can control is her own. She's not to blame when someone else is the actor. To a certain extent we all do it. It's hard not to. We take on a certain amount of pain that someone else is going through because we care ... (read in full...)
Did my girlfiend cheat, or was she raped?
Q. I feel so silly for even asking this on the Internet, but I just need to get some opinions. First of all, I'm 18, and this is my first girlfriend. She is 15. We've been dating for 10 months now. In the 2nd month of dating, we broke up for 2 days, ...
A. 1 August 2009: Statutory rape in TX is 17. But as stated in § 22. 011, "The actor has an affirmative defense if he is not more than three years older than the victim, who is at least age 14." So, she can consent with someone 3 no more than 3 years older."
If sh... (read in full...)
Did my girlfiend cheat, or was she raped?
Q. I feel so silly for even asking this on the Internet, but I just need to get some opinions. First of all, I'm 18, and this is my first girlfriend. She is 15. We've been dating for 10 months now. In the 2nd month of dating, we broke up for 2 days, ...
A. 1 August 2009: Tisha-1: She needs mental help? What if, for sake of argument, she just wanted to do this, and said she didn't not to be ridiculed by family, but so she wouldn't loose her boyfriend? This is also the age where curiosity about sexuality and hormonal ... (read in full...)
Have I made the right choice?
Q. Ok, I need some advice to know whether I have made the right choice. If you only have negative things to say, dont bother, I am not here for a bashing, I just want to know if I have done the right thing. I have been married 13 years, and have ...
A. 31 July 2009: That's okay. It's kind of funny how life works. We hear about women and their shopping habits. My girls would be in heaven if I dropped them off at the mall with an open credit limit. (Which will never happen) When it comes to relationships, women ... (read in full...)
My wife had filed divorce because of my internet addiction, how can I get her back?
Q. My wife and I have been married for almost six years. It is a second marriage for the both of us. When we first started dating the passion and love making was amazing. As we continued dating and became engaged, things stayed fantastic. As we ...
A. 31 July 2009: Give her space. Begging and trying to justify why you should stay married, you might end up pushing her away further. What you have is not an addiction, as normally considered to be. When things are good, you're not on the computer, as things get ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend always seems to drop his plans with me to see his friends!
Q. I had made plans to hang out with my boyfriend and a day later he made plans to go golfing with his friends instead. when i asked him about it, he says he forgot. he's done this before. and both ended with him dropping our plans and hanging out with ...
A. 31 July 2009: I'd say goodbye. He's got priorities messed up. Your plans came first, he should change plans with his friends if he accidentally double booked. His getting defensive shows improper behavior as well. I'd say, if he doesn't have respect, find someone ... (read in full...)
Have I made the right choice?
Q. Ok, I need some advice to know whether I have made the right choice. If you only have negative things to say, dont bother, I am not here for a bashing, I just want to know if I have done the right thing. I have been married 13 years, and have ...
A. 31 July 2009: First, the affair(s). You can't use your husband's affair as justification for yours. Each act is a separate choice and neither one of them gives reason for the other.
What you did right was tell your husband and broke it off with this other pe... (read in full...)
Did my girlfiend cheat, or was she raped?
Q. I feel so silly for even asking this on the Internet, but I just need to get some opinions. First of all, I'm 18, and this is my first girlfriend. She is 15. We've been dating for 10 months now. In the 2nd month of dating, we broke up for 2 days, ...
A. 31 July 2009: So, he was giving oral sex to her? Sexual assault is generally self pleasuring. I don't see (not saying it's impossible) how someone stops at only giving oral sex to a girl. Like I said, it's not completely impossible, but I personally have not ... (read in full...)
We had a great relationship until he said that I wasn't the one he would marry.
Q. Hey everyone, I need some advice. I have been in a relationship for about a year and a half...its actually been a year and four months. Anyways we were doing great... everyting was perfect but I had a bad feeling and when we were drunk I asked ...
A. 30 July 2009: You two are completing school. This is a big stepping stone in both of your lives. You said throughout your writing, "i think", so questions are left unanswered. I understand needing a break, but I really don't understand taking one without a strong ... (read in full...)
What is love really - I just don't want to be hurt again
Q. I just wonder if most of what we call attraction is just our animal instincts to mate, and we call it love? Does anyone know what love is? I've heard it labelled so many things, anyways, I think I've found a girl im in love with but I am so afraid ...
