A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:At the store I work at, there is a girl that usually works the same shifts I do. She is 18 and has a boyfriend. I am friendly to everyone so naturally everyone is friendly with me, which is fine. It feels like more with this girl. While she is friendly, she always comes to me for whatever. I am not the only person she talks to especially since she works in a different department than me. However, she always wants me to do things for her or with her and I'm nice so I do. She always smiles and says she loves me, which of course I don't take seriously because young people always throw around the word love like it's meaningless. I never say that. She always asks me to wait for her if I get out before her.Sometimes when she comes to me she'll put her hands on my chest whether it's to feel my muscles or for some other reason because she has felt my arm up before.I've realized lately that there are rumors that are being spread about me messing around with her behind her boyfriends back which of course are not true. Every time she bumps in to me people look and comment and joke around. When she is not around people asks about what we are doing, we constantly get called love birds. I have never touched her but they are saying I am sleeping with her. Her boyfriend always gives me mean looks when he sees me, so I don't know if he knows anyone of my co workers because he doesn't seems to like my presence around her.I don't really care about him, he can think what he wants but my concern is my work environment, I've never had rumors spread about me and I do not like it. I've always been the respectable and mature one because I am. Now I can't go to work without people continually harassing me about her, even the managers. I would quit if I could find another job but how do you deal with this stuff?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindyCares
I'm not really too fond of any of the managers who let a lot of things slide. I have been making an attempt to be less friendly and generous and what not. It is exhausting anyway to pick up the slack of lazy workers.
It is a chummy work place. It's a job but it's frustrating. There really is a lot of gossiping going around. Sometimes others request less hectic shifts so they don't have to deal with it and I have, as much as I hate those shifts. I do my best to ignore it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2014): Sexual harassment and violation of the code of conduct in the work-place starts out often as something very simple.
Who does what to whom, is in the eyes of the beholder. Males usually get the blame for misconduct.
* When inappropriate flirting is not firmly resisted and repelled, it turns into gossip when witnessed by others.
This gossip may directly effect your employment.
* When inappropriate touching is received and not immediately stopped, or is allowed many times later. Future claims of harassment have no merit. A smile or no request to stop, means the action is okay or acceptable. If there is no report filed with HR immediately thereafter; then witnesses can all say it was "okay with you," if you decide to complain out of the blue.
* Jealous boyfriends are potentially dangerous. What they think may not matter to you. What they might do, should.
* Most men are flattered by women making a fuss over them.
In the work-place, that is inappropriate. So the proper
reaction is to discourage it. You hold up your hands,
suggest everyone behave, and immediately remove yourself.
* Flirty young girls often have to learn proper protocol
and policy regarding professional conduct. So the older
more responsible employees should teach them, and be their role-models by setting good examples.
That is professionalism.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 August 2014):
 Do no evil, fear no evil.
If you are so adamant that you are doing everything right, and that there is nothing in your attitude and demeanour that you could or should change ... ( personallly I would not be that sure - letting girls feel your muscles up and giggle, it's EXTREMELY inappropriate for a workplace, and I don't care if it's a " girlie " thing, it's still EXTREMELY unappropriate , and if I were your boss, I'd have a word about that, with the girlies and with YOU )... anyway,.if you are sure that you can't be a tad less available, less friendly, less helpful, less outgoing ,- and more professional - without for that basically changing who you are...-
then your only resort is to raise above the gossips, to ignore them, and to not let them get at you.
When they say something, do not laugh or get mad or embarassed, just make a DISGUSTED face , and change subject immediately, bringing it on WORK matters ( Btw, it seems a very chummy workplace, with all this gossiping and commenting on non-work related stuff ... ). Rinse and repeat, it will work eventually, they'll get tired .
And if they don't ? back to my first line : you KNOW you are not doing anything questionable, and you are not guilty if they choose to think stupid stuff. You can't CONTROL what people think or says- so just choose to ignore it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've let everyone know I don't like her and that the only girl I'm interested in does not work with me. She's one of a kind and I told HER to her face that all the girls at work including her mean nothing to me. I am friendly and generous and go out of my way but that's it. All she has to do is flirt? She's not the only one I do favors for and others don't flirt. I do it because I am nice and generous but yes, I do tell her to do her own job every time. There are things she is in charge of and I do not hesitate to tell her or anyone to get back to work.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (14 August 2014):
 For me, it's real simple - if I'm so bothered by what other co-workers think and rumors spread; which I assume you are bothered.. at least bothered enough to write a post here. I'd know to keep my distance from her. If you want to be polite and offer an explanation for your distance, then tell her that people are talking about the both of you and you don't want any misunderstandings. The solution to your problem is quite simple - stop being so chummy with her, keep your distance, you know the drill.
Somehow I get the impression you are not willing to do any of the above and even mentioned how you don't care what her boyfriend thinks. Now, my question to you is - are you interested in this girl?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 August 2014):
 Oh aren't you a sucker?!
" However, she always wants me to do things for her or with her and I'm nice so I do."
Why do you think she does that? Because she KNOWS you will do it and all she has to do in return is flirt and say Oh I LOVE YOU ...
Tell her to DO her own job, you have yours to do.
NIP the rumors in the bud. Tell them you don't date minors or girl's who has BF.. ANYTHING...
YOU might not care what people think, but it CAN affect YOUR job and HERS.
And if my advice offends you... READ WiseOwlE's....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do not care what her boyfriend thinks. I do not know him nor do I care to know him. That is his girlfriend and I have not touched her. Getting me to do things isn't hard. She isn't the only one I do things for. My managers and other co workers always come to me for things as well, she just has her own approach.We do not exchange glances or loving words. I talk to her the same way I talk to everyone else. I do my job and she does hers and I show no favoritism in that regard. I will get on her about slack just like with everyone else.When I say feel muscles I don't mean she is all over me. Other girls at work have done the same at some point but they had their giggles and moved on. They all have conversations about guys at work. It's a girl thing, I don't know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): You encouraged the behavior and now you're trying to play innocent. You should care what the boyfriend thinks, and you shouldn't allow co-workers to feel your muscles. You crossed a lot of boundaries my friend. Now you want to go back.
You want to stop the rumors? Keep your distance.
Stop doing favors, and stop exchanging glances and loving words. Your co-workers are mocking you. You're not all that nice and innocent. You were lapping it up. She was stroking your ego. She figured out how to get to you and how to get you to do things for her. You claim you're not responding to her advances. Yes you are. You're a willing receiver. Co-workers are harassing you; because it's all inappropriate.
It's their business, because it's happening in the work-place.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 August 2014):
 Document everything! With the strick laws regarding harrasment these days you may be being set up for a lawsuit. I'd be very cautious here. Your life could be ruined if her forwardness is a ruse to get it look like yo're the one doing all the forward activities . Document and make a visit to your HR dept to get it on record that you are in a situation, Ask for a transfer to another area of the company.
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