A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Couple of months ago I went online to pay my phone bill and I saw that me husband used like 230 text messages, I was wondering whom he is texting to, as he is not a big texter and it was to a same number. He was texting every single day and actually called that number at 3 am one time. I asked him who that was and he told me that it's his ex-girlfriend (she leaves in different state), he was dating her when he was like 14 and she was his first love. He said that they're just friends and he would never do anything to hurt me and he just wanted to see how she is doing after all this years (it's been approx 18 years ago). So I didn't have problem with it but he kept texting her and one time I checked his phone and he deleted all the messages(!) but one with her email address. So I kept thinking about that and one day I checked his email and there it was an email that he sent to her saying that he was dreaming about her last night and that he wants her bad. I freaked out - I'm going out of country for 1 month and he wrote her that he wants her to come down while I'm gone. I'm so hurt but I don't know what to do. I love him very much and when we're together I feel loved and when he looks at me and tells me that he loves me I believe him, but when he is not around I don't know what to think. I want to save our marriage and I do not want to do anything stupid before I think it over and decide what to do. So I just want to hear from everybody what they think and what would they do in this situation. I don't want to confront him yet as I'm scared of his response plus I cannot confess that I was in his email. I want to see if I should do something before I leave or when I come back? Or should I wait and see what happens?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2009): with this affair almost upon your doorstep, is it wise to leave hubby unsupervised for 1 month. can you postpone your trip? the moment you are out of the door, he would not keep it in his pants, you know this. by you going away now, knowing his intention, are you not giving him an open invitation to cheat? if you come back after a month, your marriage will be beginning to end. is this what you want.
A
female
reader, alishamarie08 +, writes (27 June 2009):
With today's technology there's so many things you can do to spy without him knowing! I'd tell him and it better stop. But I'd also get a keystroker (which records what is typed and will save it for you!) Also I would get monitors or cameras for the house you can now put them in picture frames to watch the house when you leave. It will be sayed to a memory stick that you can download and watch it if you really want hard evidence. Just a thought!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 June 2009):
 You need to nip this in the butt. Like Gina and rcn suggested you need to tell him. Yeah you snooped, but really that is nothing compared to him suggesting for her to come down and have sex with him
There is no reason for him to maintain this contact really. They dated a little 18 years ago? Total strangers - no need what so ever. Specially if they aren't able to maintain it as a friendship.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (26 June 2009):
 He's going to continue contacting her as long as he's getting away with doing so. You'll need to bring it up to him. Ask him what his intentions are. Be honest with him, and let him know how you feel about this. You don't deserve for him to have this extra thing going on. The way I look at it is, if he wasn't doing anything to violate your marriage, there would be no issue. Email in a marriage shouldn't be secret. Keeping it secret means keeping secrets from the other person. That wouldn't be right, so why should it be a secret. I don't see you as being wrong. If indiscretion is happening, you should know, even if it means reading his email.
I know it hurts. Be honest with him, because he won't stop until he knows that you know.
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