A. 30 July 2009: I was trying to figure out what love is, why some make it and some go up in flames. I believe it's the choice behind the feelings. My definition of love is: "A choice without any return expectation."
This is how people make it. Hard time, ec... (read in full...)
I'm 14 is that to young to be in love?
Q. OK so im 14 and recently I've been wondering if I can truly be IN love, because I think I might be. There was this guy and I liked him for quite a few years but nothing happened between us and I was beginning to think I'd never get over him, but ...
A. 30 July 2009: Your not to young. I researched this topic a few years ago, and wanted to find out how girls get hurt in relationships easier than guys do when about your age. Where guys during their puberty years are not too mature, and develop through their teens ... (read in full...)
I want happiness but I'm so afraid all the time!
Q. Hi, I am female just turning 41. I have been involved 2 marriages since i was 18 and have had a domestic violence marriages. I am aware of attracting those kind of man and have been working on that problem. My issue is now that I have been involved ...
A. 30 July 2009: Getting psychological treatment is a great start. Look at his lying as an act of a cause derived from something else. Lying is not the issue, it's a symptom. The part of his lying that really points to a much greater issue is the abnormality of it. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is torn between two women!
Q. My boyfriend of almost 6 months is still in love with his ex girlfriend. He says he loves us both and wants us both. I told him he has to decide who he wants to be with. He said he wants to be with both of us and he won't settle for less. I told ...
A. 30 July 2009: Say goodbye to him. You deserve much better than to be played by him. Think about it. I bet you two are not the only one's one the road he has lined up. You just happen to know about each other. I think, his not being able to decide is a huge red ... (read in full...)
My mother in law insists we have a baby when we are not ready!
Q. Dear all, Im married for a year and half. We love each other a lot. My father inlaw and mother inlaw have come to visit us and they are here for a month. During this time my mother inlaw is insisting me to give birth to a baby and she give a kind of ...
A. 30 July 2009: I think you will have a baby when you are ready to have a baby, and not before. You know what's right for you, and don't let them decide for you. You tell them that you'll have baby when ready, and the more she pushed it, the more stress it creates, ... (read in full...)
Depressive breakdown and don't know what to do.
Q. i suffer from depression, a hell of a lot more than i realised i found out today, i was on a hugxe downer after a row with my boyfriend, we spent the whole of the night partyin with friends and when i asked him for some alone timean hour or so, he ...
A. 28 July 2009: Glad everything is going better for you. When dating a boyfriend who is an ass, no matter what you do, he'll stay that way. There is someone out there that will truly be there just for you. But until you find that someone, keep working on yourself. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to leave her but feel like it's the last option... What should I do?
Q. Hello, I'm having some problems with my girlfriend, We have been together for around nine months : Now, I have told her several times that I have wanted to leave her, Since to be honest, She doesn't act like a proper girlfriend. And lots of...
A. 25 July 2009: So, she convinces you you're wrong? What if I told you that you're both right? There are two types of right and wrong. (1) Absolute (2) Perceptual. An absolute is "total." Meaning if you asked around, most everyone would agree it's wrong to commit ... (read in full...)
Depressive breakdown and don't know what to do.
Q. i suffer from depression, a hell of a lot more than i realised i found out today, i was on a hugxe downer after a row with my boyfriend, we spent the whole of the night partyin with friends and when i asked him for some alone timean hour or so, he ...
A. 24 July 2009: Depression can be difficult to deal with. Many of us have an element of depression to one extent or another. We feel alone, and distant from others. This is natural. What brings your depression to an unhealthy level is dependency. It's not unfair ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is violent, why do I still love him?
Q. i recently got back with a guy that i've known for years. i fell for him very quickly he was sweet and give me anything i want but here lately he start getting very mad to the point he hit me once and tried to again and keeps threaing to hurt me bad ...
A. 23 July 2009: Understandably, he's not the only one who can hurt you bad. But being able to is one thing, threatening to, and doing it is different. When he has hit you and threatens to hurt you, he's not someone you need to be around, no matter how much you love ... (read in full...)
He was billed for a phone sex line but is denying it
Q. ok here goes...my husband got a bill in the mail today well it was for a 6 min talk to phone sex number...he said he didn't do it but I call it back and the first thing they ask you for is your credit card number..and the bill he got had the last ...
A. 22 July 2009: The only thing you have not been given is photo id, or a dna sample. People will say things to stay out of being in trouble, but when evidence is right in front of you, i'd trust that evidence. Has he called the credit card company for fraud, just ... (read in full...)
I started to move on after our affair but now he is dragging me back into this, he has some kind of hold over me!
Q. Hi, i need some advice. at the beginning of the year i fell in love with a guy at work, the feeling was mutual and we started seeing each other. the problem was that he has a fiance and two children. what stopped him leaving was his children so he ...
A. 21 July 2009: During these two weeks, I want you to bring what has happened into prospective. What's hard, it what we want v. what we can have. (1) He wants you to be happy. (2) Everything is great at home. (3) He wants to make a go with his family. On the other ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's blue balls.....he says if I don't give him head he will leave me!
Q. My boyfriend says every time we hang out he gets blue balls and is in pain for hours, even days. It causes him headaches and muscle cramps too. I do plenty of sexual things for him almost every time we hang out. He's tried masturbating beforehand, ...
A. 21 July 2009: What kid of relationship is this where you're "forced" to perform or he'll leave. Let him leave. When he says that, say "okay, see ya." "Suck me every time we get together????" Sounds to me he's using you for your mouth. Blue balls, as the excuse ... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with only wanting to have one sexual partner?
Q. My boyfriend says that I have "twisted view" whatver that means. He and I been together for almost 2 years now and he took my virginity. According to him he wants to have sex with other people now because he is too used to me. He is 19 years old. He ...
A. 21 July 2009: There is absolutely nothing wrong with your views. It's unfortunate you two don't share the same. You may have to have another sexual partner. With his views, I don't see him molding into wanting just you. I don't want that to seem depressing. Even ... (read in full...)
How do I come clean to my mum that the condom she found was mine and my boyfriend's?
Q. my mom found a condom that me and my boyfriend used but i couldnt find any excuse but to tell her that it was one of my friends from work that put it in my bag but i find it hard to believe that she believed me and im 16! i dont know how to tell her ...
A. 21 July 2009: I agree with the other poster. Mum knows. Kids use the "it's not mine" or "I didn't do it", but parent's already haven been kids and growing up have used the same excuses and have been caught using them. You'll be surprise of how much you try to get ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong? Is he? Is my relationship over??
Q. Last night I came home to my man and told him that I was considering taking a pole dancing fitness class with a workmate who asked me to join her. It has always looked like a bit of cheeky fun and I really wanted to do it. He didn't like the idea, ...
A. 21 July 2009: I wouldn't say your relationship is strong. You fear some of his behavior. He says it's over. It he said that just to get you to do something different and didn't mean to, that's manipulative and another pattern you'd need to worry about.
I don... (read in full...)
My life was so stressed, I wasnt ready for him then...I think I am now but not sure if he feels the same.
Q. I have had so much emotional trauma in my life for the past 2 years, father died, step father died , best friend died, mother fell, in coma in another state, had to leave work for six months, me being sick for 3 months, EX b/f who was not there for ...
A. 20 July 2009: Talk about it. You've overcome a lot of trauma over a short period of time. Do you really want to add a "what if", wondering and realizing all you had to do was ask? At least you'll know what he wants. Don't move on without knowing. If you ask and ... (read in full...)
I've just found out she had a threesome and this is eating away at me!
Q. I really need some help here. Me and my girlfriend broke up a couple months ago. I had sex with one girl, shortly after the relationship ended and again two weeks later. She found out about both as i admided to it. She then procieded to have sex ...
A. 20 July 2009: SO, this guy 2 weeks ago. Were you together or not together at the time? If you were together, why are you focusing your question on something that happened before you were, instead of her being with other guys, while you're dating?
Aside... (read in full...)
How do I know what to expect from my ex? We have started talking again and slowly getting closer.
Q. We once had a very strong intimate relationship with commitment and then it changed due to outside circumstances. Now time has passed - months - but we are talking again and slowly getting close. But how do I know what to expect? Men don't talk, ...
A. 20 July 2009: satindesire is right. men don't just volunteer information. doing so mean talking about emotions, which most men try to avoid. You also need to be honest about what it is you're looking for. If its a long term relationship or not, so you know where ... (read in full...)
How do I know what to expect from my ex? We have started talking again and slowly getting closer.
Q. We once had a very strong intimate relationship with commitment and then it changed due to outside circumstances. Now time has passed - months - but we are talking again and slowly getting close. But how do I know what to expect? Men don't talk, ...
A. 20 July 2009: satindesire is right. men don't just volunteer information. doing so mean talking about emotions, which most men try to avoid. You also need to be honest about what it is you're looking for. If its a long term relationship or not, so you know where ... (read in full...)
My ex is now pregnant with my dad's baby!
Q. My ex-girlfriend and I lived together for about three years. We ended up having a son together, and then we broke up shortly after. She has custody of my son, while I pay support and visit him on weekends. The weird thing is she is now my dad's ...
A. 20 July 2009: This is disturbing. Personally, I'd seek custody. Moral fitness is a main factor in deciding custody cases. It sounds as if this is lacking. The question though would be, aside from this, how is she as a parent. If I were a judge, I'd see this ... (read in full...)
I've tried to get away, but the harrassment continues ...
Q. Well, if you have followed my other posts, you will know that i had a married woman chasing me at work, tried to get away, finaly got away, had to cry "hostile work enviroment" to management, they changed my schedule, but it still overlaps hers 3-4 ...
A. 20 July 2009: This time, no hostile work environment claim. She propositioned you, and harasses the employees. File a sexual harassment claim. With this behavior escalating to the level it has, you may have to involve the Department of Employment. I'd talk to ... (read in full...)
Befuddled and heartbroken
Q. I am 34, divorced (3 times over) with five kids ranging from 15 to 3. I ended my first marriage because my husband thought he was gay. I ended the second because he was seeing several other people and became an alcoholic and abusive. I ended my ...
A. 20 July 2009: You're right, the world is not changing, but it can.... I like to believe we all hold the power for our own change. Some, by holding to what they believe cause real change. I saw a video last night of an Arch Bishop who's kids were taken from him ... (read in full...)
Neither of us are happy that we broke up!
Q. I posted a Q previously bout my bf and I - we broke up a wk ago *Sat 11th*. We had a good relationship and then when his financial/work life didnt seem to be goin good - it seemed he knit picked at our relationship despite the fact his fam liked ...
A. 19 July 2009: Isn't it easier to work together than it is for both of you to do so separate? During these hard financial times, couples need the support of the other one. This is what builds strength to get through. Too often, such as what he was saying, the ... (read in full...)
After breaking up I feel really angry & resentful while he seems fine
Q. Hi I split with my partner of 18 months last week. The relationship had been on the rocks for months and it was a mutual decision to split because he has a child from another relationship and I wasn't happy with this. We were arguing daily right up...
A. 19 July 2009: You two decided to split, so he lives his life and you live yours. You were fine too for a few days. With splitting up, you can't have hate toward him due to your loneliness.
Your being angry with him having a child wasn't proper for building a re... (read in full...)
Befuddled and heartbroken
Q. I am 34, divorced (3 times over) with five kids ranging from 15 to 3. I ended my first marriage because my husband thought he was gay. I ended the second because he was seeing several other people and became an alcoholic and abusive. I ended my ...
A. 19 July 2009: First of all, biblical times, the wife and lover knew about each other, and this behavior was accepted between them. Tell his wife about it, if she's okay with it then you can relate this affair to biblical times.
Not all guys treat women th... (read in full...)
Befuddled and heartbroken
Q. I am 34, divorced (3 times over) with five kids ranging from 15 to 3. I ended my first marriage because my husband thought he was gay. I ended the second because he was seeing several other people and became an alcoholic and abusive. I ended my ...
A. 19 July 2009: So, you divorced "one" of your husbands for having affairs, then you become part of the affair against their marriage, wife and kids. So, you're heartbroken over a guy who's not yours to begin with, just as your ex-husband had not right to be with ... (read in full...)
Loneliness is a drag. Will I ever stop feeling like this?
Q. I am so desperately lonely that I just can't bear it anymore, and my heart is broken because I feel like my life is passing me by. I am in tears as I write this. I wish and wish I had someone to call or tlak to, but I feel like everyone has ...
A. 19 July 2009: By reading this a couple of things really stand out. (1) You wish (2) You're afraid (scared). I don't see this as lasting forever, but what I see is that instead of having quality relationships and friendships, you're just settling for what you can ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for milk to come out of a girl's breast, if it is sucked?
Q. i have a girl am dating but anytime i suck her breast during love making,milk comes out.please i want to know if it is normal.or what could be the cause? ...
A. 18 July 2009: Is she pregnant, has she ever been pregnant? That is where I know milk would be produced. Other than that, a hormonal imbalance, but that's something for a doctor to look at. ... (read in full...)
A week of the ex-factor. The more I learn about men, the more I hate them!
Q. i have had the worst week of my life it started at 10 am last thursday i got a call from a friend of mine saying that my ex had just been arrested and is in jail on 4 felonies and a misdeminor. first of all this was my bestfriend i was fucking for a ...
A. 18 July 2009: You put all the men in one basket, due to what two men are doing? Why are you attracting, or are attracted to disrespectful men? He wants you back, but kissed your friend on Monday, and flirts with her? So, you have one who's into drugs, and one ... (read in full...)
Getting over the past... how can I help the man I love deal with mine?
Q. My boyfriend and I are on the verge of breaking up. Four years ago was the darkest time in my life. I met my current boyfriend and his best friend and ended up sleeping with both of them when my current boyfriend was helping me out of a horribl...
A. 18 July 2009: How long are you two going to keep living in the past. Forgiveness is the key, but in order for him to get there, he needs to release all this built up pain and frustration. The pain doesn't come from the act its self, it comes from visualization of ... (read in full...)
My pregnant girlfriend is WAY too flirtatious! Any advice?
Q. Ok ,my gf is preggers and she is way to flirtatious. I`ve asked her to stop and I just discovered that on the 15th she send an invite to her ex on myspace and left: "so sexy! mmm mmmm mmmmm *kisses you* " as a photo comment. ...
A. 17 July 2009: This is not appropriate for your girlfriend to act. It may be in fun, but gives the wrong impression. It's disrespectful to you and the relationship you two have. I'd ask her if she's really interested in being with you, or is she just leading you ... (read in full...)
I've just found out she had a threesome and this is eating away at me!
Q. I really need some help here. Me and my girlfriend broke up a couple months ago. I had sex with one girl, shortly after the relationship ended and again two weeks later. She found out about both as i admided to it. She then procieded to have sex ...
A. 17 July 2009: Ask her about it. And stop mental masturbating. This is the running visions over and over again. You two weren't together. Both of you had sex with others, which if you were back together would also cause friction. So what it comes down to is your ... (read in full...)
He is constantly making comments that I'm cheating and checks my cell phone!
Q. I have been with my fiance for 4 yrs. we moved in together 18 mos ago. he no longer makes me feel desirable, which is damperin my self esteem. he used to make me feel so beautiful. we are intimate ocassionally but nowhere close to how much we used ...
A. 17 July 2009: Going elsewhere would be wrong. If you feel the need to, first end your relationship with your boyfriend, and find someone who will treat you right all the time.
Jealousy can be a killer of relationships. This type of issue comes from not feel... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is an ass, a jerk, inconsiderate and makes me cry
Q. Okay, same guy if you've read my questions before. Last night me and my boyfriend were doing things sexually, and i couldnt get him off...this has happend a couple times before and hes drunk...its been an hour or more and he still wants me to keep ...
A. 17 July 2009: Were u just giving to him, or was he returning the favor? I think he's self centered. You can do better, and this incident isn't going to be the only one. The earlier you get out the better.
The comment about showing you how to do it. Did you ask ... (read in full...)
My husband can't stand my two children! What do I do?
Q. my husband can not stand my 2 children, his step children. He wants nothing to do with them, cause he can not stand their dad. My kids are 11 and 8, they are just kids. My husband and I have one child together and he is a great dad to her, but he ...
A. 17 July 2009: The kids are not the dad. He needs a new look on how he's treating them. Shouldn't blame or treat the kids differently just because he doesn't like their father.
You need to be firm with him. Your family does not just consist of you two and your... (read in full...)
I want my ex back, but she wants nothing to do with me after I said and did some really awful things.
Q. I said things to her that really hurt her feeling and broke her heart. Now she does not want to talk to me, does not want to reply to my emails, has even removed me as a friend from her facebook, and said please do not contact her. I feel really bad ...
A. 15 July 2009: One way woman find respect from their ex is your honoring her request. It might be hard, but when she says not to contact her, doing so shows a lack of respect. Respect her now, you might get a chance to talk later, but if you show disrespect now, ... (read in full...)
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